I read something recently about how every now and then “our journey collides with someone who changes it all”.
It made me think about the past fews years that we’ve been blogging/reading blogs and how, for us, that “someone” has so often been a person on the other side of our computer screen. Someone that we may or may not ever even have the chance to meet in person- but man we wish we could, because reading what they wrote definitely changed our journey for the better.
The following post is a tender one, and we’re hoping to hear from lots of “someone’s” in the comments section today.
We started researching adoption a couple of years ago, and right away, we knew that it was definitely something we wanted to be a part of. My dad was adopted as an infant, and his adoptive parents, my Grandma Evelyn and Grandpa Richard, were….
Gosh.
I don’t even know that I can put into words how much I love and miss them.
I keep a picture of them on my nightstand and I find so much comfort in their smiles every day.
Fast forward to the summer of 2011. We were asked to film a pilot episode for HGTV. It wasn’t something we sought out- they just came a’knockin’, and we felt like we should at least try and give it a whirl. Unsure of what our future held, we put our adoption plans on a temporary hold so that we could figure out what the heck was going to happen with that whole ordeal first.
Long story short, our pilot episode didn’t turn into a TV series this year. Short story even shorter: WHEW! (We are so grateful to have had the opportunity, but we learned real quick that it wouldn’t have been the right fit for us in the long run.)
So here we are. Back to adoption square one.
We’re more eager than ever, but we’re also kind of unsure about where to start (again).
All we know is this:
We want to create a family with a little one, that for one reason or another, needs a mom and dad.
Just like my dad did when he was only 3 months old…
Just like “Firecracker’s” little sister did last week…
Just like Joy’s son Eli did…
Just like Shannan’s daughter Ruby did…
Just like the brothers Mike and Kerri adopted did…
Those folks have inspired us so much, and if our purpose for this life is to Love, and to grow in Love, we look forward to growing in it no matter where it finds us- just like they did.
Love has no boundaries, and neither do our adoption plans. So whether our journey collides with a gift right here at home in Alabama…
…or right here at home in the USA…
…or right here at home, on God’s great Earth…
…we look forward to the opportunity to continue our journey with a little someone who changes it all.
We do have a question for any adoptive or soon-to-be adoptive parents out there, though. How did you decide where to adopt from? There are so many children out there that need families, and we keep feeling led in so many different directions. Doors seem to open and close on us at every turn, which makes the whole process hard to even start. We’d love to hear about your experience if you’re up for sharing it.
PS- Speaking of blog-related journeys and collisions, I just had to include this comment a “someone” named Betsy left on a blog post of ours a while back:
Click the play button below to hear Peter tell his story:
Powerful, powerful stuff…thank you, Betsy. So grateful to have collided with you.
I love that you want to adopt! It is such a blessed experience….I call it the ultimate encounter with God, because he so wrapped in every detail of it, from the start and until the day you die…I have 2 adopted children from Guatemala, A boy and a girl, Then, 2 nieces that we have legal guardianship of, and then we had a surprise baby. We have hispanic people in our family already, so Guatemala seemed a good fit for us, but again it was God who led us there, as he will lead you to the exact child, he has waiting for you….One of our children is special needs. I can tell you that, she is the biggest blessing to our life. Don’t let the propect of special needs scare you, should God lead you that way too. I love all these children in the fiercest possible way and could not imagine life with out one of them, and I thank God everyday that He chose this family for us. His ways are higher! and His love never fails! God Bless you on your journey! Praying for you!
My husband and I adopted our two little girls 7 years ago from Russia. They are biological siblings (people always ask me if they are REAL sisters which drives me bonkers…. nope they are pretend ones…ha!) The girls were 4 and 2 at the time and it was the best decisions we have ever made. It was an awesome experience and I am thankful each day that I look at my now 11 and 9 yr old daughters they are mine. I am a firm believer adoption is not a decision you will ever regret. Our story even involved me getting in a car accident after our 1st trip to Russia and having major surgery on my arm 4 days prior to our trip to go back and pick them up. Ok, I will stop now because I could go on forEVER : )
Hi Layla. Congratulations on making the decision to adopt!
Adoption can be very difficult and complicated, but also very rewarding. I see a lot of people here just “prayed” and “felt” their way thru, but we were much more practical. I think it should be said that whatever you decide is “ok”. Don’t feel guilty if you only want a baby, or can’t handle extensive special needs. You can only handle what you can handle, and that’s ok.
Do you want an infant? Are you open to other races? Does your community offer much diversity (it’s often difficult for children to be the only non-white family member or classmate)? If you adopt from another country, you may want to offer your child native language classes and things like that. Are they available? Are there countries you have an interest in or connection to? Are you open to children that were cared for in orphanages (which can be quite harmful to children, but can be gratifying–and on the other hand, exhausting– for you to heal them)? As a previous poster said, be careful about warnings about corruption in poor countries where American adoption dollars tempt people to do unspeakable things. What about your budget? It’s a sad fact that $$ plays a part in family building.
We adopted a son from Guatemala (20 months at homecoming) age 6, had a biological son age 4, and adopted a daughter from Korea (9 months at homecoming) now 2. I have the most perfect, awesome family. I couldn’t be prouder of all my kids. I can’t wait to hear how it goes.
Leila,
I have left you a message through your contact. I am a retired social worker with an Alabama adoption agency and can give you some specific things to consider before you contact an agency as well as insight about the process from the agency perspective. These will help you sort out your feelings and your situation which is different for each couple. For instance, home study expectations, fingerprinting, Open Adoption, Interstate Compact, etc.There are more things to consider that you might realize. Please check your contact messages.
Wow, that is SUCH exciting news! I know you both will make wonderful parents!
As soon as I read your post, I remembered a post I read from Jen Hatmaker, not sure if you’ve heard of her. She is the author of a book entitled, “7” and a pastor’s wife in a unique and thriving church plant in Austin, TX – an area known as a “graveyard for church planters”. She wrote a blog post about her adoptive experience one year later, reflecting on several different stages she and her husband went through after bringing two new, older children into their family. It is raw, emotional and encouraging – with a dash of cynical humor thrown in for good measure. In other words, it’s written in a style that only Jen can write! Here is the link: http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/08/21/the-truth-about-adoption-one-year-later
Though we’ve never adopted, I’m a mom of twin nine-year-old boys. This is what I’ve learned about parenting (though I still have MUCH to learn): 1) show up (in other words, be there – spend lots of time with your child); 2) lavish your child with love and encouragement; 3) use common sense and 4) be the parent (set the boundaries; be fair, but be consistent) and always show love:) I would add to that the most important thing…teach them to know, love and serve God. Parenting is tough, but it is a beautiful and sweet reward in and of itself.
I do hope this encourages you as you start your journey!!
One of my daughters adopted three siblings. It began when she was working at a crisis care facility. Here’s a quote from a blog post where she talks about adoption: ” I always knew I’d be a mother. The desire has always been there; although back then I wanted ten kids because I had ten beautiful names picked out 🙂 This dream came to be in an amazing way because God didn’t give us biological kids. Instead, He led our hearts into adopting three amazing kids – handpicked for us, like wildflowers God carefully removed from the side of the road and neatly arranged in a vase in our home. My oldest child said to me once: “do you think since God knew we would be your kids someday, He gave us traits like you and dad?” And He did. Because they are like us in so many ways – they even look like us! I’ve learned through adoption that when the desire comes from God, but it doesn’t seem to coming true, He may be planning to fulfill that desire in a way other than what you expect. I look for that now. When my heart has a desire, I try to be open to a rearrangement of the fulfillment of that desire.” http://www.rachellohrman.com/2012/01/childhood-dreams-come-true-and-my-word.html
Layla, when God gives someone the desire to adopt, he also provides the child (ren). ~Blessings coming your way!
We had always though adoption was an option for us, even before we found out it was our only option to create our family. So making the decision to start the process was pretty easy. We adopted our two kids locally. We knew there was a need for parents of children in our own community (Toronto, Ontario), but many adoptive parents by-pass the route because the majority of the children available through Children’s Aid are considered “special needs” adoptions. I put the quotes because in our case that just meant our children were a sibling pair and one of them was over the age of 5; nothing needy about that, though they certainly are special to us.
The kids were 3 and 5 when they came into our lives, we were open to older children as we had been very involved in the lives our nieces as well as many other friends’ children from birth, and felt we had a sense of what those years were like and didn’t need to have that time with kids to develop the bond of parenthood. Quite frankly, if I was being given the option, I was happy to skip that first 3-6 months often referred to as the fourth trimester. I did put one stipulation that I wanted to be the one to take my kids to their first day of school. Just something that I held as important. In the end our daugher had already started schooh the Fall that we met and adopted them, but my husband reminded me that there is a first day of school every year, and I haven’t missed one since.
Hi Kevin and Layla,
Fourteen years ago, we had our son through IVF after several years of struggling with infertility. A couple years later, we decided to adopt rather than try IVF again. We decided to adopt from Russia but when we found out all that was involved, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it. Least of which would be making 2 trips to Russia and having to leave our son at home. But my heart wouldn’t let me give up. I kept feeling that our family was not complete and I couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling (God is good at that nagging stuff) that we were meant to do this. So we dug in our heels and brought our beautiful daughter home when she was 15 months old. She is now 10 years old and she brings an amazing amount of joy and life into our lives. She made our family complete.
Good luck with your journey ~ I just know there is a child (children) out there waiting for you.
It looks like you have a lot of advice to digest. I hope everything works out for you, as I think you’d make awesome parents (just a sense I have from reading your blog over the past couple years). Our son wasn’t adopted, but I have friends who have adopted 5 kids, 3 boys from Canada and 2 girls from overseas. Although they couldn’t have their biological family, I don’t sense they feel like they missed out. It’s a true blessing to them!
Sending a big Thank You to everyone who has shared their story on this thread. Soaking up every last word!
Hi Layla and Kevin! Thanks so much for sharing this heart felt post and passion for adoption. What a journey adoption is and how exciting to see how God can bring families together!! I just wanted to let you know that i am the Adoption Services Manager at Loving Shepherd Ministries. We offer free services to families considering adoption. We help families understand which programs they are eligible to adopt from, provide extensive information on each program, answer any questions or concerns and provide research on agencies for each program a family may be interested in pursuing for adoption. I have helped over 5,000 families in the past 9 years. Please visit our website if you’d like to learn more or if i can help in anyway….thanks so much!! Jen
Adoption can be a blessing. But remember this; the person you adopt will be known as an adopted person forever and needs to know from the start. I know because my husband is adopted and it has created problems for him. He had some health problems that could not be resolved satisfactorily because his medical/family history was unknown. His records were sealed and he didn’t even have a birth certificate for 42 years. Luckily we were able to find his birthmother and she answered some questions but the birthfather denies it and refuses to provide any information. Many foreign born adopted people have no medical history and develop medical problems. Also, please remember that you do not OWN the child; your purpose is to guide and help the child grow into a loving, caring person. If you love someone you should set them free!
I already left my story, but I wanted to leave a few more thoughts. If you are considering International Adoption, please check Ethica’s Country Pages to see if there are questionable adoption practices in the country you choose. I have known people waiting for years to bring home children when countries close because of ethics violations. Be aware that many powerful groups that work with and for children’s rights, such as UNICEF, are very anti-adoption and are in country making international adoption more difficult.
If you adopt domestically, I would have a discussion now about how open you want your adoption to be. Some people are willing to share annual updates through an agency. But, mothers are increasingly looking for parents who will have a fully disclosed adoption (they know your email, phone number address and, depending on how the relationship develops, may show up at the child’s birthday party or to a family holiday).
Last, race is an issue in adoption. I don’t know the racial climate of the area you live in… but if you are willing to adopt a non-white child, your adoption process won’t take as long. And, some agencies even charge less. :o(
I wanted to validate the UNICEF comment. We were caught in Guatemala when they closed adoptions. UNICEF was a huge influence in that closure. They are also targeting other countries.
But, there have been alot of irregularities, reports of stolen children, etc. out of Guatemala. Do your homework on the country and proceed with eyes wide open. Ethica is a good sight because they are for changes in adoption policy rather than anti-adoption.
When I started our adoption in Haiti, adoptions were taking 6-9 months. UNICEF worked with the Haitian government to “fix” adoptions there. Since we were caught in the middle of the “fix,” our adoption to 30 months to finalize. Our son, who was 5 months at the time of referral was nearly 3 years old. He lived institutionalized for 3 years! Pre-Earthquake, adoptions were taking 18-24 months. Now, Haiti has entered the Hague Convention and new adoptions are not even being considered until the country meets the Hague criteria.
My husband was adopted domestically and we knew before we were married that we’d adopt some day. We just had our 20 yr anniversary and we got home from China last December with our five year old special needs daughter. We chose China because it is a predictable and fairly easy process for the special needs program. The special needs range from very minor to life threatening/major. Our daughter miraculously ended up not having a special need. She had grown out of it a year before we adopted her (childhood epilepsy)! We also have 3 older girls and we didn’t want to take years to complete the process as we wanted them all to have as much time togther as possible before the older ones moved out of the house. Our entire process took less than nine months. It has been a beautiful journey and such a huge blessing. I can’t wait til we’re able to start the process for #5!
Love, love, love your blog, by the way. One of the few that I actually check frequently. I went to Southern Accents in Cullman while visiting my folks in AL. Loved it!
Kelly
You guys such awesome people and you’re going to be even more awesome parents. This is going to be such an exciting journey. Best of of luck and we will definitely keep you in our prayers. Please keep us posted with any updates 🙂
We PRAYED – God lead and we followed. That is the short of it. As you probably know, just like anything ‘big’ in life there were a lot more twists and turns than I can write in this comment section. But wanted to mention the way I found your blog was through Joy’s blog a LONG time ago 🙂 MANY blessings, on your journey.
Love your blog!
Thought you might enjoy reading about this family! Good luck to you and Kevin – everything will work out according to Plan.
Best Regards,
Tiffany Harris
Santa Barbara, CA
After researching Christian adoption agencies for quite a while, we decided to go with “House of Ruth”. It is a ministry out of Calvary Chapel in Downey, California. Their goal is to help the birth mom make the best decision; they are not trying to get her to put the child up for adoption. They were more affordable than international adoption (something very much on our hearts) and were spiritually on the same page as us. After putting in our file we were chosen about 8 months later. One month after that, our precious son, Ezekiel, was born. I was in the operating room with our birth mom; cut my sons umbilical cord, and was the first to hold him. He is such and amazing gift! Seven months later I gave birth to his little brother…but that’s another story!
God Bless you guys in whatever path you choose.
Tess
I am so excited to read this post! 🙂 As an adoptive parent, I once had all the same questions you have. There are no simple answers though. We originally went with China (eight years ago) because we felt that’s where the need was (at that time). We have adopted three times:
1) China – non special needs / 11 month old
2) Vietnam – non special needs / 11 month old
3) China – special needs – repaired club foot / 3 year old
We just returned home with our newest daughter last Friday. Feel free to check out my blog and ask questions if you have any! Good luck with this journey! It will be a blessing to you!
we are hoping to adopt soon…or at least start the process soon. i am really praying for my husband to be ready and lead us on this journey. through discussion we have decided on usa (anywhere but our home state) or uganda. uganda because 4-5 families in our church have adopted from the same orphanage there and it would hopefully re-connect the child to some friends they had in uganda. so many exciting changes are coming your way!!
We adopted our son in 2011! It is the most amazing journey! It deepened our understanding and love for Jesus Christ and it grew our marriage! It’s certainly not all easy but its well worth every trial and triumph in the end! You can read our full story here: http://mommynprogress.blogspot.com/2011_01_01_archive.html
We plan (if the Lord allows) to adopt again at some point!! We used an adoption consultant (Faithful Adoption Consultants) instead of going directly through an agency and it was well worth every extra penny to have someone navigating you through the process, someone praying for you each step of the way and encouraging you in your journey!
Enjoy the journey!!
Hi Layla!
I have been reading your blog for just a few months and now I think I know why God lead me to reading. I am an adoptive mom of a precious baby boy who is almost 2 years old and jumping in head first to adopt number 2 and possibly 3.
I truly believe the only way you know what program to go with is really to follow where the Lord is leading. We have been on the most incredible journey and seen God move in ways we wouldn’t have had we not chosen to adopt. Our process took 7 years (2 failed international, 1 domestic), but it was worth it! You can read all about our journey on our blog (and see our precious little one). We are WELL versed on both international and domestic adoption, so please feel free to ask questions.
Many blessings to you both!
heather
Thank you so much for sharing this! It’s so encouraging to read other families’ adoption stories. We have plans to adopt one day, but it will probably be after a few years when we are ready to have children.
Layla and Kevin,
Thank you for sharing with us your desire to adopt. My husband and I have 2 children who came to us an infants through domestic adoption. Like you mentioned, we also had doors open and close along the way. It is truly a journey. We were led to our children through 2 different families in our church. We used a different agency for each adoption, both of which were great experiences. Looking back we can see how God’s plan beautifully unfolded in His perfect timing. From the financial aspect to the agencies we used, we can see that He led us through it all the way. We had our struggles, but hopefully learned and grew from it. The end result is so worth it! (I’m in your area. Feel free to email me if I can help in any way.)
God bless you for wanting to adopt. I just wanted to let you know about one option that I never hear people speak of. Foster parenting. You can become a foster parent first and then adopt the youngster(s) if their biological parents’ rights have been terminated. It’s a great idea and virtually free.
I wish you well. I know it’s hard to be patient when you want something so bad. God will bless you.
My husband and I have 8 children; 4 by birth and 4 by adoption. We know God worked all things together, so that we ended up with exactly the children he had planned for us. Each of our adoption journeys involved twists and turns that at the time were painful, but ultimately led us to our child. We experienced birth moms who opted to parent rather than go through with their adoption plan, a foreign country who halted their adoption program just as we were paper-ready; we switched adoption facilitators in mid-process, etc. etc. One of our sons actually came to us because the first family his birth mom chose said the holidays were too busy a time to take a newborn. The 2nd time through the family profiles we were chosen. Oh, how grateful we are that we didn’t miss out on our son! He is 18 now and has been such a gift to our family.
I would encourage you to research various agencies and adoption programs. Our experience was that God did open and close doors and made it very clear which route would lead to our child. We just “knew” when we’d made the right connection.
God gave us 2 African American sons, adopted domestically at birth. They are now 21 and 18. We then adopted 2 daughters from Haiti. They came home at 6 months and 23 months and are now 14 and 13.
Last year God brought a 3rd Haitian child into our lives. We had heard about this child’s need for a new adoptive family and prayed God would provide just the right family for him. Eventually God made it clear that WE were the family He was asking to make room for this child. He’s been with us for 15 months and just this week we celebrated his 14th birthday.
We naively thought this adoption would be quick and inexpensive and so much easier emotionally, considering he’s already living with us. But, as others have said, adoption is not for sissies and this situation has its own complications and hurdles. We will press on. Experience has taught us that no matter what we go through, our children are worth it!
God already knows exactly who He has planned for you and Kevin. Just pray, walk through open doors and be open to where He leads!
Aww, I started crying when I saw you mention Firecracker and Little One. I’ve been following that journey faithfully for months and can’t wait to do the same with you guys! As I’ve done with them, I’ll be praying for you guys and thanking God for the wonderful gift you’ll be giving (and getting from!) your own special little someone. I’m always struck by the fact that God chose to use the image of adoption to describe his relationship with us. What a beautiful, beautiful thing!
We adopted our son from Vietnam in 2006. A year later we applied to adopt from Vietnam again, only to have the country shut down to adoptions (they are still closed). This summer we decided to move forward and we are adopting from China. We are doing a special needs adoption and are requesting a child with cleft lip/palate.
The journey at times has been difficult, but I know God has been faithfully guiding us this whole time. The thing I always know is that we are not going to miss getting the child God has planned for us…any delay or change in plans only sets us up to be matched with our child at the perfect time.
Have you read the book Adopted for Life? That book is a must read! It is the only book I have found that captured exactly how I felt about adoption.
Praying for you!
Here is how we were led to open adoption, by way of a domestic infant program. We are in the process to adopt again through the same avenue…
Adoption has completed our family in ways we never could have planned or imagined. There are so many children of all ages who are waiting right in our own cities. Our little guy came to us through foster care at one month old. We never know if a foster placement will turn into an adoption, but this we do know, we can provide a place of love, acceptance, and security even if just for a little while for a child that could make a lifelong difference to them and to us. We get to keep one and to love many more! Best wishes in your journey.
We adopted from Ethiopia 5 years ago. Our son is now in 2nd Grade.
How we chose Ethiopia: It’s where our son was. I get asked that all the time, and that is really the only answer I can think of. We were open to domestic, international, whatever. But every single time I researched all I kept coming back to was Ethiopia. I would have dreams about Ethiopia. I would meet families from Ethiopia or with kids from Ethiopia, etc. It was everywhere. And I just knew that’s where we were supposed to go.
My advice: People will say there are no guarantees in adoption. This is true. But there are no guarantees in life. I am both a biological and adoptive parent, and one is not harder than the other. Even a pregnancy is not a guarantee for a healthy child. Even the perfect gene mix between yourself and your husband is not a guarantee for the perfect child. 99.9% of the time I feel like bio and adoptive parenting is the same. I feel the same about my kids. I’m just as tired, awed, amazed, overcome, impressed, in love with all my kids. Here’s how the two can be different. When my biological child is throwing a fit related to being hungry, I don’t need to worry that it’s related to long term fears over food insecurity (downright starvation) suffered as an infant. If my biological kids says he hates me (as 3 year-olds are wont to do from time to time) I feel awful, but I don’t worry about detachment disorders etc. That said, with my bio kids I still worry. I still don’t have all the answers. Bio kid, adoptive kid, it might be slightly different questions I am asking myself, but it still questions and often just as hard ones. We adopted our son knowing he’d face lifelong learning issues. This has been true. What we didn’t know is he would have an amazing attitude, crazy work-ethic and be tireless in his pursuit of learning. Yeah he struggles but he’s doing great in school, and his attitude will carry him far in life. Contrast that with our bio son whose in the gifted program and will do or say anything to get out of the smallest amount of work and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to change this negative behavior. So even though one I took care of myself during pregnancy, did all the early learning, stuff you are supposed to do… guess which kid I spend more hours worrying about school/future stuff? It’s funny the way life works. So just dive in. Be realistic about what you can take on, and besides that know that even with a biological kid you just never really know what you are getting until they are here and you are living it.
Go for open adoption if you can… even if it is uncomfortable… even if it terrifies you. We are blessed to know our son’s relatives. It is amazing to know about his life before he was with us (even the not so great stuff). But more importantly it has meant so much to my son. The older he gets the more questions he has, and I am so thankful we have answers for him (age appropriately, sharing slightly more in depth as he gets older).
Trans-racial adoption is wonderful… but be committed to it… and be honest if you can handle it. Your child of color will face a different reality than you outside your doors and away from your family. If think I am playing the race card, or preparing our child for racism that no longer exists in a post-Obama US… well wait until your child comes home from kindergarten having been called the n-word. I can share a lot of statistics to back up my point (and there is a lot of great reading out there of firsthand accounts from trans-racial adoptees). But the reality is it’s different out there for him then it ever was more me. And yet somehow I have to prepare him for that world I’ve never experienced. Be honest about how you can handle that. I’m not perfect, but I am learning.
We started our journey by going to an adoption workshop through a homestudy agency. We knew we were going to adopt, but we had no idea where we would be going. We prayed about it a lot and my husband and I both felt that God was leading us to China. At that time we thought that if we were adopting from China that we would be adopting a baby girl. We quickly learned that there were many boys available for adoption from China as well. Many of these little boys have special needs, something else we weren’t very familiar with. We decided we were going to be open to adopting a child with special needs. China requires adoptive parents to be 30 years old and I was only 29 so we had to wait a few months. A few days before my 30th birthday we got the call that they had a file of a little boy for us to look at. This precious boy was a little over a year old and had a repaired cleft lip and palate. He was our son! We knew it instantly! We adopted him in 2007. We went back for another little boy in 2009 and then again in 2011 for another little boy. We have 4 wonderful boys (our oldest is biological). Adoption has changed our lives and we are so thankful for all the blessings God has given us. Special needs adoption from China usually takes under a year.
I’m the second oldest of 11 kids, 6 of whom were adopted! My parents run an international adoption agency and have a passion for uniting children with loving families. A few of my siblings have since gone on to work for them in some capacity or another, and I have been privileged to be able to escort babies home from Russia and India. I love that my family has been impacted by adoption and, in turn, impacts the world through adoption.
I currently put together Family Profile books for families wanting to introduce themselves to birth mothers. Layla, I’d be honored if you wanted to use my services (for free!) to have me put a book together for you and Kevin! You can use it for both domestic and international adoption: whichever you chose, and you can take it to your agency of choice. All rights become yours. You may not remember me, but you did a decorating consultation for me a few years ago! Look back at my blog (search Layla) and hopefully it will jog your memory. Anyway, check out my adoption profile website to see what I’m talking about, and let me know if you would be interested in this gift: http://www.designedforadoption.com/Design_Examples.html
After struggling for almost years trying to get AND stay pregnant (that’s its own story), we found an adoption attorney we liked and felt comfortable with. We were “listed” with him for 3 years and no matches. To make a very long story as short as possible. We tried IVF once more. Got pregnant with twins, lost one at 12 weeks. Held our breath for the entire pregnancy, with rejoices when major milestones were met and all was well with my baby girl and myself. 11 days before I was induced we received a call from our adoption attorney. Picked for a little boy born that morning. Drove from Nor Cal to So Cal, met our son just before midnight, came home the next day. The weirdest part for me…the birthmother was shown our profile by mistake.
My son, at age 4.5, says he and his sister are twins. We are very open that he is adopted. He’s always heard the word and the simple explanation I currently give to them both.
Never believed in fate before, but both my children were meant for our family.
Best of luck to you, it’s an amazing experience.
Adoption was always something I planned on. I told my husband while we were still dating that it was something I wanted to do. The way I was it working out was having a couple biological children, the adopting. Life changed those plans. Our biological daughter was born with heart issues and lived for just two days. The next year we had two miscarriages. All we wanted to do was be parents so we decided to adopt. Two and a half years after the death of our daughter we brought our now 9 year old home. We now have three children (9, 6 and 3 years old) through domestic adoption. My main reason for going with domestic the first time was that I wanted a newborn. I had missed all those newborn moments with my daughter. After that we were able to adopt two more children from our own state. We are so thankful that adoption let us have a family. It is such an incredible gift! Good luck with your own adoption journey. It is worth it!!!!
My advice – take one step at a time and thank God for closed doors in the mean time. Partnering with a trusted agency is a great way to get the ball rolling. For us, that was the hardest decision (i.e. we had to take a s-t-e-p). The rest was a natural flow of God’s leading. God will awaken areas of your heart, heal hurts, reveal hidden dreams or notions that never fully developed and weave together something beautiful!
We adopted from China. The plight of the orphan resonates the loudest with us. So, that, we think is a great starting place. Where is the need that you perceive greatest? How does it marry with your life story thus far? God presented us with the option of China or Ukraine. We simply chose China for a few “logical” reasons in our minds, but the overwhelming nudge came from remembering how my Southern, fishing, timber-cruising, tender-hearted Daddy was spurred to do something for a little girl in China. He became a sponsor. He died a few years later and then in 10 more years, when we began our adoption journey, we chose to carry on his legacy by choosing China. So, for us it’s personal and I think it will be for you, too.
My husband believes that getting involved in missions will touch your heart and change your future. So, that is also a great place to start. James 1:27
Blessings to you along your journey and thank God for the answer because He already holds it (like a friend shared with me once).
Suzanne
I had always had the desire to adopt a child, even before I got married. I didn’t know if that would happen after I got married; I figured I would get pregnant and our family would grow. When we found out that was not possible I knew it was God’s way of giving me a child and having the wonderful experience of adopting.
We called several local agencies and attorneys and asked many questions. We wanted to adopt a newborn. We used an adoption attorney and an agency that works with adoptive parents. We had contact with our child’s birth mother once we were matched with her. We talked weekly until our child’s birth. We spent a couple of days with her before the birth (we live different states) and were in the room when our son was born. At the time the contact we had seemed to make it more difficult at times, but I am so glad that I had that contact with her. We formed a personal relationship with real meaning to who she is and who I am. Our son is 18 months old now and I can’t imagine a greater love or my life without him. I know God chose him to be my son.
You will know what is the right choice for you when it presents itself. I wish you all the best and will pray for y’all on this journey.
Jennifer
Wow! There are a lot of comments about adoption! I LOVE it! I LOVE adoption. I was where you were about a year ago. We literally explored every avenue and finally found one that stuck and a son that we love ferociously. It’s like we had to try everything else because we were waiting for our son. I love that everyone is passionate about the way they adopted. I honestly don’t know if we would go this route again because I think many routes are great but we used an adoption consultant who introduced us to an agency and our kiddo. It moved a lot faster than just a traditional agency. We had a heart for orphans and we ended up adopting a newborn from a neighboring state. I can’t wait to hear more about this and see a cute little kiddos room.
Layla and Kev:
I cried my way thru a few of these and had to stop reading. Such powerful stories. When the time is right — that baby/child will be yours. Remember, you are working in Gods’ time, not yours.
At 64, I have long since told everyone I was a foster child. Matter of fact, I just got back from California, where I visited my 2 foster moms and 2 of my precious foster sisters.
Have to checked into taking in a foster child? There are alot of them out there, who need good homes.
Now that I am settled back in my own home……..I’ve been reading your missed posts and tearing up while reading. Girlfriend…….you have a wonderful way with words. I hope someday we see a book by Layla on our shelves. My love to you………………Ter’e P.S. Of course, I would still follow that HGTV dream. We’d all love to see you and Kev doin your thang!!!!!! 🙂
After our daughter passed away when she was 15 months old, we started looking into adoption. My husband had lunch with a client who adopted through a local private agency. We loved everything about the agency and it just felt right. We waited 10 months for our son Jackson. We brought him home when he was 9 days old and he’s had our heart ever since. That was 4 years after our daughter passed away and he’ll be two next month. We are waiting to adopt again. We wanted to do domestic adoption because there are children everywhere that need loving families. And we knew we would not be able to afford to travel overseas. We’ve had friends adopt through the foster care system, who have adopted overseas and domestically. All the situations were different, but the love is exactly the same. Adoption is a long process, but you have to be faithful at all turns. Blessings on your journey!
I always watch for updates about adoption because that was the reason I first found you. We live in Alberta, Canada and chose to pursue our adoption journey with both our provincial public system the first year and added a private agency the second year. Although you can never put a price tag on your family, it was important to us to not be in debt when starting our family. As well, quite a few of the international programs available to our province were not accepting applications or had very high income requirements. 1.5 years later we recieved three placements in less than 8 months, all through Children Services. We have 3 children under five, one that the adoption has been officially granted. We hope to finalize the others throught the foster-to-adopt program. It remains a rollercoaster. Many trials and blessings. We wish you the best!
My parents took in two teenage boys from the inner city of our small town when I was in high school, taking our family of 7 to a family of 9.
Neither of the boys’ mothers could keep them any longer. Because of the age of both of the boys and the complexity of the situations my parents never officially adopted them, but have put them through private school and college. One of the boys(age 15) had never used real silverware before and could read but not really write. The other(16) had never had a bed of his own and was tested as mentally disabled (which we discovered was from a lack of stimulation, not a lack of ability).
Fast forward seven years and a lot of studying and tutoring later: One graduated with a computer science degree last year and the other is in business school currently. Because they wanted to give back, both spent two summers as camp counselors for needy kids.
The process was not alwasy easy but we are truly a blended family. See our picture here. http://thedomesticlady.com/my-family-there-are-a-lot-of-us/
We’re the proud parents of three beautiful children adopted domestically from right here in Alabama. If you’re interested, I can give you the info on the agency we used. We adopted out of birth order, with the now baby of the family coming home first and then about a year and a half later we had the opportunity to adopt her older half-brother and sister as well. Adoption is not for the faint of heart, as I’m sure you know. Have you met with a social worker who specializes in adoption issues? They might be able to help you think through your options and the type of adoption or placement that would be best for your family. The agency we used required this and it was very beneficial.
I hesitate to write – you already have so many comments on this that I am sure your head is spinning! But, I can’t resist. I am still in the adoption “wait” and only so many people can tolerate me blathering on about the same topic for years on end!
I had difficulty deciding on where to adopt from and it took about 18 months to make an official decision. I initially started on an Ethiopia program waitlist, but never felt like it was the one. I eventually had to let this option go because I just wasn’t feeling comfortable with it. But, I did learn a bit more about what I DID want: (1) a small, transparent program – they seem to have less issues with corruption and (2) one agency to deal with – with Ethiopia I had to have both a provincial agency and a facilitator agency. I also wanted to have some sort of “heart” connection to the country and played around with the ideas of Honduras, the Congo and Haiti before setting them aside – they just didn’t feel right.
Finally, when I was feeling like I was just going to have to make a random choice, I called up my preferred agency and asked if they had anything new in the works. And they did! As soon as I heard about the Lesotho program (having wondered why it wasn’t an option in the past, with a 30% HIV infection rate), I knew it was the one for me and I signed up the next day 🙂 Things are MUCH slower than anticipated, but I still know it is the right country for me – snow topped mountains, horses and peach trees all in Africa!
And, if this plan doesn’t work out, I know it will lead me somewhere else. My first choice is to adopt from Africa because it is important to me to give a home to a child who doesn’t have any other options. However, the bottom line is that I am a mom in need of a child and someday, somewhere, I will find a little boy or girl in need of a mom too 🙂
I just wanted to take a second to wish you the best in your journey! My two older brothers and I are biological children, and we have three younger sisters who are adopted from China. My three sisters are a joy and a blessing to me every day. My relationship with them is really special, and I can’t imagine our family being complete without them. Our family is big, and it is loud, and we all look different, but we are blessed to have each other. There are beautiful children in need of a home all over the world, and wherever you choose, your family will be amazing. Good luck!
Uganda! We are headed over there very soon to pick up our son!! Email me if you have questions or want to follow our journey. Can’t wait!!!
In fact, any chance you want to come as our photographer/videographer? Think about it! Yes?!
We have two beautiful adopted children who were both born in the town we live in. We adopted through Bethany Christian Services. Our experience with Bethany has been amazing! We have open relationships with both birth moms and their mothers too. It has been quite a journey and we are so blessed!
One thing we really liked about Bethany was that adoption was really a byproduct of what their real mission was – to help children. They counsel lots and lots of women, give financial assistance and do many other things, all in the name of making a child’s life better. Sometimes that means adoption, sometimes it doesn’t.
Our waiting process wasn’t very long at all for either of our children. But it can be. Through domestic adoption, you create a profile of your family and Bethany shows it to potential birth moms (and dads) who would be a good fit. This is based on the criteria you lay out and the criteria the birth moms choose as well. Then they basically pick you. You meet and go from there.
When we first considered adoption, I was totally against having an open adoption. Now, I can’t imagine our lives any other way. We are so blessed to come along side these women who have made such a selfless decision to give their children a chance at life. Their choice gave us a family! And we are so blessed by our unique family!
Dear Layla and Kevin,
I have been wondering what was going on with your adoption! I just wanted to share with you that I/we have three adopted children… our son is from Florida, one daughter from Kazakhstan and one daughter from Latvia. All three adoptions were very different. I also want to let you know that my husband and I are advocates for an orphan hosting program, “Project One Forty Three,” and are part of a team that brings orphans over twice a year to stay in homes. 80% of these children end up finding forever families!
Adoption is one of the most intimate encounters with God you will have… and one of the most precious privileges we could ever have.
I’d love to be a resource for you or help in any way I can. You can get some information on how hosting works at http://www.projectonefortythree.com. You can also email me at [email protected] if you want to chat about it. I know God will lead you guys right to the path He has prepared for you… and it will be so exciting to watch unfold.
Hugs. Dawn
We traveled to South Korea to pick up our 17 month old son this past May after two years of paperwork, delays, etc. We had always known we would adopt but figured we would do it through the foster system after having one or two biological children. After three years of miscarriages and unexplained infertility (despite every surgery and treatment possible) AND a failed domestic adoption, we decided on Korea because of it’s relative stability, health of their children (excellent medical care through the government), and the relatively short waiting period (as opposed to six years for China, for example). We really just wanted to have a child after all of our disappointments and heartache, so this was the best choice for us and we couldn’t be happier. For future children, we will probably explore foster adoption or domestic adoption again since the desperate feeling of JUST WANTING A FAMILY NOW has tempered with the addition of our son.