“Our children need to know they are precious in the sunshine and the rain.”
-Dr. Karyn Purvis
We’ve finally got a ramp for “Grandpè Jim” to drive his scooter up, so we’re looking forward to having him over for a visit this week. This will be the first time he’s seen their barn in person, and I know Steevenson will be so excited to give him the tour. He knows where everything will go (bed, TV, toilet, refrigerator, closet, table, etc), and when the workers aren’t there, he talks us through it all…repeatedly. 🙂
He was very excited about having his picture made while he was “working” on the barn, too. He wanted to wear my shoes on top of his sandals for a while, but took them off after seeing them in the pictures on the back of our camera. I guess he thought they weren’t “Bob the Builder” enough. 😉
We have been having lots of fun together, but I will be honest, this past weekend was very hard. Steevenson tested boundaries (and our patience 😛 ) and we worked through countless behavioral challenges. In hundreds of ways, and underneath the emotions, I think he was probably asking, ‘Do you see me?’, ‘Do you hear me?’, ‘Are you in control?’, ‘Am I safe with you?, ‘Will you love me no matter what?’.
My prayer tonight (and every night from here on out) is that he will experience deep levels of healing as he processes his fears and adjusts to his new surroundings. That he will feel precious…in the sunshine and the rain, and that God’s unending faithfulness and tender mercies will continue to carry all three of us through.
I hope you are feeling the love from all of us. I have enjoyed reading what everyone else has written. Love it. lots of super great stuff.
I was a “bonus mom” (or step mom) not a foster or an adoptive mom but the many of the principles are the same for all three categories; You come into the child’s life partway through, not form a bond right from the getgo.
I highly recommend “Kids are Worth It” by Barbara Coloroso. She’s amazing.
Like others have mentioned, when the kids pushed me to my limits, I found great wisdom from her. Looking back they taught me as much as I taught them. K.A.W.I. doesn’t deal with the bonding/adjusting process but it gives rock solid, loving, parenting strategies that are so important for kids and carry them through to adulthood. Simple, practical stuff that will be a gift to them in dealing with everyone in their lives forever.
Kids Are Worth It was such a blessing for me and so many in our community (neighbours, family, teachers, coaches, etc) noticed huge improvements (not the right word…more loving things happening, confidence, settling, positivity) once I read her stuff and implemented it.
You are doing great. Prayers for all three of you.
What an adorable boy! Our son was nearly 4 years old when we adopted him from China. Those first few weeks were wonderful, but at the same time, HARD. Someone told me, “Treat him not like his actual age, but put his age at the time he’s spent here at home.” That changed my perspective. Thinking of him as a one week old gave me more patience. Sometimes newborns have days when they have to be held pretty much constantly. And that was the case with Simon. We would sit on the front porch, with his arms and legs wrapped around me for HOURS and he needed that time. It was hard. With other kids at home wanting my attention too, I felt like I couldn’t do all that was required. He tested limits. Big time. I tried to be be firm but loving. I’m sure there were times I let things slide that I should have nixed from the get-go. I’m sure there were times when I let little things get a bigger reaction than they deserved. He was tough because in some ways he was so independent and mature for his age. He’d been working at the orphanage since he was essentially a toddler and he wanted to do things here, but I wasn’t accustomed to letting a 4 year-old do the dishes or chop the veggies. He wanted to and I should have let him do more. In other ways, he was younger than a typical 4 year-old because he didn’t have some of the social skills that family life requires. He was from a survival of the fittest environment and he was willing to fight for what he wanted. He also hoarded food in a couple of different places in our house. It took a lot of time and patience. He’s 9 years old now and just started 4th grade today! He still can struggle with his temper, but he’s a wonderful, caring, helpful, smart boy and we can’t imagine life without him. Blessings to you and your husband and your beautiful new son!
Prayers for you all!! : )
I have been waiting for his arrival for years and I am so excited that your family is now together! He’s precious! I love what the prior poster said! I’m not an expert at adoption- but I think he’s breaking you into parenthood! You guys are amazing!
Hang in there mama! Ive been thinking a lot about you and wondering how sweet P’s adjustment has been going. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing with us. There is strength in numbers 🙂
Being a mom on two adopted (now) teenagers the only thing i can say is. Be consistent….So Steevenson doesn’t have to guess what mom and dad might say or do. He will already know because it’s the same every time. (And i’m talking about discipline.) “The more chances you give him the more disrespect he will give you”…”Behavior problems are 95% relationship issues.” I have complete faith if you and Kevin. Look how far you’ve come and how long you’ve waited for this angel child to be yours. And you are absolutely right. He wants to make sure you will “stay”. You are meant to be his mom. And the Holy spirit will guide you.
Geezzzz didnt mean to get preach-y. I will always be your cheereader Layla! “YOU CAN DO IT” and so says bob the builder.
Jenn Nelson
I love what you wrote. Sending good thoughts your way. Hang in there mama!
So excited to see your adoption process is over and your precious boy is ” home” How blessed he is to be in your home full of God’s love and his parents love. Looking forward to reading future blogs watching him experience so much!
Layla, I loved reading this post. Life and love takes lots of energy, time, and patience, whether it’s with a husband or child or even your sweet pets. I am thinking there will be much time needed for Stevenson to adjust to his new beautiful life. What a huge change this is for him. He also is the perfect age for testing and exerting his independence. It’s a perfect storm at times with a perfect rainbow right that follows.
I had my nephew ( who we had for a year and on and off forever) my daughter and son when I was 24. They were all about 1 yr apart. My husband found a book that became by bible. I read it and knew it was how I wanted to be, how to act and react and what would work for us. The book is hard to find but I did find a copy on Amazon when I became a grandma and an aunt. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s something I had to share because it was so life changing as far as how to handle everyday problems while building a strong self esteem in your child that will carry them through life and important decisions.
The book is called Between Parent and Child. The author is Heim Ginott.
His knowledge and insight into child development and his interesting way of sharing it is a great read.
I know Layla that every thing you and Kevin have done to bring your Sweet Pea home has been inspiring and awesome. You can hear and see through your words and pictures that you are a family. That is a what your baby feels and knows and sees in your faces and hearts. All the other stuff is so normal. I love following your blog and you both becoming parents and sharing it all makes it that more wonderful to read.
Always prayers and hugs to you all.
Praying for Stevenson & you & your husband…your precious new family!…as you navigate the difficult yet delightful waters of parenting. There is no more important job & none more rewarding! Stay on your knees & our GOOD, GOOD FAITHFUL & LOVING FATHER will continue to guide you through each step of the way!!!?
Oh this is too precious I have a feeling he’s going to be a builder in the future maybe 🙂
these photos are priceless! love to see your son “working” and helping to ready the place.
you are a good and thoughtful mama. sending love and prayers to you!
xo