“Our children need to know they are precious in the sunshine and the rain.”
-Dr. Karyn Purvis
We’ve finally got a ramp for “Grandpè Jim” to drive his scooter up, so we’re looking forward to having him over for a visit this week. This will be the first time he’s seen their barn in person, and I know Steevenson will be so excited to give him the tour. He knows where everything will go (bed, TV, toilet, refrigerator, closet, table, etc), and when the workers aren’t there, he talks us through it all…repeatedly. 🙂
He was very excited about having his picture made while he was “working” on the barn, too. He wanted to wear my shoes on top of his sandals for a while, but took them off after seeing them in the pictures on the back of our camera. I guess he thought they weren’t “Bob the Builder” enough. 😉
We have been having lots of fun together, but I will be honest, this past weekend was very hard. Steevenson tested boundaries (and our patience 😛 ) and we worked through countless behavioral challenges. In hundreds of ways, and underneath the emotions, I think he was probably asking, ‘Do you see me?’, ‘Do you hear me?’, ‘Are you in control?’, ‘Am I safe with you?, ‘Will you love me no matter what?’.
My prayer tonight (and every night from here on out) is that he will experience deep levels of healing as he processes his fears and adjusts to his new surroundings. That he will feel precious…in the sunshine and the rain, and that God’s unending faithfulness and tender mercies will continue to carry all three of us through.
Will pray that exact thing, Layla. It will be all right even if it may not seem so sometimes.
Sending prayers your way for strength and understanding. You are a pillar of strength.
It is so great to see Steevenson at home! Prayers continue for your dear family.
So glad Steevenson is home. Will continue to pray. Check out http://www.janetlansbury.com if you get a chance. My sister parents with this philosophy and it’s amazing for developing confidence and allowing feelings to be acknowledged while setting boundaries. I think you would enjoy reading about it.
Even after Sonny adjusts to your family life, you will still have nightly conversations with God. It is sometimes the only thing that keeps you sane. But after 3 kids, I would not change a day or an hour, even at our roughest point. Children teach parents such valuable lessons–selflessness, compassion, patience, bravery. It is the ultimate thrill ride. And then there is the pride you feel when you see your child mimic those qualities as they hold doors open for others, console their friends during rough times, listen to your stories for the zillionth time, and confront inequality head on. Yeah, tears of joy…and exhaustion!
You are so right that children teach their parents valuable lessons. One of my children was very difficult, but I am a stronger person as a result. Also, like you said, I am more selfless, compassionate, patient and brave.
OMG he is too adorable working away with those big tools! I thought the Sketchers looked too big for him and got a big laugh when I read why.
The stressful times make the good times all the sweeter.
That’s too funny, I was thinking “gee, his feet look huge, I don’t remember him having such big feet”, then I read the post. LOL
Me, too. Hahaha.
Praying for all three of you. God is faithful. He brought Steevenson to you and will not abandon you now.
That is a perfect prayer. I will pray with you. I know that God’s great love and your great love will heal Steevenson and bond your family.
You are surrounded by prayers and love. Thank you for sharing the realities of your journey.
Jackie
I remember reading that children act out when they are too immature to process what is going on around them. Moving to his new home and leaving the only one he has known is one of the top 3 major life changes for anyone. Keep showing him love. Follow your heart. He will transition in time.
Agreeing with you in prayer!
I have been reading your blog for a long time, and have felt your ups and downs in your adoption journey, through your writing. I have a 4 year old too so I know how they test boundaries even when they don’t have to make the massive adjustment that your Sonny is making. One thing I have found helpful, and you may too, is the AHAparenting site. It is all about positive parenting. Although your circumstances are special, there may be some nuggets of wisdom there for you all. You all are so loving and kind, I know he will thrive. I will send good, healing vibes his way. <3
It is a learning curve for all of you, I’m sure. I have faith that you all will overcome any and all that you are given. That’s why God trusted you with Steevenson! He knew you both would be the best parents for him!
I love seeing S. with his construction gear – he’s a dedicated worker! Must find him some worker boots, so he can be stylin’ like the big guys! Bet he will be leading Grandpe’ Jim around, pointing out everything!
Sending extra hugs to share with Steevenson, dear Layla! The testing may just be the way he figures out his place in his new family. Without the words he needs yet, acting out may be his method of communication for a little while. He might be testing your love and trust in the only way he knows, for just a bit longer. Be consistent and loving, as you celebrate the joys of being a new family! Much love! ♡
Continued prayers for you, and so thankful for your honesty so we can know exactly how to pray for you! What a blessing this sweet baby boy has in being with a family who loves him through the good and the hard times-you all are truly wonderful <3.
He will work thru it. Hang in there. That is exactly what he is doing. Don’t let this period defeat you
I wondered (and assumed) they would talk with you about the issues you may face with this transition and I appreciate your honesty. Having him with you now is such a blessing but I would have to imagine it will be an adjustment for all. You are all going to FULL TIME family overnight! Prayers and best wishes for you all during this time–to enjoy it all and have the patience, knowledge and strength to deal with the fun times and the more difficult times.
Even with all the adjustments you’ve all made as a new family just remember that his behaviors are behaviors of a typical toddler. He would be acting that way even if he’d been brought home as a new born with you. And just as trying 🙂
Hang in there, prayers!!
Hi, I have enjoyed reading your blog for quite some time now. We adopted our son from Ethiopia and he was 5 when he came home, he is now 12 :). As I was reading your post this am, I smiled because I too remember the first few weeks of the temper tantrums the communication barriers and just plain fear on his part and ours, to be honest. All I know is that you’re right – he needs to know that you’re not going anywhere that your no means no and your yes means yes. It gets easier and then harder and then easier. Thank you for placing your life out here for all of us to be a part of. I consider you a friend (weird probably I know) I will continue to pray for you all.
He’s so adorable Layla! My kids also pushed their boundaries at around that age also. It may be for different reasons with your boy, but with mine- they just wanted to feel more grown up and didn’t want me telling them to do anything (especially going to bed!) Give him lots of hugs and stand firm. It will soon pass. ((HUGS))
He will test you even after he has adjusted. Children test you their whole life time. Mine are 36 & 40 and have been testing me all summer. God will be there to listen and guide you. Trust me it’s how I’ve made it thur many tests.
Adoption is hard from beginning to end but oh sooooo worth it. Hang in there. It gets easier. I will remember all of you in my prayers.
He {and you} are so precious as you navigate the new normal together. I have no doubt the transition will result in a very secure, happy young man and a very happy, proud mom and dad! Love seeing the photos of him working on the barn and that RED looks incredible. I cracked up when you explained the shoes. I had initially thought, “wow, he has some oddly big feet??” lol
Boys are full of fun and lots of bumpy roads, and so much love. I’m sure you are hearing that time flies when your kids are growing up. I kept that in mind, and I tried to enjoy every phase and soak it all in, the good and the bumpy. As a mom of two boys — a senior in high school and junior in college — let me tell you….it goes by at warp speed!
Enjoy that sweet boy, the bumps will smooth their way out. Love and prayers to the 3 of you!
K
Thank God for your realness. I was wondering if you were going to be real with how sweet p is adjusting; it’s gotta be hard for all of you, in spite of the wonder and thankfulness of being together.
Your journey will be full of moments needing endurance and there will be times you feel weak and frustrated. Know that When you fall, make mistakes, when Steevenson messes up your plan, GOD IS WITH YOU.
Some of the hardest moments in parenting are when things are spiraling downward and your reserves are shot. But GOD IS WITH YOU.
Blessings on your journey, will pray for you all.
He’s so adorable. How exciting for your dad to see his new place for the first time! When the little ones test boundaries I think they’re sometimes asking, “will you still love me if I do this?” you are so smart to keep firm boundaries within the living relationship. That makes the little ones feel safe.
Nourish yourself too. Rely on the support of other moms in your adoptive group, and any others that you choose. I still remember the shock of bringing home a newborn..and the adjustment it took to realize that he was going to be in our lives forever. I hope others will help you with food, or other things. He is also probably adjusting to not having so many children around. Pour into him…but also into yourselves a bit.
Layla, I’ve been studying the law of attraction ( and recently finishing up my certification!) for years and one thing that has helped me is when I say my prayers at night and if I’m having a significant challenge, I flip the thought around like GOD already helped me with it and I give THANKS as if it has ALREADY happened! The key is to put as much detail as you can and FEEL grateful right then for the help . . . I’m telling you this works . . . If it feels right give it a try . . . Hope it helps! Feel free to email anytime if you’d like some help! Always here for you guys . . . XO
Welcome to parenthood! 🙂 Little guy sounds pretty normal, and so are you and Kevin to be concerned about his behavior. And it’s good that talking with our Heavenly Father is your go-to method for getting through parenting.
I wish my faith had been more mature while raising our 3, who are in their early-mid 30’s. I never realized that God must feel the same as I did: “How many times do I need to tell you [this or that]? I will love you no matter how long it takes you to learn [a lesson]. I will love you even if you don’t.” Also this, “I desire relationship with you. I’m always available to listen, counsel, console, rejoice, help you.”
Isn’t it wonderful to contemplate that He loves S. and you with an everlasting love?!
Looking forward to seeing how God draws you all to Himself as your Father.
Blessings, Karen from Oregon
M.F.E.O. (meant for each other)
The fun begins! Remember you know lots of parents who have adopted and can give you support. I’m thinking of Shannon at Flower Patch Farmgirl who has been thru this and is a marvelous person with more wisdom than I could ever imagine. You and Kevin and Steevenson are truly blessed.
It is so awesome to see Sonny with you in Alabama! The thought came to me, how you must feel like you are living the dream! It is real!! I love having my boys help me around the house.
I will pray with you through this transition. The way you are interpreting his behavior is probably spot on.
Love is patient… and preschoolers are not. :/ he is testing you- over and over and over b/c he is learning the rules of this new life. Can he bust into the cookies whenever he wants? Why not? Consistency will be your best friend — a good friend who adopted told us (on our journey now): they are children, yes oh so precious to you and a miracle in real life for your family– all the aunts/uncles/grandparents– but CHILDREN nonetheless. Boundaries, consistency and clear lines of expectations are their love language 🙂
My oldest daughter(middle child) was the only one of my three that constantly challenged authority. I used to say that she behaved unlovingly and challenged me to love her anyway! I think maybe Steevenson is doing just that to you to make sure you will love him anyway. He may not feel secure yet that he will not be abandoned. However, limits must be set. I always thought that rules must be black and white, because children do not understand shades of gray! I think maybe the trick is to make sure they understand that while you don’t accept their behavior you will always love them. Keep praying and God Bless all of You!
Being a parent is the most rewarding, most difficult, most frustrating, most beautiful, most complicated, most incredible, most puzzling, most satisfying, most important thing you’ll ever be….Be patient with yourself. You’re as new at being a parent as Steevenson is at being someone’s child!
There is so much happening at this age in a child’s development. Combining bonding issues with separation issues with language issues with new home and new family issues… and holy cow, Layla…. you need a professional to help you sort it all out. I hope there is someone walking you through these first few weeks… and if not, please know it is not a sign of weakness to ask… but strength. The burdens of our lives are always lightened when we can share them and ask for help…You know how thrilled you are when someone asks you for help and you are able to provide it? Yeah… someone is out there anxious to do the same for you!
Praying for you and your beautiful family….
Even under the best circumstances children, particularly Steevenson’s age, will test every boundary and drive their parents crazy. Steevenson’s experienced so much change in his young life already that I imagine his behavior is very normal at this stage. But as a parent, I feel ya! We’ll keep you all in our prayers during this time of transition for each of you. ???
That boy will be building for real in no time!
Kids test boundaries. If love is flowing it will all work out.
God did not bring you this far to let any part of this fail now! He is a beautiful child and now has two beautiful parents who will learn to guide him and instruct him in life. All children test boundaries, especially when they are in new environments or situations. Its how they learn to navigate the situation they are in. You can do this! You have so many people behind you. Let us help you as you experience this incredible journey.
Praying for you and Kevin both… the boundary testing never ends, think about it… we do it all the time with God. Just know the boundaries are what shows your love most, and never doubt your decisions, or give up when it gets tough… when your parenting decisions are based on God’s Word all will be right in the end. (mine are 20 and 22 now) So cute to see Sonny “building”!!
Adoption is hard under the most ideal of circumstances. Years of living in fear and uncertainty as a baby and small child cannot be undone quickly. Time takes time. Your insight into what your son is dealing with is spot on and your solution is to pray and that is where relief from fear will be found. Daily. Your prayer is beautiful. I have written it done and will pray it each morning on behalf of you, your family and all adoptive and foster families. Your journey is life changing, and difficult, and meaningful, and soooo worthy. Thank you especially for bringing those of us who have been touched by adoption in our own lives along on your journey. I read your posts and my heart heals.
Love the barn! So admire what you’re doing with the barn and with Steevenson. He’s just a kid and learning so many things new to him and looking to you all to guide him. My mother used to tell me, “Motherhood is the hardest thing you can do, but one of the most rewarding things you can do.” So true.
I am so happy to see your boy home with you. He is darling! I have four boys myself and one thing I can tell you about boys is that they love their mommies. Even my 16 year old son (who is 6’2″ and 220 lbs.) came and sat on my lap last night for a cuddle (ouch! But I loved it). Boys will test boundaries time and again, it’s in their nature to see how hard they can push. It’s is what makes them grow into good, intelligent men. Pick your battles, somethings just aren’t worth the fight. But be consistent with the boundaries you set. After you’ve had to lay down the law be sure to give him lots of love. Boys respond well to physical signs of love, lots of hugs and kisses and food!
BTW I have those same shoes! I don’t think there have ever been more comfortable shoes in the history of shoes.
Our daughters have been home for almost 3 years, and still I can relate so much to your words… Praying for you all! It is tough, but our God is able!!
He’s precious!!! Thank you so much for these awesome pictures!
All of you definitely have a lot of adjustments coming at you from all sides. Things will settle in before you know it. Steevenson needs to learn that he’s loved and he’s HOME. It’ll come! I’ll keep y’all in my prayers!
Sending prayers your way! Remember, God can handle anything – there is nothing too great for him.
Your new child is so adorable working on the new addition. His adjustment (and yours) will take some time, but through God’s help, all will triumph. He is truly testing you and wants you to set limits for him. Children need this and know that you love them enough to do this. I’m rambling, but I think you know what I’m trying to say. I’m very fortunate to have two wonderful children who are now taking care of us. That’s what happens when you show love and care to them when they are young.
I am so happy for you and all of your growing family. You are truely blessed to have so much love around you and such heartfelt advice. Enjoy!!!
And by the way, my husband wears “construction sandles”, too. So tell Steevenson it’s okay. (Kind of kidding!)
Prayers for you all as you travel this season, I can’t imagine the language barrier, the anxiety he and you have to be feeling. God is always in control but as humans we tend to stress, worry, even when we know it’s all in his hands all we have to do is follow as he leads. With that said I wondered how it would be going from a house full to being a only child for your Sweet P. Biological or Adoptive children will test you beyond what you think you can bear, all you can do is what you are doing, stand your ground, reassure them that you love them and pray. Love your pics and updates by the way
You are so blessed. Adoptive children can test you on levels you didn’t know you had. I can strongly advise getting him in some form of counseling and play groups to help you all adjust to your new family.
We are joining you in this prayer! So thankful for your sweet family! Thank you for sharing this journey with us all.
You have lots of support via this blog and other adoptive parents. Cindy in OK has it pegged. At his age, kids learn a lot through play, so make things a game, pretend. Helping my children learn to navigate life began with me learning to manage me. Behind the scenes, as parents, be on the same page, have reasonable expectations, discuss consequences in advance and how issues are handled. Be it negative or positive–reinforcement is reinforcement. Make it positive and catch him doing the right thing. Also,try to understand his motives if you can–sometimes it helps to know if he is seeking attention, is frustrated or why he might be acting out. That way you can deal with what’s underneath. For example, if I felt my own kids were acting out for attention or to get my reaction, I might just “not notice” and go in the other room to remove myself. Don’t be afraid to find a resource, like Parents as Teachers, to listen and help you think things through. We all find our own way on the bumpy, twisting, exhilarating and rewarding road called parenting. Keep calm and parent on, you can do this!
This is so cute. All boy! Whose Sketchers has he “Borrowed?” LOL. I NOTE that the screwdriver has been disabled by taking the battery pack out. Good parents you two are. It is bound to be a Huge adjustment and inside very overwhelming at times. Which is all to be expected. God bless and prayers for your family.