Waiting To Exhale

Me: Guess what?

You: Chicken butt.

Me: No, really, guess what?

You: I give up. What?

Me: I haven’t seen my Mr. in almost two months.

You: Holy guacamole! Where’s he been?

Me: Rock n’ rollin’.

You: But I thought you were afraid of being alone at night?

Me: Oh yeah, I’m a panicker for sure. I just sorta took a great big breath when he left, and always made sure the TV was always on Disney or HGTV. (a.k.a. my two favorite channels that don’t ever show scary movie trailers.)


He’s coming home today, and I cannot wait to finally e x h a l e………..

(And sleep with the all the lights off again.)

The house he’s coming home to is a little different than the one he left though.

On March 31st I had to say goodbye to our cat, Mr. Bean…

It was absolutely heartwrenching.

The two of us had spent a lot of time going back and forth to the vet during March. He stopped eating, and he was dropping weight like crazy. The first time around, they pulled one of his teeth (they said it was infected) and hooked him up to IV to get him rehydrated. The second time around, they hooked him up to another IV, did an ultrasound, and put him on three different medications. The prognosis wasn’t good, but he did show signs of improvement after a few days, so I took him home and watched YouTube videos about how to give cats pills. Three times a day, for the next week, I straddled his bath towel-wrapped body, nervously pryed his jaws apart and forced multi-colored pills inside his (growling) mouth. It was awful. For him, more than me, I’m sure. Eventually, I got him to eat a teeny tiny bit of soft cat food, but just when I thought he might be getting better, he took a major turn for the worse.

He was a shell of a cat the day I called his Dr. with what turned out to be the final update of his condition.

You’ve done everything you could“, she replied, “It’s time to say goodbye.”

My knees went weak and I felt a huge lump form in my throat. I was afraid to talk because I didn’t want to open the floodgates, but I think she picked up on it because she did most of the talking after that. I listened to her explain the process, and our options, and just tried with all my might not to sob.

The next few days were pretty rough, especially since Kev was gone, but I know Bean was in a lot of pain and I absolutely hated seeing him like that.

He was an amazing and beautiful cat, and we’ll all miss him very much…

…especially the mama that rescued him at a grocery store…13 years ago.

PS- I published this post by Bean not that long ago, and I’ll always smile when I think about all the crazy places he used to sleep.

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  1. says

    I am so sorry. We had to say goodbye to 2 cats within 2 months of each other and it was so hard. It’s been over a year and I still think about them every day. They were such great kitties. Especially the boy, Ditto. He really was my best friend kitty.

  2. says

    Hi Layla,

    I have not checked your blog in a few weeks, and I am crying. :( I am so very sorry. We lost our sweet cat Chloe just a bit over a year ago, and I definitely know how painful it is. She passed on her own before I had to make any decisions (which I knew I would; her condition worsened so quickly). And it happened when we were in transition from PA to SC (while staying with friends in NC). I really feel for you. I hope our Chloe welcomed your Mr. Bean into heaven. :)

  3. Shannon says

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear about Mr. Bean! How brave of you to handle this by yourself. I wish there was something to say to take all the sadness away. Take good care of yourself.

  4. Maria C. Guerra says

    So sorry to hear about Mr. Bean! He looked just like our cat Huerfano (means orphan in spanish). We lost him a couple of years ago. We still miss him dearly.

  5. Kimberly Madrid says

    I am so sorry to hear about your sweet Mr. Bean. He was beautiful and I can only imagine how very much you must miss him. Much love and hugs to you.

  6. says

    Your post made me get teary eyed. We had to put our sweet Harry Potter to sleep last year. He was diabetic and had to endure ear pricks multiple times a day to test his blood glucose levels and twice daily shots of insulin as well. He eventually was also diagnosed with leukemia as well and went downhill very quickly. He too became a “shell of a cat” as you put it, and we finally decided he’d had enough of being sick and we put him to sleep as well. We miss him every single day too. On a happier note, I love that you found Mr. Bean in a parking lot. I found Harry Potter at a garage sale in a play pen, hiding underneath the mat on the bottom of it. haha :)

  7. says

    My dad had to put his best friend down today because of kitty cancer.
    This was coincidence that I was even on your blog today….I haven’t been online in forever and then to see that you had to put Mr Bean to sleep :( on the day my dad did.
    I haven’t called him yet, I know he is really upset. Retired man, lives in the country, Roscoe was his best/only friend besides family…..my dad is the type of guy that would “drop a cat at the farm” when we were kids but after he got a second chance at life with a kidney transplant, all of a sudden ALL LIFE seemed precious to him, to include this old tomcat, named Roscoe.
    We were all dreading this day, we knew it’d be hard for him.
    So, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry you had to see your friend go but find peace in knowing there is no more suffering. I keep saying that to myself….I loved Roscoe too. It was hard to tell the kids about grandpa’s kitty too…..they all loved him.
    So sorry :( Soo so sorry.

  8. Julie says

    Hey, I am sorry to hear about your cat. My husband and I adopted 2 kittens from an animal shelter last year and a week after we brought them home the boy(Whizby) passed away very suddenly and it was devastating. 2 months later we found out the little girl(Minnie, my little cuddle buddy) had an incurable disease and we had to watch her decline and then pass away 2 weeks after we found out about her disease. I held both of them for hours as they passed away because there was nothing the vet could do and they were not in pain. It was about the hardest thing I ever had to deal with since I had not been around death very much until then. I still cry thinking about my kitties.

  9. Laurie says

    Layla, I am so sorry about your loss. What a beautiful kitty, I love his colours. It’s a terrible thing for you to have to go through especially without your hubby. Remember the good times, the way he understood when you weren’t having a good day. We had the blessing of 19 years with our little man Marlow and we said goodbye over 4 years ago and as much as it hurts I am glad he was apart of our lives. Takecare Layla.