“The Lord doesn’t ever just discipline us for punitive action, He is always disciplining us to restore us to Himself. And so as parents, of course that’s always our goal. It’s not to discipline for punitive satisfaction, but to restore relationship, and reconcile, and get back in perfect standing with one another.”
-Esty Downes
Goodness, there were so many wise and encouraging comments in at the end of my last post! Thanks to everyone who joined the conversation. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the advice/support, and I know your messages blessed anyone else who read them too.
I had mentioned that we had a rough weekend in that particular post, but I’m happy to share with you that we have had a fantastic Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday! I think we are starting to understand each other better, which has really helped strengthen our relationship.
I really need to start writing about our days together in a journal. There are SO many things I want to remember about these first few weeks together! Big things, and hundreds of little things. Like the way he nearly bursts with excitement every morning because he gets to choose his clothes. Like the morning he said he wanted to wear his (lens-less) glasses so that he could be “the same as mama”.
And don’t even get me started on the day he discovered his suspenders. He asked me to take his photo and started doing different poses each time I clicked the button- LOL!
Another thing that blows my mind is that, this week, he has been excited to show me and Kevin how he’s not misbehaving in certain ways anymore. In other words, I’ve noticed that if he remembers an especially naughty/potentially dangerous thing he did this past weekend, and if he sees an opportunity to repeat a similar action, he now makes a point to stop us both (even if we’re in separate rooms of the house!) so that he can show us that he doesn’t want to do it the wrong/unsafe way again. He seems so proud and confident in those moments, and just beams while Kevin and I shower him with praise and love. 🙂
A precious friend/fellow adoptive mama said to me yesterday, “He has this bucket that he wants filled, and he’s just been idling for years, waiting to get home so you guys can fill it. It’s so encouraging that this early in the game he is willing to show you his flaws, receive correction (even if he bristles against it), and then repent and change. I mean, that is a soft heart. That is incredible. The beauty in him showing you difficult behaviors, making poor choices, dealing with the consequences of those choices, receiving correction and discipline, even if he doesn’t enjoy that (who does?), and then changing and wanting to draw attention to it for the purpose of praise and restoration- I mean, that is beautiful. It is what the Lord wants from us as children. He doesn’t ever just discipline us for punitive action, He is always disciplining us to restore us to Himself. And so as parents, of course that’s always our goal. It’s not to discipline for punitive satisfaction, but to restore relationship, and reconcile, and get back in perfect standing with one another. And that is what Steevenson is giving you. He’s giving you feedback that says, ‘I want to be in right relationship…restored and whole in this relationship with you, and I’m willing to work’. That is huge. The beauty that you are already seeing the Lord uncover in healing…sometimes it takes years to get to this point…it’s incredible that He’s letting you see a glimpse of it right now!”
Awed. Humbled. Grateful. And don’t even get me started about Steevenson falling asleep wrapped around his daddy tonight. That’s a “first time ever” too. Gotta get that journal!! 😀
Layla, jot down a few memories every day and cherish them. Don’t fuss over finding the right journal but just take a few minutes to write down your sweet memories. It doesn’t seem like it now, but time passes quickly.
love this, he is sooo cute. been follwing your blog for years since I also live in Alabama! I have a 7 year old son and the thing that has helped me so much and that I share w/ all my mommy friends is http://www.ahaparenting.com and her book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. It has really been so helpful for me and my husband and our son!
Oh my heart! That pictures and those suspenders and those glasses and those poses I mean!! I can’t take all the cuteness. He looks like a little man and I absolutely love it.
I am so glad you are all finding your way and that is HUGE and so amazing that he is learning so quickly and respecting you & your husbands wishes. I think he knows no matter what you have is his best interest at heart and your love. I am not a parent so I can’t speak from experience but so glad you are all filling your space with happiness & love. It all works out in the end
xx
He has won over this aging grandma’s heart. He shines! So wonderfully blest to have you & Kevin as parents. Yes! I believe you should journal. Someday it will make an amazing book. Love you all.