I read something recently about how every now and then “our journey collides with someone who changes it all”.
It made me think about the past fews years that we’ve been blogging/reading blogs and how, for us, that “someone” has so often been a person on the other side of our computer screen. Someone that we may or may not ever even have the chance to meet in person- but man we wish we could, because reading what they wrote definitely changed our journey for the better.
The following post is a tender one, and we’re hoping to hear from lots of “someone’s” in the comments section today.
We started researching adoption a couple of years ago, and right away, we knew that it was definitely something we wanted to be a part of. My dad was adopted as an infant, and his adoptive parents, my Grandma Evelyn and Grandpa Richard, were….
Gosh.
I don’t even know that I can put into words how much I love and miss them.
I keep a picture of them on my nightstand and I find so much comfort in their smiles every day.
Fast forward to the summer of 2011. We were asked to film a pilot episode for HGTV. It wasn’t something we sought out- they just came a’knockin’, and we felt like we should at least try and give it a whirl. Unsure of what our future held, we put our adoption plans on a temporary hold so that we could figure out what the heck was going to happen with that whole ordeal first.
Long story short, our pilot episode didn’t turn into a TV series this year. Short story even shorter: WHEW! (We are so grateful to have had the opportunity, but we learned real quick that it wouldn’t have been the right fit for us in the long run.)
So here we are. Back to adoption square one.
We’re more eager than ever, but we’re also kind of unsure about where to start (again).
All we know is this:
We want to create a family with a little one, that for one reason or another, needs a mom and dad.
Just like my dad did when he was only 3 months old…
Just like “Firecracker’s” little sister did last week…
Just like Joy’s son Eli did…
Just like Shannan’s daughter Ruby did…
Just like the brothers Mike and Kerri adopted did…
Those folks have inspired us so much, and if our purpose for this life is to Love, and to grow in Love, we look forward to growing in it no matter where it finds us- just like they did.
Love has no boundaries, and neither do our adoption plans. So whether our journey collides with a gift right here at home in Alabama…
…or right here at home in the USA…
…or right here at home, on God’s great Earth…
…we look forward to the opportunity to continue our journey with a little someone who changes it all.
We do have a question for any adoptive or soon-to-be adoptive parents out there, though. How did you decide where to adopt from? There are so many children out there that need families, and we keep feeling led in so many different directions. Doors seem to open and close on us at every turn, which makes the whole process hard to even start. We’d love to hear about your experience if you’re up for sharing it.
PS- Speaking of blog-related journeys and collisions, I just had to include this comment a “someone” named Betsy left on a blog post of ours a while back:
Click the play button below to hear Peter tell his story:
Powerful, powerful stuff…thank you, Betsy. So grateful to have collided with you.
We adopted 16 children through various ways. I have a very out of date blog that skims over our adoption journey. If you have any particular questions I will be glad to try to help you.
Well, you’ve got me bawling over here, Layla! This post really touched me. You see, I was “adopted” by my step-mother who loved and raised me as her own since I was 2, and on the receiving end, I can tell you there is nothing more precious and miraculous one person can do for another. I’m so excited for all the joy coming you and Kevin’s way. Congratulations!!!
My nephew adopted from South Korea just got here one week ago. It was so wonderful after such a long wait! Here’s a video of us all waiting at the airport for him: http://www.cleverphrasehere.blogspot.com/2012/08/welcome-jett.html
It was worth the wait. 🙂
They decided on South Korea because they found a organization that they really trusted and liked, which was important to them.
We didn’t decide; God did. I read books and did research on the diiferent types of adoption. I read a great book called “Small Town Big Miracle” by Bishop W.C. Martin. He is a pastor in a small Texas town where they adopted dozens of foster children. The stories in that book touched my heart like no other but I was convinced we couldn’t be foster parents…there was no way I could let a child go. I knew in my heart I would love them too much and it would tear me apart. I was later told that is what would make me a good foster parent.. Then a “chance” meeting with an adoptive parent who introduced us to her social worker. I visited her foster-adoption agency in December 2010 and we completed the application process and training by the following February 2011. We signed up to be foster-adoptive parents which meant we’d take a child who was ready for adoption but still in the foster system.
Then we received a call a few weeks later asking us if we’d take three…one was 4, the other was 3 and the third was due to be born any day!! We prayed and said yes! My husband wanted a child that was 2 years 9 months and potty trained (he was pretty specific). I wanted a baby. God gave us both! Eighteen months later and we are weeks away from the finalization of the adoption. We couldn’t be happier and we have the blessing of three children. Call us crazy but we’d do it again! My husband once asked me this, “If God told you today He would give you natural born children but you’d have to give up these three, what would you say?” My reply without hesitation, “I don’t need natural children. I already have three perfect ones.”
Pray and let God lead you. His timing is perfect and He knows the where and when. He will provide you with strength, guidance, perseverance, wisdom, grace and the finances necessary to grow your family. There is a child or children that are meant to be yours. Just pray, believe and have faith. James 1:27
Stephanie- you brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing story.
I am a terrible blogger, but you can read some of our story on our blog. We recently adopted two girls from Congo, ages 5 and 7. From the call to adopt to forever in our arms was 3 years. We did not know where God called us to adopt from just that He called us to adopt. Over time God made it clear to us the who what when and where of it all. He changed our hearts and our lives in ways I could never have expected. If you would like more info please email me. By the way, I am originally from AL. My in-laws live in Montgomery, and we have some common friends.
So exciting to read about your adoption process… it’s one of the reasons I’ve been following your blog! My husband and I are officially waiting – paperwork and homestudy done – for domestic infant adoption. It was not a fast decision or process for us, but if there is one thing that I have been learning through this, it’s that God’s timing is perfect. Even though we haven’t reached the “end” of our journey yet, when I would get frustrated at the process (Hurry up and Wait!) I would remind myself again that the timing is in God’s hands and He has the perfect little one for our family!
Prayers for you as you make all these decisions!
Wow Layla ~ I know Peter. Love Peter. I traveled to Peru with Peter in August. I am absolutely green that you are going and cannot wait to hear what you think about it! Just had to say how amazing Peter is. He likes to stay on time and we liked to linger and love longer 😉 (“Get on the Bus, Karin! Just get on the bus!” LOL), but what a true man of God and an amazing story he continues to weave in this man! Thank you for sharing him with the world!
Hey there, I’m so excited to read this blog post. I had wondered if you guys were still in the adoption process. We are at the finish of our adoption process. We are adopting through our state’s foster system. It is a long road and very different than many other adoptions. I’m sure there are pros and cons compared to others..however, we’ve only been through this one. We knew we wanted to adopt and both had seen kids go through the foster care system for years with no “forever family”. We felt called to this cause. I’ll be praying for God to show you right where your child(ren) is!
Layla, My father-in-law was also adopted. I have a huge heart for that as well, but no experience. However, our church home in NC has a great adoption ministry with mothers experienced in international adoption. My good friend, Jena, adopted two kiddos from Uganda a couple years ago and loves to help others on their mission. I’d love to get you in touch with them if you would like.
Oh, wow! I don’t have any advice for you, but adoption had been on my heart so much lately. Watching/reading along with Ashley Ann has given me so much perspective and (I hope) understanding about what it’s like to adopt internationally. I also have friends in real life who have adopted or are adopting right now. Their stories are so different.
One family was in the very final step of adopting from Africa (after a VERY long process), and a family member came forward to claim the children, thus ending the adoption plans. The adoptive family was heartbroken, but they have such a great outlook and trust that God is orchestrating the future of their family (and the future of those children who are no longer orphans).
Another family I know had adopted a baby boy from Korea, and then got a call from their agency letting them know that he had a baby sister, and asked if they would like to adopt her too! They did, and she got to come home a few weeks ago! Another completely amazing part of their story is that the adoptive mom’s sister and her husband were trying to adopt from Africa, but things weren’t working out, so they switched to Korea, and ended up adopting a little boy who had been cared for by the same foster mom as my friend’s little boy! When they went to get him in Korea, she got to tell the foster mom (through a translator) that the two boys would be cousins! Gives me goosebumps. 🙂
I will pray for you and Kevin as you begin this exciting journey!
You have already received so many great comment, but as our experiences have been so special to me I thought I would share.
We have adopted three children through foster care. Our oldest son came into our home at two years old, a year later we were blessed to have a brother (2.5 years old) and sister (10 months) join our family. (To be honest we were not planning on this second addition so soon, but when we received the call we felt so good about it). Our oldest was adopted eighteen months later. The brother and sister returned to there biological parent after we had them in our home… A few months later they came back into foster care and our home. We were able to adopt them a year later.
Several years later we had a liitle boy placed with us from the foster care system. He was a newborn child and we picked Jim up at the hospital… Within a very short period of time it became apparent that the parents would not be able to care for him, and the grandparents indicated they would not be interested in taking on the care… So we looked forward to adopting him. However, after nine months the grandparents changed there mind, and just before his first birthday the state decided to remove him from our home and place him with his grandparents to be adopted by them.
Heavenly Father in his tender and all wise care saw fit to bless us with a miracle. We were blessed with our first biological son… After eleven years of trying. He knew that this baby would ease the loss of the other. The past two years have been a delight. All of our children have blessed our lives (even if for a short time). I believe we will enjoy the blessing of more children in our future and know Heavenly Father opens the door when the timing is right. Good luck to you!
i would be glad to answer an questions on adopting from Korea privately. We have a bio son and adopted our two younger children from Korea. My husband was born and raised in Korea and I also lived there for 4 years so you could say in some ways although paperwork wise we did an “international adoption” in many ways we feel that it was more of a “domestic adoption” especially in my husband’s case of being born and raised in the same country we adopted our younger kids from. Some countries such as Korea keep better medical records. In Korea, the kids live with foster parents instead of in an orphanage until their international paperwork for adoption is completed. Boys are more widely available to adopt in Korea than girls. You will find many people who choose to domestically adopt which is great too!!! But in our case, for us adopting from Korea was the more “domestic adoption” way to go because of the ethnic makeup/ experience of our particular family. Best wishes!
A couple in our church were watching tv one night, and they saw a commercial showing children in a third world country that need support. As they watched the commercial one of the children caught their attention. They were overcome with the feeling that they should try and find our more about this child. They felt, somehow, that this child would become part of their family. And the crazy fabulous part is that he did. All because of one commercial and a “feeling”.
That’s the beauty of it. It will happen exactly when it’s meant to happen. And it will be equally fabulous. And I look forward to being just as excited for you guys!!! 🙂
You can read about our journey to adoption at http://www.stepbysteptojack.blogspot.com. As a young girl I knew I wanted to adopt, even before I realized I had many medical conditions that would only allow me to carry one child as far as 26 weeks. We became foster parents and the first little baby we brought home from the hospital was a little asian boy with tetralogy of fallot (and Down syndrome). We were in love with that little guy but he was chosen for another family. Eight years later, in June of this year, we brought home a little boy from China…who had tetralogy of fallot. God planned it all along, but He chose to guide us …step by step. Jack is 2 1/2, funny, mischievious but so ready to love and be loved. It feels like we have had him since birth. Would we got back and adopt another…YES! We’re praying about it. Trust you feel the Lord’s guidance. Remember, He doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. Praying for you. Jennifer
We were lucky enough to adopt a baby girl in our home country, she was 10 days old when we brought her home 🙂 I count my blessings everyday that I am a Mummy to a beautiful 9 year old girl. We were open to inter country adoption also . This time around with a new partner we are looking at surrogacy as well as adoption, either in New Zealand or inter country. Good luck with your journey, it will happen when it is right to happen. Take care – Rachael xo
One of my frirnds is a missionary to Ukraine and works with orphans there. She trains the older ones in life skills and writes a blog about the whole thing. See the link below.
http://karensprings.blogspot.com.au/?m=1
May God keep your little one safe and protected until you can do it yourself!
Oh you make me cry girl! Though I have not adopted, I am surrounded by those who have …my brother in law and his wife adopted two children in the US (you can see the wedding of my neice on my blog.) My sister adopted from Russia. They went to pick up two, but only one was allowed to leave. Heartbreakingly, the other one (an infant) was too sick to leave. I teach precious adopted children in my class – one family has adopted 3. You and Kevin are in my prayers for these plans that God has for you. If I can provide you any information from any of these folks just say the word and I will get it for you.
Blessings.
Kelly
Hi Layla and Kevin —
Kudos to you my web friends! I am the unbelievably fortunate mother of two beautiful girls adopted from China. Chloe is 17 and Sophie is 13 now. Chloe was five months old when we adopted her and Sophie was eight months old. I could not have been more thrilled to be their mother and am blessed for each of their biological parents who were most likely forced to give these beautiful babies up for adoption. China had a one child policy, hence the numbers of baby girls who were available were so large, we decided to go to China to become parents. It’s truly amazing how we are all so inter-connected — often through the kindness or tough decisions of strangers among us. Another unexpected miracle happened and after dropping off our application to our agency for our second adoption — I found out I was pregnant that evening. I had had several miscarriages and was not overly hopeful, however, nine months later, my son Noah was born — right between the two adoptions. We live in Concord, MA — not the most diverse populations, but together “we are the world.” When they were four years old and younger (they’re 22 months apart), people would stop me in the street to ask me if they were all mine. Proudly, I responded — “absolutely they are.” The wonderful thing about adoption is that EVERYONE wins — you will as a couple and certainly your child will be so blessed. I’m more than happy to speak with you both about my adoption journey. Congratulations — as I was told at my first meeting at the agency we used — no matter what you’ve been through before — this will end in success!
Can’t wait to hear your progress!
Oh, Layla!!! My head is still spinning & our hearts are bursting w/ joy because….we got THE CALL on Friday to adopt 2 precious brothers in Ethiopia (4 years old & 5 months old)!!! We haven’t gone all the way public just yet…we have a fun video we are going to post on our blog later this week. 🙂 but I just want to encourage you that this is a beautiful journey whatever direction you go!!!!
How exciting for you! I love reading your blog and was thrilled to read your post on adoption.
I was adopted as an infant and our family adopted our youngest child 11 years ago, from Russia. You can read our story here:
http://lindapolson.blogspot.com/2011/01/from-russia-to-love.html
This post brings tears of joy to my eyes. I was adopted and it makes me remember not that I was “given up” but I was placed in a loving home where I was wanted so very much.
I pray your child will soon be in your arms.
Pray Pray Pray….and then pray some more 🙂
For us, picking an agency & deciding what “type” of adoption to go for kind of happened at the same time. We have 2 bio kids & were ok with not having an infant, and I have always felt drawn towards international adoption. We started researching agencies pretty heavily – unfortunately there is corruption in the world of international adoption, so picking an agency is SUPER IMPORTANT! You want to make sure you are involved with an ETHICAL agency!!!! At the same time we were picking our agency, we were researching countries – some we could exclude right away because of certain qualifications we didn’t meet. Our top choice for an agency ended up having the program we wanted (Ethiopia), and it has been a perfect match!
There are also yahoo groups and facebook groups that review agencies & share experiences.
I could go on forever about adoption 🙂
Best of luck & prayers on your journey!
We started the adoption process this summer. We at first thought we’d try to do a private adoption (which would mean we’d have to find a birth mother ourselves) but that proved to be very difficult and too stressful for us . So now we’re working with an adoption agency. The process is still very difficult because it is taking so much time to go from step to step and we’re tired of waiting for our little one! It is also difficult emotionally, but we know we need to hang in there and wait for God’s blessing.
Looking forward to hearing your updates!
We are a family of adoption. . . we’ve been on a road filled with blessings and many road bumps. Our oldest arrived to our home as a three-year-old through the foster care system. At the time we had also fostered one infant that had been returned to his birth family . We gave him a loving, Christian home for that short time. Our hearts were broken to see him leave. Thirteen years later we still pray for him. He has a special ornament on our Christmas tree that goes front and center and is always hung with tears and prayers. Our daughter arrived as a ward of the state which meant her family ties were permanently severed (due to abuse and neglect). This became an easier adoption process for us but over the years, the early history of abuse, has made some days difficult for our daughter. She’s now a beautiful, smart teen. She has overcome so much and has the prayers and support of so many. Just know that in doing this work we can love and care deeply. Broken children who have come through broken family situations may have a more difficult time accepting, showing, and feeling that love. Reactive Attachment Disorder is real. It’s hard. But, there’s no greater gift than to continue to show Jesus’ unconditional love for us through our love to our children – broken or not. Take the steps to walk this journey. God will guide your way. It may not be easy. But there will be no greater joy than to be in Heaven and to one day meet our children also walking through those gates – and like us, no longer broken by the sin of this world.
Layla and Kevin~ I’ve heard many times that adoptive parents are a special breed!! Welcome to the party! The first blog entry I read at The Lettered Cottage was your adoption update a couple of years ago. I’ve been praying for you ever since. I was lucky enough to take your photography class at The Haven Conference with my husband and we fully enjoyed every second of it. Not only was it informative but the three of you were just precious!
After having four boys, the Lord led us to adopt two girls from Kazakhstan. I had never even heard of the country but God has a way of leading you exactly where He wants you to go. And now we have two beautiful daughters. Life is hard sometimes and wonderful other times. In both circumstances, we thank God for the blessings He added to our family. We see a side of our boys that we would have never seen had we not adopted. A sweet, tender, protective side for their sisters.
If you’d like to, we kept a journal so we could talk to our boys when we were in KZ. Visit if you’d like http://www.callouie.com/~tlouie.
Good luck on your adoption journey. May your journey be short and enjoyable to your child!
Love, Linda
Hey Sweet Layla!
First of all- yay for finding a church home that feels like “home”! We love the Schmidt’s, so glad you have connected there! 🙂
Second- yay for adoption! Will be praying for your journey in the coming months. The options are endless BUT God will show you what is right for YOUR family- and it may look different than everyone else’s!
Since we talked a year and a half ago- we added a foster baby, our J-man- who is now ten months old. An 18 year old young man we are legal guardians of, and FINALLY we have a referral of a baby boy from Congo who we hope to bring home in December. It’s never how I thought my family would be woven together- but the design God has made has blown me away. So much greater and beautiful than I could have pictured.
Excited to see the family that God is going to knit together for y’all!
My husband and I both have always wanted to be foster parents. After having our biological children, we felt God leading us to get licensed. We just wanted to help…to help these children from the hard places, to help a child see that they are lovable, that they deserve a family. Shortly after we got our license, we took in a baby girl. After just two weeks in our home we became her adoptive home, and now are just waiting to finalize, praise God! We know our story is not the norm…foster care and adoption from foster care are never easy. But we knew from the beginning that this is where we were supposed to be, trusting God, and saying yes to His call.
Our baby girl’s story is an easy, joy-filled one. We have a few stories that aren’t quite so easy. But we focus on the good. We focus on the goal…to serve God. It’s exciting and terrifying all at the same time, but we will say yes as long as He asks us to.
I wish you both the best as you make your decisions, and will say a prayer for you as you begin your journey anew! Congratulations, and good luck!!!
My grandmother fostered over 70 children throughout her ‘career’. She adopted the baby of one of her longtimers (when she became an adult). Because of her, there is a family of 4 children, whose lives became a wee bit better. My Grandma was 62 when she adopted this infant. WHEW!!!!!! Now that’s dedication!
My parents fostered as well. I think fostering just provides SO MUCH in a time of immediate need. Please examine this as an alternative.
We adopted our daughter almost 14 years ago. We worked with a facilitator out of CA while living in GA (our daughter was born in OR). A facilitator is different from working with an agency mainly in the manner of getting prospective birthparents. We were in a magazine they send out to various planned parenthood locations, doctor’s offices, etc… Our birthmother actually saw the magazine as she was in the waiting room to get an abortion. A couple of months later and after talking to us and a few other couples she called me to say she wanted us to raise her baby. It was an incredible experience but so hard! We were matched in late August and my daughter was born in mid November. In that time we talked to her B/M on the phone weekly and were kept up to date on all of her medical visits. We have an open adoption although we have not heard from her B/M in the last 12 years. It is nice to know her and be able to share with my daughter things about her B/M.
We worked with Lifetime Adoption. Mardie Caldwell is great! We have had about 10 friends work with them as well and the babies have been born all over the US. That is another difference working with a facilitator – it opens you up to the whole country instead of a local area. Our adoption (from signing up to birth) was 11 months. Some of our friends went much faster and others slower. It is all in what the B/M is looking for in a family.
May God bless you with a child soon. Adoption is a decision you will never regret!
A childhood friend of mine adopted a gorgeous little boy from Africa last year, to add to their family that already included two biological children. She has a great blog that explains their journey to adoption (and since!) that you may find helpful: casselljourneytoafrica.blogspot.com
Good luck to you! Being a mom is a challenging but wonderful experience, no matter how motherhood comes to you.
Blessings to you!! I am not including my bloggy name on here because adoption is not something that I speak of on my blog. I was adopted into the most Godly and loving that could have ever been provided for me. My parents went through the Gladney Center in Texas (they were not from there but it is a great center that they used).
I just wanted to speak to you as an adult that was adopted as an infant. If you adopt domestically please choose in a way that your child will be “protected.” That is one thing that Gladney provides. I do not want to go into too many details and ramble on. Lets just say that the birth mother is less than desirable and Gladney has gone above and beyond to protect me and my family. PTL that the only contact she has been able to make is actually through Gladney and their services. They have a great system in place to protect everyone involved and I can only imagine how horrid things would be for me and my hubby and kiddos if they were not fighting for me.
Whatever you decide – I commend you!!! My hubby and I are in the process of preparing to foster and cannot wait!!!
Blessings on your journey!!
Sj
Hi Layla & Kevin,
I’m not an adoptive mom (or any kind of mom…except to puppies), but I wanted to share the story of our nieces. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law have been foster parents for about 4 years. They’ve had over 25 children in their home in that time (I’ve completely lost count), some for over a year, some for just a few days. Each of those kids has made an impact on our family.
Almost 2 years ago, during family dinner, 2 little girls we dropped off at my sister-in-law’s house for a short visit. Breanna, the big sister, was 7 years old and Brooklyn, the little sister, was only 11 months. Both girls cried for days, missing their mom, who had been in and out of their lives for the last year. Brooklyn wouldn’t let anyone hold her, and Breanna couldn’t sit still without cuddling someone. Unfortunately, this situation isn’t terribly different from any other foster placement my in-laws have dealt with.
My brother- and sister-in-law weren’t looking to adopt. They have 2 biological children, and just wanted to proivde a safe, loving home to kids who need it on their journey. But, Bre & Brook touched their hearts and quickly became a part of our family. Last week, we found out that they will be adopted into our family, so they will “officially” become our nieces. As far as we’re concerned, they’ve been members of the family since that family dinner 2 years ago. But it’s really nice to know they’ll always have a safe home and a big loving family.
My point in this long, rambling story is that love tends to find you. This is true for children, spouses & friends. It happens sometimes when you least expect it, and often when you aren’t looking for it. Wherever you decide to adopt from, the child will be blessed to have you both as parents!
Best wishes to you both! I can’t wait to read about your journey!!
We are parents to two grown sons. We are in our upper forties. We are (as of last week) officially registered with CARA, the agency that oversees adoptions in India. We’ve always know that we would like to have another child or children but the years flew by and before we knew it, we found ourselves closer to fifty and ready to commit. Kind of like a now or never feeling. We have supported an organization that cares for orphans in India for several years so when we decided to jump in with our eyes wide open, India was the logical choice. Our home study is written for one, up to two female siblings ages 2-6. I have no idea how long our process will take (estimates are around 18 months) but we are excited to bring home our daughter or daughters. Our hearts are already full of love for someone we’ve never met!
We just knew we had a daughter in China. The fact that adoption caught our hearts was surprising. We already had 3 biological children and felt “done”. But both of us felt strongly that there was someone else who should come to our family and that it should be through adoption. We adopted our amazing little girl 6 years ago and brought her brother home from China 18 months ago.
What I do know for sure is that there’s not a “right” way to do things. It just comes down to what feels right for you.
Congratulations on your decision , it is an amazing chocie and will hopefully, ultimately bring you much joy. Although, I am glad you recognize it is a journey, full of unexpected twists, turns including frustration, disappointment and joy.
As a therapist and adoption professional I would urge you to first contact a local adoption professional. And if you have a chocie, I would contact several and interview them to find someone you feel extremely comfortable with. They should be able to guide you through the entire process. Sometimes you can have one professional who will help you explore all three types of adoption-state adoptions through the foster care system, private domestic and private international. This is necessary, because foster care and adoption policies are determined by state code. Thus, although the federal govt has attempted to standardize some international adoption issues, ultimately it is your state law that determines a great deal of the who, what, when, where, why and how of adoption. This is true for all three types of adoption. For example, I work in a bistate area, the two states could not be more dramatically different. Couples who can adopt from one would be unable in another; couples can adopt thru the foster care system from one state within 6months to a year after removal from their parental home, whereas the other state can attempt reunification for up to 14 yrs and one state only recognizes private domestic adoptions that occur within the state. With international and domestic private adoption there are other variables in play- age, health, finances, profession, heritage. It truely can be overwhelming, hence the need for a professional to guide you. But rather than openly focus on all areas, first use your professional to help gather info on the chocies that are available to you and then begin to narrow it down.
No matter what choice you make, you will be saving a life and I know you’ll both make fabulous parents! I can’t wait to follow along for the adventure.
Thank you for sharing Peter’s story. What an amazing person. God Bless you on your road to find your child.
This is so exciting Layla and Kevin! When I entered blogland last summer, I remember reading a few adoption articles you wrote and was sharing the joy of adoption with my college roomate. She was, at this time last year, in the beginning stages of adopting a little boy from China. Well, I am happy to say, after 2 trips to China and alot of leg work, she brought him home early this summer 🙂 The cutest toddler year old who lived in an orphanage. If you are interested in her contact information inbox me at jessica (at) fourgenerationsoneroof (dot) com. She considered many countries and being a world traveller herself and being in the Peace Corp , she is very familiar with this stuff!!! She worked with a phenomenal agency right here in Boston (she lives in NC) and she is a wealth of information. I’m sure she would love to talk/help or whatever you need 🙂 Good luck and looking forward to hearing more about it! PS. My other college roomate also adopted from CT 2 years ago ( the state she lives in) a little boy as well ( from birth) . So if you are interested in US adoption ect. I know she could also help you!
HI Layla and Kevin!
My nextdoor neighbor and his father are lawyers. They specialize in adoptions. In fact they have won awards. They are the nicest people you could ever speak with! They can give you the ins and outs of adoptioning along with pros and cons on where to adopt from! It is a process that can be very complicated! If you would like for me to put you in touch with them…I am more than happy to do so!
GOOOD LUCK!!
Melissa Leedy
Wow today’s topic of adoption really hits home for me. My husband and I have been trying to conceive with fertility treatments for almost two years now. Reading all of these wonderful stories have really opened my eyes and heart on considering adoption. Thank you all so much!
When my husband and I decided to start thinking about a family, we didn’t feel a strong need to have biological kiddos, so we started to think/pray about foster care and adoption. Just last week, we finalized the adoption of our son. He is 18 mths old and has been with us as our foster son since he was one day old. It has been an amazing faith building journey and we can’t wait to do it again! We plan on going back on the foster care “list” in about 6 months. There is too much to say in a comments section, but please feel free to email if you have more specific questions/concerns regarding foster care and adoption through the foster care system.
We have 2 daughters through adoption. They are both from China. As another comment said, there are signs to show you your path. My husband and I were “thinking” about the possibility of adoption. We were guided on our journey initially by an artical in our Church bulliten. It was all about International Adoption in China. Well, that was our sign. The next day we went to a local agency and started our paperwork. Our first daughter was received in China at 11 months old, in 2001. Our second daughter was received in China at 2 years old, in 2007. Our children are what make us complete. You will find your way! Good luck!
Layla and Kevin,
I have been blog stalking you for a long time, while never leaving a comment until now. A year before my husband and I started fostering, I was reading your posts about adoption, praying and waiting to see how God was going to use you two in the life(lives) of his little one(s).
Now, we are in the process of adopting our first foster placement, 4 month old who “needed a mom and a dad.” He was very sick from drug exposure when he was born. He has overcome so much that now he is a healthy and active 15-month boy that has helped create this little family.
In July, we welcomed our second little placement. He is a 3-month cooing and crying machine, and he has made me a busy momma! His future is unknown to us. It has been amazing seeing God work in our hearts as we pray for him and his bio parents during this time of uncertainty. We would love to adopt him if it comes to that, however, it is ultimately out of our hands.
This used to terrify me. The unknown. The decision being out of our hands. Until I realized it never really was in ours to begin with. Any adoption with any country or any agency could go awry at any moment. In fostering you realize from day one “God, you’re in control of this little one’s future.” “You’re also in control of our hearts.” There may be heartache along the way, but there is a sweet feeling knowing the heartache will come by helping “the least of these.”
Fostering isn’t something I grew up with. However, our pastor and his wife have been fostering for the last 7 years and have had over 9 placements. They are now in the process of adopting their third child through the foster care system. It isn’t as pretty as going through an agency. However, I love the fact that they have kissed, prayed, and taken care of babies that needed to be loved and had no where else to go, even if it was for only a little while. Seeing their tears as a child left, God restoring and rejuvenating, and them welcoming another child in, opened our eyes that it was possible. (I also love watching their older children (4-6), who were also in foster care, love on these babies who come and go through their home. I think it teaches them something about compassion, uncertainty, selflessness, and what makes a family. That is my hope for our little guy as well.) Yes, the road would be tough, but we’re not alone. And neither are you!
I love reading all of the comments, all of the different yet beautiful stories. Remember that your story will be different too. It will be the story God has already written for you two. I will continue to pray for wisdom and discernment as you walk this journey of adoption. It seems to always be bumpy, but worth it.
I am a 31 year old who is in youth ministry. I have had a passion for orphans since my 1st mission trip to Brazil in 1998. Since then, I have traveled all over the world giving my time to orphanages and trying to figure out what to do with my passion. My husband and I tried to have our own kids, but our journey to start a family led to 2 years of visiting the fertility specialist and painful procedures. Every time we underwent one of these procedures, the same answer came every time, you can’t have kids. Broken hearted, God brought me back to my passion for orphans. At first, I thought that international adoption was for us. I started researching, and I was discouraged about the time table and all the hoops that we had to go through.
I thought we had hit another dead end, but I started hearing about foster care and the enormous ministy that we had here in our city, Wichita, KS. I made a call and we got involved in respite care. A few months into it, we met a baby girl who needed care. We are not her foster parents, but helped out babysitting her. We knew that her story would eventually get to adoption and we started the process of becoming foster parents. The journey is stressful and frustrating, but we kept the image of this little girl in our minds. Our home was inspected, we were inspected, everything was inspected and we are now foster parents! The little girl we babysit is now up for adoption and we are now awaiting the adoption homestudy and hope to adopt her in the next few months. (Her foster parents, while called to foster, do not want to adopt).
Adoption is hard and scary and can be completely frustrating, but it is also worth every hardship. We have not been “chosen” yet, but God has led us and has opened doors every step of the way. Sometimes when it seems like the door has been slammed shut, God props it back open.
We may still adopt overseas, you never know, but what I do know is that there are hundereds of kids where you live who desperately need a home, who need a family. The process is frustrating, but once you are licensed, the calls don’t stop.
I hope you find clarity and that you follow where God is leading. Adoption and foster care is probably the most rewarding thing we have ever done!
What a wonderful journey you are embarking on!
I have been volunteering with my local crisis pregnancy resource center for about 6 years now and what a wonderful place to find children who need homes. The goal for the preg centers is to save baby’s lives from abortion and bring the parents to Christ. Often times the mothers opt not to abort but can’t parent themselves for whatever reason. Our support team works with the mothers in making an adoption plan and coordinates with a local attorney.
Just “Google” crisis pregnancy centers in Alabama and a list will help you get started. Most centers do not advertise this service as they are not agencies, but will guide you where to go and help you navigate the waters.
May the Lord bless your journey!
Dear Layla and Kevin,
I have enjoyed reading your blog for quite some time but have never left a comment until now. I felt compelled to share a resource with you as you embark on your amazing journey of adoption. A good friend’s daughter and son-in-law adopted their beautiful son from Ethiopia through a non-profit Christian ministry called “Lifesong for Orphans” (www.lifesongfororphans.org). It’s astounding to learn on their website that there are over 143 million orphans worldwide! If you are interested in international adoption I would be happy to share the link to the family’s blog which details their personal experience. Thank you for sharing from your heart. You will be wonderful parents! I look forward to seeing where God leads you on your journey!
I have no magical words of wisdom for you. While researching adoption 5 years ago, I was told repeatedly “you will just know”. How? I wanted concrete answers and logical reasoning. What I learned is that logic and reasoning do not seem to play a big part in the adoption process. You have to completely relinquish control and follow your heart. And we did, and we have a beautiful, amazing, crazy, and wild 3 year old boy from Ethiopia. We would not trade the experience for anything in the world.
We are now talking of adding to our family again, so we are back trying to decide where/how/what/when? And I’m anxious and nauseous and frightened, but in the end an answer will show itself to us, and we will start this roller coaster all over again. Best of luck to you in your journey!
i have asked the same question of someone much older and wiser than myself and was told to search with your heart not your eye, look for the child that no one else will choose, dont get caught up on adopting a baby–they will always be your child, but only a baby for a very, short time.
Layla, My niece Kim ended up unable to have children and she became a foster parent. She now has her own daughter Kailyn. My niece Michelle has adopted a cousin of ours actually, Cayden and has almost finished classes to be a foster single mom to get two other children who she met at her job. She is a youth coordinator. One is a little girl named..Layla and her little brother. She is about four and he is two. She fell in love with them and wants them to have a stable home. The thing that connects all these children and many more is that their parents are drug users. Layla’s mom died of a drug overdose. There are so many of them like them. Yes, its a risk you take being a foster parent and falling in love with the children and then the parents getting them back. With both the adopted children in the family this is what happened, back and forth but the parents can’t stay off of the pills and end up losing their children. My niece Kim has two little girls right now that have come back and forth to her. We adore both of them. They think of us as family. They are used to us thank goodness so their little hearts aren’t broken too much when they come back to us. I say us because we love them so much and at one point we all helped out to care for them. There are so many of them and some are already up for adoption. There was another little girl, about nine who has a small brother also, and all she wants is for someone to adopt her. Michelle had her and Layla for a day and we all hung out together. It was soooo pitiful. her parents were on drugs and they went hungry.Another little girl and boy go to daycare where my niece works and they are from Alabama. Their brother was left in a vehicle i believe and died. The parents were arrested.Their aunt is trying to take care of them but having a hard time of it.. Just the most heartbreaking stories. So what i am telling you all this for is that maybe you should consider something like this. There is so many of them because of the pill addiction its shocking. Little children just wanting someone to love them and be part of a real family. I am sure thee are some right there in your own town with their own heartbreak waiting for someone to come love them. I wish you and Kevin the best and i believe that you will be wonderful parents to which ever child, or children, you bring home and call your own.
What a lovely post and sentiment. I am an adoptive mom of a 1-year old boy, and I wish you as much happiness as we have found on our adoption journey. We went the local, private route. It was primarily because we wanted to be involved in the process–we could put in the time to make connections and share our wishes to adopt with the community, and the right child would find us. We thought just waiting without being able to do anything would be hard for us. We would also be able to meet our child’s birthparents and know from talking to them that placing with us was what they wanted in their hearts. We would then be able to share more with our child about his adoption because we would have been involved in the process. It worked out just right for us, and we couldn’t be happier.
There are no wrong answers here–happy families are grown in all sorts of ways. Best of luck–you are doing the right thing to reach out to others for support.