I read something recently about how every now and then “our journey collides with someone who changes it all”.
It made me think about the past fews years that we’ve been blogging/reading blogs and how, for us, that “someone” has so often been a person on the other side of our computer screen. Someone that we may or may not ever even have the chance to meet in person- but man we wish we could, because reading what they wrote definitely changed our journey for the better.
The following post is a tender one, and we’re hoping to hear from lots of “someone’s” in the comments section today.
We started researching adoption a couple of years ago, and right away, we knew that it was definitely something we wanted to be a part of. My dad was adopted as an infant, and his adoptive parents, my Grandma Evelyn and Grandpa Richard, were….
Gosh.
I don’t even know that I can put into words how much I love and miss them.
I keep a picture of them on my nightstand and I find so much comfort in their smiles every day.
Fast forward to the summer of 2011. We were asked to film a pilot episode for HGTV. It wasn’t something we sought out- they just came a’knockin’, and we felt like we should at least try and give it a whirl. Unsure of what our future held, we put our adoption plans on a temporary hold so that we could figure out what the heck was going to happen with that whole ordeal first.
Long story short, our pilot episode didn’t turn into a TV series this year. Short story even shorter: WHEW! (We are so grateful to have had the opportunity, but we learned real quick that it wouldn’t have been the right fit for us in the long run.)
So here we are. Back to adoption square one.
We’re more eager than ever, but we’re also kind of unsure about where to start (again).
All we know is this:
We want to create a family with a little one, that for one reason or another, needs a mom and dad.
Just like my dad did when he was only 3 months old…
Just like “Firecracker’s” little sister did last week…
Just like Joy’s son Eli did…
Just like Shannan’s daughter Ruby did…
Just like the brothers Mike and Kerri adopted did…
Those folks have inspired us so much, and if our purpose for this life is to Love, and to grow in Love, we look forward to growing in it no matter where it finds us- just like they did.
Love has no boundaries, and neither do our adoption plans. So whether our journey collides with a gift right here at home in Alabama…
…or right here at home in the USA…
…or right here at home, on God’s great Earth…
…we look forward to the opportunity to continue our journey with a little someone who changes it all.
We do have a question for any adoptive or soon-to-be adoptive parents out there, though. How did you decide where to adopt from? There are so many children out there that need families, and we keep feeling led in so many different directions. Doors seem to open and close on us at every turn, which makes the whole process hard to even start. We’d love to hear about your experience if you’re up for sharing it.
PS- Speaking of blog-related journeys and collisions, I just had to include this comment a “someone” named Betsy left on a blog post of ours a while back:
Click the play button below to hear Peter tell his story:
Powerful, powerful stuff…thank you, Betsy. So grateful to have collided with you.
Funky Junk Interiors
We chose to adopt through our local government agency right in our home town. At the time, they placed newborns which was our preference at the time.
7 (very long) years later, after resolving to just get on with life, a ring from the phone signalled a dramatic and exciting life change… we were chosen! 3 months later I was in a delivery room with a beautiful soul ready to relinquish the most precious gift imaginable, making our own dream come true! (We could have adopted much quicker if we had chosen an older child. My own personal preference was newborn)
Our adoption is semi open, meaning, birthmom has contact with us and visa versa. We attempted a relationship with her however it didn’t work out. So we know where each other is and make the odd phone call on occasion to stay in touch.
My son was born 1.5 hours away from our home. Adopting local was a wonderful experience and I’m glad for my son that his birthmom isn’t very far away should he desire to pick things up again when he’s of age.
What would I do today if I were to adopt? I’m not sure. Expense would indeed play a massive part in my choice so I suppose I’d search locally first.
All I know is, there’s a child out there waiting to be placed into your arms. God’s timing is perfect and it’s my belief He’s busy making the perfect selection for you. 🙂
Kristin @ Simply Klassic Home
I’m adoptive mom twice over. You can read my story here: http://www.simplyklassichome.com/p/my-adoption-story_18.html
Adoption isn’t for sissies! (That’s what a lot of adoptive parents say). It’s hard. Plain and simple. But the rewards are multiplied infinity. It’s the hardest and greatest thing I’ve ever done, and ever will do. I chose to go through our local foster care system for a few reasons.
1) Affordability. There is assistance for foster adoptive parents, including medical insurance for the children, until they are 18.
2) Guarantee. With adoption, there are no real guarantees, but with the foster care system, you’ll eventually complete an adoption. Your choices and openness determine how long it can take, but you WILL get a child.
3) History. I knew a family from my church growing up who were foster parents to children with medical issues. They are still fostering, 30 years later, and have adopted two children. I knew early on that foster was the road I wanted to go down.
I know your blessing will come, and maybe not in the ways you’d expect, as you can read in my story. You will be amazing parents! Wishing you all the best!!
Suzanne
Our advice after experiencing adoption and the foster care system would be similar to Kristin’s. Another thing I think we did right was to adopt sibling groups; first adoption 7 mo old boy and 28 mo old girl, full-blooded siblings. This was the age of the children when they came to us for foster care; we completed the adoption about a year later, which, I’ve been told is lightening fast. Second adoption 2 years later; 2 brothers, 3 mo old and 23 mo old. And took about a year for the adoption to be final. I both instances the original plan was for the birth parents to re-gain custody. During that time I met and visited with the birth families many times, gaining an insight into their personalities and challenges. I have stories for my children when they want to hear them.
The oldest in this group of 4 children who came to us through adoption is now 17. She is smart, respectful, delightful. She raises guide dogs through puppyhood until they are ready for their “professional” training at 18-24 months. I think she is willing to bond with this dog and let him go on to someone who really needs him is because of her foster/adoption experience. She plans to go to school to get her vet tech degree and is currently finishing high school and working in a vet clinic.
All 3 of the boys are wonderful. It’s amazing how their personalities reflect those of our birth children. God has such a sense of humor! When these children were placed with us the only things we knew about them were their ages, sex, and first name and that the plan was for re-integration with their birth families.
Our adoption experiences have been like roller coasters; big highs but low, lows. I remember being on the phone with the children’s social working and she was repeating that the children would go back to their birthmother and I was sobbing when I got off the phone. I just couldn’t imagine our family without them. I am so thankful to God that He guided us through this ride. If we would have played it safe we would have missed some of the best people in our lives.
Take a chance on a child! We had a 3 day old infant placed with us who was born with problems due to prenatal drug exposure. We had her for 5 months before she was returned to her birth mother permanently. My heart was literally broken and it still hurts to think of her 12 years later. BUT I know she got a great start in nutrition and security and love. That will always be with her and she is worth it. It was a privilege to be her mother for those 5 months and I still pray for her. My husband was stoic through the experience, but over a year later he heard a country song about a little girl hiding in her room and finally being murdered by her mother, and he cried like a baby.
Most people don’t understand this compulsion to adopt, but that was what it was for us and I believe it was God setting this desire in our hearts for very good reasons. I love each of my 7 children so much that my heart literally hurts just to look at them.
We’ve had our share of challenges with our children. We’ve had to love them through some pretty difficult problems, but providing a safe, secure home and an entire family that loves each of them can be amazingly healing.
We pray that your adoption journey will be beautiful and the Lord Jesus will be sufficient for all of your needs.
<3 Suzanne
Jennifer Allwood
Suzanne my husband and I have 3 bio children and feel called to adopt. After waiting almost 2 years for a newborn, we’ve jumped over to adopting from our foster care system. We will be fully done with training and ready to go next month. It’s so good to hear your good experience with the foster care system….we’ve heard so many bad stories. Thank you for sharing and please say a prayer for our family and the kiddos that the Lord still has yet to give us! Blessings, Jennifer
Julia
My daughters, ages 15 and 12, came home at the respective ages of 10 and 18 months, and both were born in China (I’m also right here in “Bama”, just a little north of y’all.
These are always long stories, but I’ll try and summarize. I came to international adoption simply because I was a wannabe single mom, and adopting a baby in the U.S. was not really an option available to me. I had never considered international adoption till a domestic adoption agency recommended one to me. It was Christmas time, and that agency invited me to a holiday party for their families. I ate dinner with a couple with two children from Korea, but again – not an option – Korea was not open to single parents. But they introduced me to a woman who had just received her referral from China and I was enchanted with everything she had to say about the program. Fast forward the next few months during my “I’m thinking about it” stage, and I started seeing Chinese babies with caucasian parents everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE! Like, weird, fluky kind of stuff. I couldn’t walk by a park or go to church without having it happen.
I was telling my mom about it while we were on our way to lunch one day. We sat down at the table and were chatting about options, when in walks a single white mom with her mom and adorable Chinese daughter. We must have stared at them all during lunch, and afterwards I was paying the bill and overheard my mom go over to them, introduce herself and in the most delightful manner possible said “We’re getting one of those”. It sounds so crass, but she was so incredibly sweet about it, no one took offense. The other mom and I became good friends while I started my paperwork, and 18 months later, I welcomed my first daughter home. 🙂
So my advice – look for the signs, they’re there. You just have to take the time to notice them.
Brandi
I feel like I could write a book. It boils down to, God had a plan bigger than ours. We have three biological daughters. When we approached domestic adoption doors closed around us. We considered adopting from Uganda and again, doors closed. We were searching. Long story short, in an intense discussion about where God was leading us I said, “I just wish that I had a very clear answer. Where is the child that needs me?” We decided to pray for that clarity. The next morning I got a phone call from an agency in my home state that I had never heard of before. The agency saw that I had looked at a couple of kids on the rainbow kids website. He told me he had boys on his waiting list. He told me how many boys actually wait in China and asked if we would consider one. That started another very long journey and was the beginning of the answer to a prayer. You can read about the start http://www.stifffamily.com/2010/03/02/ready-set-go/. Looking back that post was nuts, just how I felt at the time. I can barely understand it. Wishing you many blessings on your journey. Praying for you.
Tiffany
Our youngest child came to our family through adoption. She was born in Guatemala. In some ways, our process was easy. In other ways, it was heart breaking. Our first child who was referred to us passed away from sids. Heart breaking loss, again for we had already experienced other pregnancy and infant losses. We didn’t have any idea that it would happen in the adoption process too.
BUT, we did bring home a child – our daughter! Our process with her went smoothly and quickly too. There is a child at the end of the process. It is all soooo worth it!
Prayers are with you as you start the process again. God has your child chosen for you and you chosen as parents for him or her. He will knit your family together in His way and in His time. It’s an amazing, amazing thing to be part of.
tamera
which adoption agency did your family use?
Shawna
We adopted our son just over 5 years ago and it was quite the experience. The agency (based out of Minneapolis) typically places newborns, and at the time we were looking forward to being matched with a birthmom and experiencing the hospital experience with her. As we all know, things do not always go as planned, and when our call came, it was for a 7.5 month old. After some quick thoughts, we decided we were okay with his age and adopted an amazing little boy. We have been waiting to adopt #2 for 2.5 years now and there is no easy way to say it – the wait is hard. I actually just wrote about the wait on my blog a few days ago: (http://momsgonnasnap.blogspot.com/2012/09/still-waiting-to-adopt.html)
Why did we choose to adopt locally? Honestly, we really explored both international and domestic adoption. In the end, the idea of welcoming a newborn while also giving a baby a new life of opportunity was the choice for us. His adoption is open, but we have had very little contact from his birthfamily. We send photos and letters a few times a year, as well as framed picture ornaments at Christmas time. He is a blessing and we are so thankful for adoption to allow us to build our family.
Some of our friends have worked through the county/state system to adopt and the experience was great (and much less expensive) for them. The idea of foster to adopt was a little tricky for us, but certainly something we would consider if the right situation came along.
There are pros and cons with all of the routes to adoption. I wish you peace as you consider your options and move forward. It truly is an amazing experience.
Kristin S
Layla and Kevin,
I KNOW you will be blessed and learn so much from dear ones who comment on this heartfelt post.
From my perspective, I didn’t know plans had gone on hold, I just assumed you weren’t sharing. Which is totally your perrogative.
Along the way since you first mentioned adoption, I’ve prayed for you two. Prayed for God’s wisdom as He grows and forms your family. He knows. He knows best and He knows His plan.
I don’t have children though I have dreamed of being a mom for the last 29 years. God knows. He cares.
Some dear friends of mine in SC are smack in the middle of adopting a darling sibling set. Lord-willing things will be finalized soon.
Anyway, I thought you might like to read some of their journey.
http://joelandkitty.com/category/adoption-infertility/ – this link goes to their infertility/adoption posts – not a specific post
aja
Awesome news!
We are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. Our choice came about over time. We had begun researching adoption a couple of years ago. We looked at foster care and domestic adoption as well. By coming into contact with certain agencies paired with other factors such as how long we have been married, we kept coming back to Ethiopia. The more we researched and learned, the more we fell in love with this country.
Best wishes to you on your exciting journey!!!
PAppel
Short version: Foster mom to two sisters (ages 3 yrs and 3 months). No plans to adopt but parents disappeared for over a year. When approached by social worker as to whether long-term foster care, legal guardianship or adoption, chose adoption because we had fallen in love with them. They are awesome girls.
Best of luck to you.
Qwendykay
I have to ditto whoever said Adoption is not for sissies!! It’s like you take your heart out of your chest and give it to the agency and say, “Okay, here you go, give it back when your done with a child please.”
We searched the world over for our children, and we signed up with agencies and felt like we were “so close” to having that missing child come into our lives only to realize it was not to be so.
Your heart knows…. you just have to listen to it and ask everyone for a referral to a good agency. Here is what I want to say, “Do not be afraid of the birthmom relationship.” It feels so odd in the beginning, meeting someone and knowing they are biologically connected to your child, something that you are not. Birthmothers are angels on the earth… they are the most unselfish of all the humans on the planet. Every night I give thanks for the birthmothers of my children, who gave me the ultimate gift of motherhood.
I’m sure you know this… but flesh and DNA is such an earthly concept. You will meet your little one and when they look up at you, your souls will recognize each other. When my daughter was placed in my arms, I felt like that missing piece of my heart was found.
On my blog, I talk about adoption a little bit, mostly in my annual birthday letters to my kids.
For you and Kev, I will pray for you, because I trust in God that he will led you to your child.
Carrie ~ The Corson Cottage
While I don’t have any great words of wisdom or advice to share I feel compelled to still leave my comment. You are most certainly right about how life brings people in & out of our lives for a reason. I’ve been blogging for a couple years now. I am an avid reader of your blog & love every bit of your style. It is sometimes surreal how just when I need it most….you are writing about it & sharing a story that always seems to coincide with what life is throwing our direction. No matter what the topic. My husband & I have been trying on our own for several years now. My heart is beginning to open to the idea of adoption. We have not made any definite plans yet. We are just beginning to look into our options. I’ve been looking locally at foster/adoption options. It seems to be the most affordable choice. Although I would love nothing more than to have a newborn baby someday. I really just wanted to thank you for sharing your stories…all of them, even the more personal ones that pull at your heart strings. I feel blessed to have crossed your path. Even if it is only through the web. Wishing you all the luck & patience on your new journey.
Shari A.
Our road to adoption was a long one, and ultimately we didn’t make the decision about when/where/how we would adopt. God simply brought the right child to our family at the right time. Here are two links to the first part of our adoption story:
http://theallensnewhome.blogspot.com/2009/03/third-day-on-3rd-day-of-3rd-month-our.html?m=0
http://theallensnewhome.blogspot.com/2009/08/cda-call.html?m=0
And another to our “happy ending”:
http://www.theallensnewhome.blogspot.com/2009/09/anslies-story.html?m=1
God knows your child and he has a plan for your family!
Myna Copeland
I have no adoptive children, but my nephew and his wife adopted two children from Rwanda last year. They have two biological children and then they felt the Lord leading them to adopt. These precious children got one meal a day at the orphanage. The little girl was 5 years old and the little boy was about 2 1/2. The exact date of their births is unknown. It has been an adjustment, especially with a language barrier with the oldest child, but they are dealing with it. God will open a door for that special child for you, no matter if it is in the US or around the world.
michaela
So, so exciting. It’s wonderful to hear parts of your story! One of my best friends is going through the adoption process and they are adopting from Ethiopia (hopefully two boys, to come home to join their two biological children and make a family of 6!) I’ve seen her frustrations and joys through the process, but mostly, I’ve seen her heart and her love for a child that she doesn’t even know yet. I’ve seen how adoption is such a strong parallel with God’s redemption and heart for His children. She’s only written a few posts so far, but this is her blog: http://neesfamily.blogspot.com
Hopefully it can be an encouragement to you along your journey! xoxo
Michaela
Melanie
My husband and I are in the process of completing the extensive and invasive paperwork to adopt and while the process isn’t easy, I greatly look forward to the day we get to bring home a child of our own. We’re choosing to adopt domestically, and hopefully locally. I think it’s a decision every single parent or couple have to make on their own. We like that with domestic adoption there’s the possibility that we can be there to see our child the day he or she is born, which is fairly common for the agency we’re using. I also fully admit that the process is trying and daunting and I think all the added steps that are required for international adoptions would add a lot of stress for me in an already stressful situation.
Thanks for being open about your experience and I wish you the very best of luck in your journey.
Jen
Congrats! Making the decision to adopt at all is a huge step – and one you will never, ever regret. Where to find your child is a big question – you literally have the entire world to choose from. But here’s the thing: EVERYWHERE there is need. HUGE need. You CANNOT choose the wrong place. Pray. Talk. Pray and talk some more. Follow those nudges on your heart. Take a leap and head in the direction you feel called to. If it isn’t right, God will close that door and redirect you. Once, we had a son for three days – domestic, Caucasian. His adoption fell through, but got us committed to adoption and off the fence. Three times we began the process for China. Three times, my husband lost his job and we were forced to wait and start over – frustrating, but it served a purpose in clarifying our vision and strengthening our commitment to adopt. The fourth time, we decided we’d pursue our second choice – domestic, African-American (we are Caucasian). That was August; on March 8, our daughter came home. Four years later, we did it again. That’s not to say it wasn’t rough and there weren’t bumps (but those happen with bio kids, too). But it was a fantastic journey that I’m so very glad we got to be a part of. It was a much better plan than our original hopes of biological, planned kids, evenly spaced and well planned for. Even in the disappointments, we met such wonderful people and learned some amazing lessons. A quick synopsis of our adoption journey is here: http://twelvehats.blogspot.com/search/label/adoption. Feel free to drop a line, ask a question, whatever. Will enjoy seeing your journey unfold!
Kim from 3 peanuts
Hi Layla! I have been here since the beginning with you. I also did not know your adoption plans went on hold. We have three children and our youngest angel is adopted form China. Our older boys are biological. I can tell you that our daughter Kate was sent to us form God. I cannot imagine a more perfect fit for you family. The wait was interminable and emotional, the adjustment was tough but oh my…she completes our family. She is my heart and soul. Adoption IS hard but it is SO worth it. I don’t mean to sugar coat it but I think the difficult things in life are often the most meaningful things.
I will pray that the Lord will led you both to the right adoption situation for your family. It is almost impossible to adopt a completely healthy child from China now the wait is like 8 years. But there are lots of special needs children available who need homes there. Many times the special need is very small and correctable. I wish you the best.
Kim
Kim from 3 peanuts
OOPS…so embarrassed…Please excuse my typos….I meant she was a perfect fit for “our” family. I am laughing to myself cause it sound like I am trying to tell you my daughter is perfect for your family and I was not.
You will find the perfect fit for your family….just pray about it.
michelle
Whew, made me cry. My cousin is in the process of raising m money for their adoption costs, and our good friends were adopted and their family always accepted us with open arms. My husband and I want to adopt, but I am physically unable to care for another baby, but we were blessed in between surgeries with a wonderful son. I will be praying that that special someone will come along in God’s time and is blessed to call you mom and dad.
Tracey
My sister and her husband are foster parents here in MN. They adopted one little boy who was about 2 yrs old. Then they had two little brothers who REFUSED to leave so they adopted them too. They are now 16, 12, and 13. I love that my family grows through adoption. It’s so AWESOME!
marisa
like others commenting here, our journey to adoption was long and hard; but in the end, God’s plan was sovereign. God’s plan is bigger, better and sees the past and the future and puts it all together in a better way than you can ever imagine. we adopted our son 14 months ago, through the foster care system. we talked about adoption for a few months, and we read a book that i would recommend: “Adopted for Life”, by Russell D. Moore. We decided to say yes to adoption, and a week later, our son was born. (and we are hoping to add siblings through adoption, as well!) i am hopeful for your family!! thanks for sharing!!
Annette
Hey guys! I’m so glad that you’re going to become a part of someone’s adoption story. My husband and I have six children. We adopted four and then God laughed and we had two biological girls. Two of our adopted children were at birth and two as older children. One was a private adoption and three were through the foster care system.
If I had one piece of advise I could give you it would be to seek out an agency that covers a lot, but they don’t have to be big. We worked with our local Catholic Charities for all four adoptions. For a small agency they gave us all sorts of options, but ultimately it was God who decided who we were supposed to have. Two weeks after our homestudy (and we thought we were going to adopt through the foster system) our caseworker called and said they had a baby girl without a home. She would be a private adoption. How could we say no? Six months later we were chosen by a foster caseworker to pick up a baby boy born the previous day. The story gets more interesting with the next two.
Feel free to look me up if you want to talk. I have a mom’s adoptive group that gets together once a month for dinner. Come to Erie, PA and eat with us! Anyone is welcome!
Allyson
Hi,
I don’t have a blog…just an avid blog reader/stalker! LOL
We chose adoption after an illness stopped us from getting pregnant. Adoption is a beautiful, difficult, trying, and incredibly rewarding option. We heard about an agency in our state, used by some friends of friends. We really prayed about where to go…ultimately taking the first step by going to an information meeting. I cried the whole way through the meeting! That was it…we were in! This agency places children in two-parent, Christian homes. Most importantly the agency ministers to women and girls throughout the process- regardless of whether they place the baby with a couple or not. At that meeting- it just felt right. Through prayer, we felt led….and once there…we felt the answer. God bless you on this journey- just remember that God knows your baby- He’s preparing you, the child, and everyone involved for this union to happen. God delivers on his promises! Pray BIG!
Amy
For us, we decided to adopt when the earthquake in Haiti happened. I had been thinking about it before then but that’s when my husband got on board. So initially, we were thinking international but then our church started a new initiative and part of it was so that no orphans existed in our county. After that, we felt a deep urge to make a local difference. We are approved but still waiting as of now. The Lord will lead you to the right place, I’m sure of it.
Bethany @ 3SonsPlus1...and...
Adoption is such a miracle! But like most people have already said, it can be SO HARD! We adopted in Guatemala because I love Spanish and used to be a high school Spanish teacher; plus, it was going to be quick…um, not quite. Nearly two years later, and after 3 months living in Guate, we were finally on our way home. Our daughter is so worth it! Adoption is an absolute miracle!
This time around, we are adopting domestically, working with a local attorney. I just can’t bear to be separated from my kids for the 2-8 weeks required in international adoptions. So now we wait for another precious miracle here in the US.
Wishing you guys the very best as you move forward on this wonderful journey. God will tug your heart strings in just the right direction. I’m so excited for you!!!! =)
I’ve written about our adoption process on my blog if you want to read details:
http:3sonsplus1.blogspot.com
Mallory
I have been reading for quite a long time and had just been thinking that I wondered where you were in the adoption process these days. I have been praying for your journey. Adoption has been on my heart since I was a young girl, and thankfully my husbands as well. We are still waiting on God’s timing, but we were so excited because after years of praying we got our first check towards our adoption fund. It felt so wonderful. I am praying for you all as you figure out which route you want to take. It’s funny, we started off thinking China would be where our child would be from, but then God lead us to Ethiopia. As time has gone on we have found ourselves so open to any child…HIV, special needs, we know God has the child in mind for us just as He does for you. It is so hard to “choose” a place because there are so many children needing homes, but I believe you’ll be lead to the right place for you! So excited for you both!
Flower Patch Farmgirl
So in love with this. I’m proud of you for sharing your heart in this way. As you know, I have never doubted your future – never, ever. I can’t wait to see it all come full circle. xoxo
Kelly
Last year my boyfriend and I traveled throughout SE Asia for a few months and volunteered at a community orphanage in The Philippines. The church my boyfriend’s parents belong to near San Francisco had donated money to the community to repair a creek retaining wall that had been washed away in a flood, destroying their community. I remember holding one of the babies (who crave being held BTW) and tears came to my eyes. I knew that one day I would be back to adopt one of them. Here is the link to my post about our visit there. http://nellyandkellyseetheworld.blogspot.com/2011/05/philippines-part-2.html
If you have any interest in adopting from SE Asia, please look into this orphanage. The children are so well taken care and it is such a heartwarming and beautiful place. Here is the link to the birthing center/orphanage on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/helpintlmin
Tiffany A. Nelson
Good Luck Luck Luck!!!
krista f
Both our boys are from Florida 😉 We live in the midwest…we decided to go the domestic route simply bc we have been praying for the ending of abortion in our nation for a long time and felt like this was a tiny way we could put those prayers to action. Two years ago when we finished our homestudy, we hired a consultant (which i highly recommend) who gets calls from all over the US…and one week later we were matched…and 2 weeks later our son was born!! Then 7 months later his birth mom told us she was pregnant again…and we got to adopt that baby too!! Woohoo! We are gearing up for our next one as soon as we move. Seriously, adoption is AMAZING and God provided every penny- we had no savings whatsoever- and we are debt free after two adoptions in two years. Crazy cool stories!!
I wrote a little about our adoptions on my blog: kristajoyfarrell.wordpress.com under the adoption category if you ever feel like reading. We have an awesome birth mom with an open adoption but since we don’t live close we don’t do visits…except when our 2nd was born of course 🙂
I’ll be praying for you guys- that you’ll see a clear path for what’s right for you guys!! So exciting!!!
ps. LOVE your blog and I’ve never commented. Just a mystery reader. ha
Julie
The first time I adopted, I chose to do foster-adoption through the US Foster Care System. I was single at the time. I had a lot of single friends who had chosen to parent. I wondered if adoption was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. But, mostly, I didn’t see a young, single woman facing an unplanned pregnancy choosing a young, single woman to parent her child. And, I thought I could make a difference in a child’s life. I was very naive. I had said I would take children up to the age of 7. Both children I took into my home were 7. The first child, a legal risk adoption (her father’s parental rights had not been terminated) was reunified with her father after being in my home for 18 months. I adopted the second child. She has fetal alcohol syndrome, severe and persistent mental illness and, as an adult, has become addicted. I have learned that children that enter your home through adoption are wounded. I simply couldn’t parent or love away brain damage, a family history of mental illness and years of abuse and neglect. But, I will tell you… I love that girl still. She is courageous, exasperating, loving, tender and prone to bad behavior all in one. She is my life’s best teacher and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Then, I adopted from Haiti. As much as I love my oldest daughter, I don’t want to transition another young person with FASD to adulthood. It is a difficult process with little services. It drains me and I am not yet 50. I couldn’t even imagine facing that in my 60’s. So, we chose a country with a low incidence of fetal alcohol syndrome. I chose Haiti because, at the time (pre-Earthquake), Haiti was NOT a sending country. There was no need to make the children of Haiti into a commodity. I chose an agency that worked with NewLife Link because the director of that orphanage has been doing adoptions for a long, long time. He believes in openness in adoption. We were able to meet our kids moms and find out why they were placing them. Their pictures hang in my children’s room. I know what they dream of for their children.
And, God led me to my kids…
gina
My mom was adopted. My grandparents were angels! I have known you through your blog for a year and a half. When you mentioned you would be a part of Compassion, my first thought was BABY! I couldn’t imagine Layla holding a baby in a Peruvian orphanage and being able to leave without one! I replied on Julie’s comment because I agree with her account that there could be very large challenges with some foster care adoptions and some special needs children from other countries compared to just an economic need or a healthy teenage unwanted pregnancy. All children are worthy of a good home and I have no doubt you will give any baby a very good home. But, you have to decide if you are ready to take on the heroism needed in some cases, sometimes unforeseen. I know God will lead you in the right direction. Local churches do have networks with the foster care system. Private adoption is also available and there may even be a reader who knows of a mother who has chosen to find adoptive parents for her unborn baby. Your blog can reach so many. It may be a tool for finding your child. If someone is pregnant and they choose you to adopt, I think social services or an attorney could provide help. I used to work in a hospital and a nurse had no trouble adopting a newborn from a teenager who was giving up there baby for adoption. You blog is an excellent resource. I would also volunteer at an agency that provides help to teenage moms as a way to network and get a feel for the way the system works.
Jennifer
I am not an adoptive parent and I guess in some ways I was adopted….by my stepfather. Completely different I know, however, he took me as his own. He was the first man I ever loved and loved my mom so much that I knew what to look for when choosing my own husband. I am so excited for you all to share your heart and soul with a wee one. You will be in my prayers as God leads you to and thru the journey he has planned!
Lori
We’ve enjoyed foster care and adoption through foster care immensely. It’s not nearly as glamorous or “hollywood” as adoption from overseas, but there is a huge need for these little ones, right here under our noses! Blessings from Him throughout your Journey – because He already knows the plans that He has for you….
Sarah
We adopted our two children domestically through American Adoptions, Inc. We chose to adopt domestically because we preferred a newborn. American was great to work with and they do lots of adoptions each year (they have lots of info website). We live in the midwest and initially pursued adopting locally, but we do not live in an adoption friendly state and would have had to wait years. All this being said adoption is not for the faint of heart!! Keep us posted!!
Becky Burk
Yea for adoption!!! We adopted our son (now 4) from Ethiopia in 2008 and are hopefully going to finalize the adoption of our daughter (15 months) through domestic foster care this month. My husband and I felt very strongly that adoption would be how we grew our family and at first we didn’t know which avenue to pursue. I have always felt drawn to Africa and when we learned of an adoption agency that operated out of Ethiopia we couldn’t fill out the paperwork fast enough 🙂 Our experience was very positive and I actually went back to ET the next year to teach a a vet school there for a month. When our son was 3 we were ready to pursue the adoption of our second child, but since our first adoption, the wait time was significantly longer and the cost was about 10K more so we decided to try “foster to adopt” (which is FREE). Again we were blessed and were placed with a 3 month old baby girl. We have had her for a year now and should have her adopted this month. Both experiences were very much the same as far as paperwork is concerned but obviously with foster to adopt we were able to get her really quickly. I love talking about adoption and would love to answer any questions you may have. We hope to adopt again in a few years. We have a blended inter-racial and international family and it ROCKS!
Sheri
What an exciting journey for you two. I’ll look forward to hearing the things you share as you move forward, and will be keeping you in my prayers!
Vanessa
I’m going to try and get through this without shedding tears….reading this makes me feel like I’m back in that conference room with you Layla after the photo session at Haven. 🙂 It was so wonderful talking with you and hearing from your heart and sharing from my own! There are so many different roads you could choose to go down that I know ii feels completely overwhelming, huh? For us, it was about wanting to have the experience of having a newborn even if it was only one time. I think that is a pivotal decision and narrows down options quickly. Our choice led to domestic adoption and the beautiful journey we went on to adopt our precious boy (who’s now 9). The complex, bittersweet relationship that occurs between adoptive parents and birth parents is impossible to put into words, but we have used it as an opportunity to speak the truth of God’s love into their lives every chance we’ve had. We were amazed that we were then able to adopt another infant a few years later (our sweet girl) and feel beyond blessed to be their parents. I told you that day in Atlanta that people will tell you that children are a gift from God and that is true…but when you are literally GIFTED your children it takes on an entirely different meaning! 🙂 We always just prayed that God would make things very clear to us, and even though sometimes we were in the “fog” right down to the last minute, He always made it so evident that His hand was guiding the process all long. I will be praying that this will be true for you and that you will march down this adoption road with confidence in the ONE who knows exactly how your family will grow and which precious child will be blessed to call you mommy and daddy!
Vanessa
Blessed & Broken
So happy to hear this. We adopted from foster care…twice in a year! I highly recommend foster care as a route and my heart has grown tremendously through this process towards older child adoption. Meanwhile, I am trying to help waiting kids (being fostered by a friend) find a forever family. Composing a blog now!
Kelley
We are currently in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. I have had a heart for the fatherless for many years but it took my husband a while to come around (we have two biological sons, ages 14 and 19). After years of bringing it up and his sharing that he didn’t have the same conviction(s), I decided that I must do SOMETHING, even though, obviously, I couldn’t adopt without him (and that was okay). In the midst of all of this, God began to pierce my heart for the people of Africa. I even said to him once, rather randomly, “I hear Africa calling…do you?”. Through a series of really random acquaintances and meetings, people who were adopting, had adopted or who were doing some sort of ministry in Ethiopia kept crossing my path. In July of 2011, my sister and I went on a 10-day trip with the organization, Ordinary Hero, to Ethiopia and were completely wrecked and changed there. In the meantime, God had been working on my husband’s heart and he was ready to proceed with adoption. We are currently waiting (not-so-patiently) for the referral of a daughter.
Deb Owen
We have 3 beautiful daughters all adopted from China. Our adoption journey took many different twists and turns. By chance we ran across an article in the Business section about a new company that had just opened that specialized in adoptions from China only. In 1996 China was wide open to adoption and the process was not extremely intimidating. It was completely on a wing and a prayer that we handed over fees, and scrambled madly around to gather lots of documents and sent them off with an agency who had no track record…yet. I had never felt so at peace with a decision. We were in their 2nd group ever to travel. Everything happened with absolute blind faith, that God would provide, that the agency would be honest and do their part, that our travel to China would be a safe journey. And it was, and we returned 2 more times even through the changes in the process and longer wait times. Adoption is such a huge blessing, for everyone, but most of the time I think so little about my girls being adopted. They are just MY girls! God’s blessing on you all as you continue on your journey! I’ll be praying for you and eagerly looking forward to the referral photos and all the other news when you decide you are ready to share!
Melissa Cable
How exciting. I am walking through with many friends on the same road as you, and used to be an adoption social worker at Bethany Christian Services. Here are my thoughts, but honestly truly, all your pro, con, $ lists, can be thrown out the window because God can call you to any option out there.
1) Domestic Adoption through the state- This is the foster/adopt thing. It is the cheapest route, and there is much need. But this can be the longest most emotional road as kids/babies can come and go. They give the parents whose kids are taken away a lot of chances to get them back. So they may be with you for a year and then go back to their parents. And kids in this option obviously have had a rough road of neglect/drug use, etc.
2)Domestic adoption- newborn. This is the option where a pregnant woman chooses you as their adoptive family. This can be done through a private agency like Bethany (my role) or through and attorney that can be a bit pricier and less hand holding for the pregnant girl. There is a wait, could be long could be short, it all depends when a girl “chooses” you. It could happen 2 weeks after your paper work is in or 2 years. And there is the heartache of a birthmom choosing you but then changing her mind upon birth, which definitely happens, but if you have a good agency they can shield you from a lot of that. I made a lot of last minute calls, never telling them they were chosen because it was touch and go, but hey come get your newborn baby. There is high demand for Caucasian newborns and not as many women placing, so you will possibly wait, and it is more expensive.
3) International adoption- This is what my last work was till I had my kids. Huge need, lots of paperwork and waiting, but it is guaranteed. These children are in orphanages and there is no changing of minds or in an out of your home. That emotional waiting game is not as gut wrenching as the above can. But the frustrations in working with other govts, the amount of paperwork, the traveling, and the expense can be just as difficult. And particurly with older children, you will deal with similar emotional and transitional issues as state domestic adoptions. The younger most likely the less issues at home. Jen Hatmaker has an excellent article on this. But the need is so so heavy internationally. And if you have a certain age or gender in mind or on your heart, that can help you steer towards a certain country. People like China and Guatemala because the children are younger.
Ok so that was a lot, probably what you could have found in any old adopting for dummies book. In incredible calling! Hard, but incredible!
Vanessa@Decor Happy
Congrats on the journey you are about to begin! Our daughter who is now 10 was adopted as a baby from Georgia, USA. We were living in Vancouver, BC at the time (now in Toronto) and there was a really active group called ACAN (African-Canadian Adoption Network) where many of the parents were using an agency in Georgia and adopting African-American babies as the process was fairly quick at the time. It really didn’t matter to us where our baby was born – we just wanted a family. Wishing you a happy journey!
Kelly S
My husband and I have adopted three children from three different countries–Ukraine, China, and Guatemala. There were various reasons why we chose to adopt from each particular country, but we made the choice to adopt internationally because we felt that it was more “final” than a domestic adoption. Over the years we have met other families that have adopted children in all kinds of circumstances. My advice is to research each option and then make your decision based on what feels right for you.
My biggest piece of advice to you is to make sure, no matter what adoption route you choose, that you have someone outside your family that can represent you during the adoption process, such as an adoption agency or attorney. Any adoption process requires tons of paperwork, dealings with state, federal, and/or international governments, and negotiation. Adoption is an extremely emotional process and you want to be able to make informed decisions, which can be difficult when you are waiting for your child.
I know that in other posts people have told you that God will lead you in the right direction during your adoption journey. Many people told me this too as we were beginning our first adoption. Believe it.
Here is a link to our older son’s adoption video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrTg_TAdRSg
Good luck!
Anita
We felt lead to adopt domestically, at least for our first child (ended up being childREN). We did a lot of researching local agencies, looking for one that really, really helped birthmothers (didn’t just ‘take’ their baby and leave the birthparent behind with no support system). We found one that valued birth moms, and even better, as a Christian agency, showed them the love of Christ. After that, it all went very, very fast. We were willing to adopt a child of any race, which is not all the common. The wait time is very short, if you are not looking for a specific gender or race. In 2.5 years we’ve adopted three incredible newborns–one hispanic/ African American, one caucasian/hispanic, and one African American. We love them all to pieces, even though life is insanely busy with three under three!
Anyhow, my advice would be to pray about it all, and never move ahead with anything unless both you and your husband are in FULL agreement and at peace with the decision. When the baby/babies come and life gets a little insane, you can’t look at your spouse and say/ have them say “This was a bad idea, I told you so!” 🙂
That’s my two cents! We think adoption is awesome, and an incredible blessing!!!
Amy
I’m a single mom and I adopted my daughter from China’s special needs program. As a single woman, my options were limited. I knew people who had adopted from China and I met all of their requirements, so I went with that program.
Don’t be afraid of the special needs label. In China something as simple as a birthmark can result in a special needs designation. There are many very minor needs represented in these children. My daughter’s need is very minor and only requires monitoring by a doctor once a year. No one outside of my immediate family even knows she has this condition and it doesn’t affect her life in any way.
She is a total blessing and I wish I could adopt again! Maybe someday I will. Good luck with your decision!
Emjay
We are currently in the process of being approved to become a foster family. My dad was a foster child, and we’ve always felt the pull to foster. We are unsure if that will eventually lead to adoption and are on board with the idea of reuniting birth families if that is what is right for the child (it worked in my dad’s family), even though we know it can be heartbreaking.
I’ve talked with many families that adopted in many different manners, some domestic and some abroad. The only harsh story I’ve heard came from a birth mom that chose open adoption (due to her age) and the adoptive parents eventually cut off contact. Every other story was full of heartbreak at times, but eventual bliss. I don’t think there is a wrong choice. Research and listen to your heart.
Jen
We adopted our son from Russia. I teach fourth grade and that year I year I had an internationally adopted student from China. It never crossed our mind to adopt internationally until we met her, but once we met her we just knew.
We looked into a few countries and just knew. My father inlay had just died and we decided we were going to do what made us happy- having NO CLUE HOW we would pay for it. The biggest sign before we met our son that it was meant to be was when my father in-laws life insurance was $25k more than my other inlay thought it should be AND he had 200,000 miles and Marriot points. What a wonderful, bittersweet surprise. Our son was born the Summer he died. You can read about our journey here:
http://russianbabyadventure.blogspot.com/
We are now trying to adopt domestic. we are waiting and waiting fmor someone to choose us. Unfortunately this time it is about money. I don’t think people understand hoe expensive adoption is. Keep your fingers crossed we are picked soon!
Rebekah
We adopted our first child through AGCI Ethiopia- and decided to go that route after seeing the statistics about Ethiopia and the need for adoption. We went the infant route because we are young and felt that was what God had for us.
Now we are considering domestic adoption for our next child. The reasons are many: cost (our first adoption was expensive but God provided!), less time (our 1st adoption took 2+ years), and the possibility of knowing more information about the birth family. Although we know a tiny bit about our son’s history, we ache to have been able to sit down and talk to his birth mama and to know more about his heritage.
Ultimately, go with what is tugging your heart the most. There isn’t a right or wrong path; adoption is needed EVERYWHERE and you can justify any country/program! Go with what makes your heart stir and what gives you hope!
Jen
And here is us now. http://www.facebook.com/pages/Erik-and-Jen-A-Loving-Family-Hoping-to-Adopt-Please-Pass-Along/256834024360642?ref=hl
God bless you on your journey. It’s not an easy one, but I wouldn’t go back and do it any other way. Families are created biologically and spiritually.
Honestly we adopted internationally the first time because I wanted to be the only mom. I flet comfort in knowing his birthmother was so far away. Now that I realize how much he’s mine, Ive done research onour son’s birthmothr for him. Open relationships with a birthmother (which most domestic adoptions require) are scary, but i know understand that Jo matter what we will be mom and dad….even if we send pictures and letters. Now that I’m on the other side, I’ve tried to send pictures to Russia. 🙂 she gave us such a gift- I will forever be grateful.
If you have any questions, feelmfree to write. Best of luck on your journey. Have faith. It will happen.
I leave you with one last lnk:
http://www.graduallytogod.com/Blog.html?entry=this-is-a-story-about7
dena
i adopted almost 9 years ago….from guatemala – i had originally thought i would adopt from china but they are very strict on single people adopting – my social worker pushed hard for russia but i did a lot of research and there is a lot of fetal alcohol syndrome and that isn’t the case in guatemala – annie was in foster care vs an orphanage and travel wasn’t that far (i went 3 times) all adoption is hard no matter what – i had 2 other adoptions fall through – but the benefits are amazing and blessings abundant – guatemala is up and down these days but i have friends who’ve adopted from china, ethiopia, guatemala and of course the states so if you need an ear we’re all happy to help!!