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Waiting To Exhale

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Me: Guess what?

You: Chicken butt.

Me: No, really, guess what?

You: I give up. What?

Me: I haven’t seen my Mr. in almost two months.

You: Holy guacamole! Where’s he been?

Me: Rock n’ rollin’.

You: But I thought you were afraid of being alone at night?

Me: Oh yeah, I’m a panicker for sure. I just sorta took a great big breath when he left, and always made sure the TV was always on Disney or HGTV. (a.k.a. my two favorite channels that don’t ever show scary movie trailers.)

——————————————————————————————————-

He’s coming home today, and I cannot wait to finally e x h a l e………..

(And sleep with the all the lights off again.)

The house he’s coming home to is a little different than the one he left though.

On March 31st I had to say goodbye to our cat, Mr. Bean…

It was absolutely heartwrenching.

The two of us had spent a lot of time going back and forth to the vet during March. He stopped eating, and he was dropping weight like crazy. The first time around, they pulled one of his teeth (they said it was infected) and hooked him up to IV to get him rehydrated. The second time around, they hooked him up to another IV, did an ultrasound, and put him on three different medications. The prognosis wasn’t good, but he did show signs of improvement after a few days, so I took him home and watched YouTube videos about how to give cats pills. Three times a day, for the next week, I straddled his bath towel-wrapped body, nervously pryed his jaws apart and forced multi-colored pills inside his (growling) mouth. It was awful. For him, more than me, I’m sure. Eventually, I got him to eat a teeny tiny bit of soft cat food, but just when I thought he might be getting better, he took a major turn for the worse.

He was a shell of a cat the day I called his Dr. with what turned out to be the final update of his condition.

“You’ve done everything you could“, she replied, “It’s time to say goodbye.”

My knees went weak and I felt a huge lump form in my throat. I was afraid to talk because I didn’t want to open the floodgates, but I think she picked up on it because she did most of the talking after that. I listened to her explain the process, and our options, and just tried with all my might not to sob.

The next few days were pretty rough, especially since Kev was gone, but I know Bean was in a lot of pain and I absolutely hated seeing him like that.

He was an amazing and beautiful cat, and we’ll all miss him very much…



…especially the mama that rescued him at a grocery store…13 years ago.


PS- I published this post by Bean not that long ago, and I’ll always smile when I think about all the crazy places he used to sleep.

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Comments

  1. Dawn

    All my sympathy. Mr. Bean was a very handsome fellow and he was lucky to have a long and happy life with you. Tabby cats are the best in my opinion 🙂 Sending lots of good vibes your way.

  2. Rita

    Here’s to BEAN! A cat whose luck changed the day you entered his life. He lived a cat’s dream; good care, good food, good shelter and especially love!
    Take care,
    Rita

  3. wendy

    OH, Layla so sorry to hear about your little bean. May your heart sing knowing he is no longer in pain and now watching over you:(

  4. Danielle

    I’m so sorry to hear about your cat, as a cat lover myself my heart goes out to you and yes this post made me cry. I have 4 cats and a dog and they bring me so much joy. Awhile back my one cat went missing and every day I thought about her, expected her to never come back. I cried every morning until one afternoon I got a phone call from our local animal shelter saying that they had a cat recently rescued that fit the description of mine. On pins and needles I went there with my son and husband and sure enough it was our Custard, so I cried out of joy. I am sorry for your loss and sorry that it couldn’t be a different story for you. Take care!

  5. stephany

    So sorry for your loss. I said goodbye to our first cat, Miss Murphy the Boss Lady 2 years ago when she was suffering from kidney failure. And, our female dog, Grand River Medicine Oak, almost 1 year ago. While we still have 2 dogs and one cat, I miss those girls a lot. They were my buddies (the rest of the pets are boys).
    Glad your husband will be home soon. Mine travels for work, but has never been away for 2 months!

  6. Shannon

    I am reading this post sobbing at my desk. I am an animal lover through and through (and a panic sufferer as well). Animals bring so much to our lives and they become like children. I have 3 cats and a dog and I love each of them for their interesting little personalities and their eccentric behavior. It breaks my heart to hear that Bean (cutest cat name ever!) is in a better place. I loved seeing posts about him or pictures with him in it. Thoughts are with you, your husband, and Maximus. Take care!

  7. Michelle Lockridge

    I started crying when I read your post. We just lost one of our kitties a few months back. Like you, we struggled for weeks trying to get her better and just when you think everything is ok… well you know the story. My husband and I are close and if he hadn’t been here to cry with me day in and day out I don’t know what I would have done. I’m so sorry that you two were apart when this happened but very happy to hear he is coming home today. It will be so comforting and you’ll cry all over again. Take care of each other and enjoy each and every precious day 🙂

  9. Heather

    Awwww….so, so sorry about the Bean! I am going to miss him, too! What a pretty boy. I love my kitty so much. Glad the Mr. is coming home. Yes!

  10. Debbie

    I am so sorry you had to go through that alone. Please call if you ever again need any help. I know Mr. Bean was well loved and he returned love as only a cat can do. I know how you feel – two cats last year and one this year. When the girls moved to their apartment they took their cats with them. Crazy people that we are, we thought we could live without cats. We lasted a week and three days. Now Bonnie and Clyde call us their owners. Even Daisy dog has perked up!

  11. Colleen

    I am so sorry to hear about Bean. I’m tearing up just reading about it. We have two cats, and I can’t imagine what you are going through. I’m glad your hubby will be home soon so you can comfort each other.

  12. tracie

    very sorry for your loss, Layla. i know first hand, the heartbreak you’re feeling… and feel for you. am happy your man will arrive home so you can sleep with the lights off though.. hang in there!
    blessings,
    -tracie

  13. Denise

    Layla,

    I was so sorry to read about your sweet Bean. What is it about animals? They crawl right into our hearts, take up 3 times they space they need, and leave a great big o’ hole when it is their time to go. Still mourning over my sweet, sweet yellow dog.

    On a lighter note, your hubby comes home tonight! Enjoy!!

  16. maggie

    Aw Layla, I’m so sorry for your loss. Letting a pet go like that cuts your heart every time you have to do it.
    Someone sent me this right after I had to have my sweet little dog Miss Molly (who was 18) put to sleep.

    In their short lives our pets give us all they can…their friendship, unselfish love and total loyalty.
    There comes a time when we must give back to them… their peace, their freedom and their dignity.

    Hugs to you and Kevin and Max

  17. Tina

    It was so sad to read of your news. It looks like you have wonderful memories of Mr. Bean and that he was so loved and in a happy home. My heart goes out to you.

  18. Rachel Carey

    So sorry to hear Layla that Mr. Bean crossed the rainbow bridge. Along with loving a pet, we have to let them go. The very last thing we can do for them is to allow them to live a life without pain…we have to help them along when it’s time. He’s now in kitty heaven, he’s safe and he’s happy.

    We all dread these times, but along with pain will come happiness.

  19. Amy N.

    So sorry to hear about Bean! I know that losing a pet is a lot like losing a member of the family.

  20. Mz V

    In honor of Mr. Bean (and The Lettered Cottage, of course) I’ve just made a donation to ARF our no-kill pet shelter. They do great work on behalf of homeless cats and dogs here in North Texas. Mr. Bean would be proud to know that another great kitty will find a good home just because of him. Blessings and hugs to you guys during these sad days.

  21. Leslie

    Oh, Layla, as a lifelong cat “mom,” I’m so sorry to read about Mr. Bean’s passing, but big hugs to you for trying so hard to help him feel better, and for doing the right thing to ease his discomfort in the end. It’s so hard to see our feline pals suffer and it’s never an easy decision to give up and let them go, but it’s the other most important decision you can make for them after you’ve welcomed them into your life. Be glad that you had him in your world for so many years and that you gave him a good life, because I’m sure he knew how lucky he was to have you both as his “people,” so, hard as it is to lose him, try to take comfort in that.

  22. Sabrina

    Brought back so many memories from August when we had to put our first pet to sleep after ten years. A great dog named Buster who I can think about and cry at any given moment! So sorry for your loss of Bean. It’s hard loving animals so much sometimes.

  23. devon

    I am so so sorry you had to go through that recently, it is just so hard; We put down a beloved lab last month, it was time but so hard to say goodbye. I surround myself with my fur family of cats and dogs(well, one now), and they are all special, you hate the void that’s left when they go. Prayers to you, d

  24. Jena K

    Oh Layla,

    I’m so sorry about your kitty. (I’m sitting here at work reading this with tears streaming down my face.) I know your heart must break. We have a 17 year “old man” kitty ourselves and I keep praying that he just goes in his sleep one night and that we don’t have to watch his condition deteriorate more. It sounds like you loved Bean to the end and took good care of him. He was a gift to you and you to him.

    When I was a teenager, in Sunday School someone once challenged our teacher about whether animals were in heaven since they supposedly don’t have souls (yah right!). My very wise teacher responded that the Bible tells us that heaven is a place of happiness. And so heaven will contain whatever it takes to make us happy. And that if ihaving our beloved pets with us in heaven makes it happy, he thought that God would see to it. Even as an adult, I’ve used those pearls of wisdom with my kids at times like this–and I don’t know about all you guys, but I have quite a few beloved pets and it makes me feel better to think I will see them again one day.

    Hugs to you–thank you for celebrating Bean’s life with us!

  25. Kristi @ Creative Kristi

    Oh I am so sorry about your loss! 🙁 🙁 It’s always hard to lose a part of the family!
    I hear you about the big breath & Disney/HGTV LOL my hubby is preparing for another 12 month + deployment and my breath is already in short little breaths. 🙁 so happy he’s home with you now!! 🙂

  26. Sarah

    I’m so so so sorry for your loss! I got all choked up for you! Loosing kitties is so rough, but I’m sure Bean is happily hunting mice in cat heaven.

  27. Diane@InMyOwnStyle

    Hi Layla-

    So sorry to hear about Mr. Bean. It is so hard to have to day goodbye to our loving pets, but
    I couldn’t imagine not having them at all – they make our lives so much better. It is nice that you have so many wonderful photos of him – so that he will always be around visually as well as in your heart.
    My best- Diane

  28. Lisa Hankins

    So sorry to hear about Mr. Bean 🙁 My fur babies are just like kids to me and I know how horrible the loss feels. Glad Kevin is coming home and can comfort you sweety! Remember how much love Bean gave and how much you gave him right back, the things he did that made you smile and know he was grateful for your constant love.

  31. Melinda

    So sorry about your cat. Pet’s are precious members of our families and their losses grieved. Happy your hubby is going to be home to comfort you…

  33. Trisha

    My heart is with you! My eyes are full of tears about your sad experience. I know your sadness! My sister and I grew up with Buzzby the cat, aka The Buzz, for 18 years. He was a Christmas kitten for us in 1993 and this past Thanksgiving weekend he went for a walk with my dad and the pups just like always. But that time, he didn’t come home. He’d been diabetic for a few years and that was under control, but his appetite had changed and he had become somewhat senile, too, meowing and moaning at his water bowl. What made my sister and me most sad is that he decided to take that last moment on his own, without us there with him. I’m happy for you, that you got that last little goodbye with Mr. Bean, no matter how sad it was. My heart goes out to you!

  35. Linda

    Oh Layla,

    I know how hard it is. I was a basket case in a similar situation. My vet said after my sobs “Linda, bring her in”. I had to call my husband at work to come with me. You gave him a good life. I’m sure he’s smiling down at you with love.

  38. Liz

    When I lived in Michigan I had the most awesome tabby Milo. When I moved back to Cali, my dad fell in love with him and I couldn’t separate them. So for years I would see Milo when I went home to visit. Last year Milo began to lose teeth, and my mom notice he was smacking his dry food. Then he was swallowing it whole. She took him to the vet and all of his teeth were falling apart. He also had thyroid disease. It was awful for our family to lose him after almost 14 years. He was chief gopher/ground squirrel officer on the ranch for so long. The great ones are usually tabbies.

  39. Dorothy

    Oh, so sorry about Mr. Bean, Layla. At first I was going to kid you about being scared alone at night, since my husband tends to work contract engineering jobs out of state -ick-and I know what that’s like. But then I read about your pretty kitty, and got all teared up. It’s so so hard to lose a beloved pet member of your family. Take care.

  41. Cottage By The Sea

    Oh Layla,

    I am so sorry about Bean. She will leave a big hole, but good kitty memories will fill it up. Now she’s not in any pain, and seeing a beloved animal in pain is horrible. You did the loving thing for her.

    Congrats on getting your hubby back. He looks very rockin’ in the photo – you will have a fun homecoming!

  42. Kasey

    I’m so sorry to hear about Bean. I’ve been through that myself, and it is so difficult. I’m glad you have some wonderful pictures and memories of him.

    Enjoy having your husband back at home!

  44. mcgrathinnol

    My heart aches for your loss of Mr. Bean. It brings back tears to my eyes because I can’t help but think of my beloved Douglass (black kitty) who died 5 1/2 years ago. You see I was on the Gulf Coast when my New Orleans home was flooded and my sweet Douglass drowned in 11 ft of water. Loosing a pet always leaves a hole….Douglass will surely meet Mr. Bean at the Rainbow Bridge.

  46. carla raney

    Sorry Layla about how sucky the last month or two has been. I totally get it when you said waiting to exhale. and sleeping with the lights off and no scary stuff of t.v and that is hard to find these days. That is Allong time for you to be alone girl. I am soooo glad he is on his way home.

  47. Darlene Bonelli

    Oh Layla I am so sorry to hear about your kitty Mr. Bean. I almost lost my kitty Figaro, whom you’ve drawn before years ago, a few years ago. I was devastated, but I was fortunate that he pulled through. I will be thinking about you for sure. I also can relate to being in a lonely house. My husband left for California for 9 days and I’ve been pretty lonesome myself. I just pray I can get to sleep at night. But it is always wonderful to miss them as it makes their homecoming very special.

  48. Gina

    I had to laugh about you being scared to stay alone. I was exactly the same way for many years (luckily, I’ve gotten better.) The part that made me laugh was when you said you watched Disney or HGTV so you wouldn’t see anything scary. My thoughts exactly! (I watched QVC also) Glad to know my silly mind isn’t the only one that thinks this way! 🙂

    Sorry to hear about Mr. Bean.

  49. gayla

    Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss. That is so hard. Glad your hubs is coming home to keep you company, though!

  50. janet metzger

    Dear Layla,

    So sorry to hear about Mr.Bean. What a beautiful guy he was.

    I know exactly how you feel. My orange tabby, Whisper, was with me for 21 years and just like that… one day he had decided he was tired and very ready to go. It was sudden, but so very sad. I miss him still.

    Much love and good thoughts to you and Kevin.

    Janet xox
    http://theemptynest-janet.blogspot.com