“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.”
―Brooke Hampton
May 19th will mark nine months since we brought our Sonny boy home. WOW! On one hand, it’s hard to believe it’s been that long, but on the other, there have been so many more emotions attached to each and every one of those days.
And now, when I think back on these eight months as a whole, it occurs to me that we experienced big shifts about every two months. The first two were pretty traumatic, the next two were pretty turbulent, and the two after that were tough…but noticeably less traumatic and less turbulent than the other four.
Months 7 and 8, however, felt a bit like a tipping point. Like all the little things we did to build trust throughout the first six, (many of which Steevenson fought against hard) have finally started to soak into his shaken little psyche. Praise the Lord!
We’re all still sleeping in our (king-sized) bed together, because he still struggles with fear of “people coming to get him” at night, and sleeping on the floor next to his twin-sized bed quickly got the best of our forty-two year old backs. 😛 Kevin and I usually take turns going to sleep with him (so that the other can go downstairs and work), but we do both go to bed with him at least a couple nights a week because Sonny always makes sure we remember that that’s his “favorite”. 🙂
The other night, after discovering that it was going to be a two-parent tuck-in night, he immediately pulled us in to a super tight family hug. He held us together by our necks so that our cheeks were pressed against his. He requested kisses, “lots of them”, on his head and face, and of course Kevin and I were happy to oblige. We told him we loved him so much, and that we were so happy he was our Sonny. We tell him that same thing at least a couple of times every day, and he usually tells us he loves us “so much!” too, but this time he responded with something different.
He pleaded, “Please protect me mama and daddy!”
It caught me off guard. There was so much fear and fragility in his voice. We hugged him harder and assured him that we would always protect him. We continued to cover his head in kisses and went on and on about how happy we were that God made him our Sonny.
His next question flattened us. He said, “You’re not going to throw me away?“.
My heart split. I swear, I literally felt it break in two. His face was still buried in our necks when he said it, and I have never in my life wanted to reassure someone so swiftly and so deeply as I did in that moment.
We spent the next several moments comforting him, (he also wanted to make sure we weren’t going to “throw him outside in the dark“) and after we read his favorite book, the three of us fell asleep in a pile on Kevin’s side of the bed.
He hasn’t said either sentence since, but we’ll be ready to reassure if he ever opens up in that way again.
_______________________________________________
So months 7 and 8 brought with them a little more trust, and lot more vulnerability, and what felt like beyond bone-deep healing for our wise, kind, beautiful, magical little human.
The enormity of the blessing and responsibility it is to parent him is not lost on me, and with each passing month, I feel even more passionately devoted to speaking Truth and pouring Love into him.
With everything in me, I want him to believe in permanence. I want him to believe in his preciousness. For what believes, is what he will be.
I needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing.
You are doing such a fantastic job! Keep up that amazing work mama! Also it’s different but homeopathy could REALLY help Sonny heal those emotional wounds so much faster and deeper. It’s incredible gentle and has no side effects. I’ve had incredible success in my life with it healing from post partum depression. Perhaps it’s worth investigating for your baby love. :). Good luck!!! You got this!
You do have this, Layla, and more importantly, God has it with you! I keep thinking of the hymn “Great is Thy Faithfulness” and this: “There is no shadow of turning with Thee. Thou changeth not, Thy compassions they fail not, As Thou hast been Thou forever will be.” What reassurance! The Cece Winan’s version is beyond awesome. And Larnelle Harris’ version of “His Eye Is On The Sparrow” would be good for Sonny to hear. I think it might help calm his fears. Keep up the great work! ❤️❤️❤️
You and Kevin were made for this exact moment.
Sonny has all the reasons in the world to trust and believe your words of love, protection and encouragement.
He is yours and you are his. Easy Peezy.
Hugs to you all.
I don’t think any of us realize just how fragile these orphans truly are. 11 years post adoption and my newly 14 year old daughter said in family counseling (for bullying issues) that she ” must have cried too much” and so her birth parents decided to abandon her. We have always told her we felt her bio parents were probably unable to afford the extensive medical treatment and felt an adoptive family was her only hope to survive. We thought she had accepted this explanation. We may never know the truth.
It sounds like you are doing everything right, and trust is being built. Just know the deepest hurt of abandonment is rarely fully healed, just mended.
Oh my, Amanda. I am so sorry she has been carrying that for so long, but so glad she was able to talk about it with you. Steevenson’s loss looks a little different because of something we will share with him when he’s older, but the last line of your comment really resonated with me, and I don’t know that I’ve ever thought about it in terms of our (earthly) wounds only being “mended” until you said it. Thank you for reminding me of that. I will be lifting up a special prayer of thankfulness for the eternal joy and complete healing we are given through Jesus today! 😀
I have been following your story, and this post brought tears to my eyes. You have taken on so much with your little boy, I can’t imagine the circumstances he has lived through and I know you must be reaching deep inside yourself every moment of every day in order to show him that he is loved and protected. It is wonderful to hear that you may have turned a corner and I just wanted to leave words of encouragement. Hope each day/week/month gets just a bit gentler for all of you. Sonny is so fortunate to have you both as his parents.
Well, I’ve got tears flowing down my cheeks. Stevenson is so lucky to have you two. I don’t think we’ll ever understand God’s plans, but thank goodness he put you 3 together. Parenting is hard, but the smile of a little one erases any hardships.
I wonder if Sonny needs to see more “long term” families. Point out to him that families stay together. Parents with kids of 10-year-olds, and 15-year-olds, and adult children. That families don’t come and go. They don’t pick and choose, that it’s a forever promise. More secure than any other promise…parent/child…. forever.