Me: Guess what?
You: Chicken butt.
Me: No, really, guess what?
You: I give up. What?
Me: I haven’t seen my Mr. in almost two months.
You: Holy guacamole! Where’s he been?
Me: Rock n’ rollin’.
You: But I thought you were afraid of being alone at night?
Me: Oh yeah, I’m a panicker for sure. I just sorta took a great big breath when he left, and always made sure the TV was always on Disney or HGTV. (a.k.a. my two favorite channels that don’t ever show scary movie trailers.)
——————————————————————————————————-
He’s coming home today, and I cannot wait to finally e x h a l e………..
(And sleep with the all the lights off again.)
The house he’s coming home to is a little different than the one he left though.
On March 31st I had to say goodbye to our cat, Mr. Bean…
It was absolutely heartwrenching.
The two of us had spent a lot of time going back and forth to the vet during March. He stopped eating, and he was dropping weight like crazy. The first time around, they pulled one of his teeth (they said it was infected) and hooked him up to IV to get him rehydrated. The second time around, they hooked him up to another IV, did an ultrasound, and put him on three different medications. The prognosis wasn’t good, but he did show signs of improvement after a few days, so I took him home and watched YouTube videos about how to give cats pills. Three times a day, for the next week, I straddled his bath towel-wrapped body, nervously pryed his jaws apart and forced multi-colored pills inside his (growling) mouth. It was awful. For him, more than me, I’m sure. Eventually, I got him to eat a teeny tiny bit of soft cat food, but just when I thought he might be getting better, he took a major turn for the worse.
He was a shell of a cat the day I called his Dr. with what turned out to be the final update of his condition.
“You’ve done everything you could“, she replied, “It’s time to say goodbye.”
My knees went weak and I felt a huge lump form in my throat. I was afraid to talk because I didn’t want to open the floodgates, but I think she picked up on it because she did most of the talking after that. I listened to her explain the process, and our options, and just tried with all my might not to sob.
The next few days were pretty rough, especially since Kev was gone, but I know Bean was in a lot of pain and I absolutely hated seeing him like that.
He was an amazing and beautiful cat, and we’ll all miss him very much…
…especially the mama that rescued him at a grocery store…13 years ago.
PS- I published this post by Bean not that long ago, and I’ll always smile when I think about all the crazy places he used to sleep.
Ashley
My husband is a military man and every time he leaves, regardless of whether it’s a 13 month deployment or a weekend training, I feel like I can’t fully catch my breath. I wrote a blogpost about it once and my friends thought I was crazy, so I’m glad to know there’s someone else out there who feels the same. I’m so sorry about your kitty. It always seems like the most heartwrenching things happen when I’m alone too. I think it’s God’s way of telling me that I’m a strong person on my own and I can do difficult things. ((HUGS!))
Megan
I’m so sorry to hear about your cat. It’s rough when they’re so sick and it just makes me ill when they’re too sick to nurse back to health. What a lucky cat to have you guys as owners!
Chelsy
Oh Layla, I am so sorry. I’m glad your Honey is coming home to comfort you 🙂
Amber of Hawthorn and Holly
Layla I’m so sorry you had to go through this alone. 🙁 But your strength amazes me and I hope that when Kevin comes home the two of you will rejoice in the life you gave Mr. Bean! ((((((virtual hugs))))))
Michelle "Chaos Caretaker"
I am heartsick for you. We had to let go of our beloved dachshund in December. There is never a replacement, only distraction. I think I am finally able to look back at her antics and smile instead of mourn her loss.
It is never fun when a key member of your team is absent even if it is both necessary and understandable. You guys are an amazing and supportive couple. So glad to hear the team is reunited. If you find yourself alone again, shoot me an email and I will bring reinforcements!
MommaHen
oh man. That’s tough . I still remember my parents putting my all time favorite kitty, pierre, to sleep. He had feline leukemia, of all things….
so sorry.
Cindy Logan
Two months is a long time for a husband and wife to be apart, and then to have a pet die on top of it is a bit much. Glad Kevin will be home today and I hope he doesn’t have to travel again for such a long period of time.
Katie
I’m so sorry for your loss of Mr Bean. We recently lost our 15 yr old cat, Sam. The circumstances pretty much mirror your experience. After some time, I started going to the Humane Society, and one day a beautiful grey cat said, “Please take me home.” So I did. Smokey Bear is a delight. Life is filled with love and loss. I’m happy for you that hubby is coming home. I so enjoy your blog.
AmyG
Layla and Kevin,
My heart is with you – been there a year ago last October. Our Beeper was 20 1/2 years old. He was a kindergarten graduation gift for our daughter from my brother. He was here through her grade school, middle school, high school and college years. My constant companion for 20 1/2 years. I bottle fed him from three weeks old. It was like he was fine one day and by the end of the week, we were saying good-bye. I needed a large box of kleenex for sure. Hugs sent your way and Mr. Bean is your guardian angel.
Funky Junk Interiors
So sorry for your loss, Layla. My cats are both pretty much in their 20’s so… I can’t go there yet.
When I was first divorced, it took me a good long while to adjust to not being afraid of the dark. Then one day, I just started trusting my home to take care of us. Double check doors at night, etc. I don’t think much about that any longer so I suppose it’s a mind thing. Oh right… but I do think about it for one moment when I find an exterior door WIDE open in the AM! 🙂
Donna
Patsy
I’m so sorry for your loss of Mr. Bean. I know how difficult that is. I have to bring one of my cats, Minew, to be put to sleep on Wednesday. She has terminal thyroid cancer and it’s time. I rescued her after someone abandoned her on a desolate road one cold February night. She’s been a wonderful companion and very good house cat. It’s going to break our heart to lose her.
Because we do rescue work, we unfortunately replay this scenerio more than the average person and one thing for sure, it never gets any easier.
Take care.
DK
I’m so sorry… I can’t even imagine how hard it will be when we have to give our dogs back.
Tina K
I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet kitty. You gave him a long, wonderful life and I know he’s in a better place now. It’s so hard to let the little buggers go (we lost 2 cats within the past year). Glad your hubby is coming home today to help you through it. Big hug from north Alabama.
Kim
Layla, now you have me crying again. My seventeen year old long haired orange tabby passed away on April 9. It is so hard letting a pet go. He had wasted away to nothing, too. So sorry for your loss.
Rachel
I’m so sorry. You were a great cat mom and I know he appreciated being so loved!
Alima
I have tears streaming down my face. I am so sorry you had to go through that, especially without Kevin. I went through a similar situation with my dog and it is absolutely heartwrenching.
I am glad that bean isn’t in pain anymore and I am so glad that you get to see Kevin today!
Hugs! 🙂
Anne R.
As I read your post, I couldn’t help but tearing up. What a wonderful post and a beautiful tribute to Mr. Bean. It was 2 1/2 years ago that I made the heart-wrenching decision to put down my 20 year old cat. It was sooo hard, but I knew I had made the right decision as well. What wonderful and full life she lead. It’s always hard to loose a cherished member of your family, especially one you have loved for so many years. Know that you brought a lot of love and a wonderful life to your sweet kitty!
Thank you for your daily inspiration and reminding us that even that even the smallest creatures can bring an incredible source of love and joy to our lives.
God Bless You!
Claudia
I am sorry for dear Bean. He sounds like a great kitty. And I am glad your husband is home today. Sending you good thoughts.
Kristin
Layla and Kevin, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is one of the most heart wrenching things you can go through. They become part of your family, and I can tell by the beautiful photos you have of him, that you loved him very much. So glad your hubby is coming home and you can grieve together.
Katie
Oh, how we love our furr-babies. Thinking of you – and the cat who was so lucky to have you as his mama.
Courtney H.
I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet baby. This made me tear up… I was holding it in since I’m at work. I understand the bond between a person and their animals since I adopted by two babies from the Humane Society. The pictures you got of Mr. Bean were wonderful though. What a way to remember him! This makes me want to take good pictures of my two little rascals. Hugs from Birmingham!! So glad Kevin is coming home today!
Erin
Layla, I am SO sorry to read about Bean! My heart aches for you. I have two kitties and I know that day will come for me too and it will break my heart as well.
I’m glad your hubby is coming home today though!! That’s great news! 🙂
Laura@JourneyChic
Layla, I’m so sorry for your loss. It such a tough decision to make, but usually the right one. Growing up, I had a cat that looked very much like Mr. Bean, and he suffered what seems like the same fate (sudden weight loss, tooth problems). Turns out he had a cancerous tumor in his mouth, the poor thing. I’ll never forget going to the vet with him for the last time. I”m glad that your hubby will be home soon, because you need a hug!
Dawn
Layla,
I am so sorry for the loss of such a sweet gift. I feel like pets are one of the sweetest ways our Father loves us in the physical. Their love is so pure and unconditional and constant. We give so much to them and they give so much back to us. You were lucky to have each other… and he knew that very much. Sending you a blog hug… hoping you can feel it.
Into Vintage
I’m so sorry to hear about your beautiful Bean — always heartbreaking to lose a member of our animal family. Your lovely photos are a wonderful tribute to your sweet friend. Wishing you comfort and happy to hear you’ll be reunited with Mr. 🙂
SuzyMcQ
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Bean. He’s in my prayers…….
shannon
So Sorry about your loss. I had to put my cat to sleep a few years ago and last year I sat on the living room floor with our Golden Retriever petting her as she slipped away – (she basically had a heart attack and could not be revived), its very sad – like losing a family member. My thoughts are with you today.
Kelly G
From one loving pet owner to another I send you my condolences. Pets come in our lives and touch our heart so profoundly that their loss can be stifling. He is gone but not forgotten. I found solice in poetry from other pet lovers. Here is one for you.
Take care
The one best place to bury a good friend
is in the heart of its master.
~Ben Hur Lampman
Elisabeth
There are really no words to describe the pain you must be feeling. Plus to be magnified by having to do it alone! I’m so glad Kevin is coming back so that you may find comfort in each other. You gave Mr. Bean a wonderful and full life and that is something that will always bring joy. We are commanded to be the caretaker of the animals and you did your job! Blessings to you all.
Bette @ Frugal Mom x3
Oh Layla, so sorry about your loss. I had to make the difficult decision to say goodbye to our dog about 1 year and a half ago, and I felt I couldn’t breath for weeks on end. I still miss him so much. I just keep reminding myself that I did it for him, because he was in sooo much pain. A friend told me that everytime I felt a breeze on my face, that it was my dog Muskoka letting me know that he was with me in spirit. It made me smile everytime I felt or feel a breeze.
Kirsty
Layla,
Sending (((BIG HUGS))) to you…I empathize completely with everything you talked about today, and spent the entire time reading your post nodding my head, with tears in my eyes….I am a Navy Spouse, so I deal with the comings-and-goings of my guy too. We are getting ready for him to leave on a 7 month long deployment in July. There’s nothing like the day your guy gets back after a long time away. Enjoy your precious time together and, yes, *exhale* ~ also, so sorry to hear about your gorgeous Mr Bean. It’s truly heartbreaking dealing with the loss of a furry-family-member. Sending Love & Light your way ~ Kirsty xoxo
Kate Wall
It’s so hard to say goodbye to part of the family, especially when the hubby isn’t home to hold your hand. At least Mr. Bean was loved during his happy life with you, and he will always remember that. He was loved.
GinaE
Sending you lots of prayers and yellow light to help you through your loss of Bean. I have a house full of “old folks” right now. It is always soooo hard to have to say good bye when the time comes. They really are my kids to me, as your kitty was to you. So glad your guy will be home soon. Enjoy the homecoming!!
Katy Lunsford
Oh Layla, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Christine
So sorry for you loss! Saying good bye to pets is the worst.
On a lighter note, I am extremely happy to hear that I am not the only one who leaves their TV on Disney and HGTV. It brings me comfort to know that I never have to wince through a commercial…or mute it so I’m not scared out of my mind when I’m alone 🙂
Have a good day with the Mister!
Wendy
So sorry for your loss. Bean was beautiful and very loved. Bean looks like our beloved Shelby’s long-lost twin. Sadly, we lost Shelby in March as well. She would have turned 18 this past Friday. We miss her and her sister very much. Glad your husband will be home soon. Hugs, Wendy
Allyson
I’m so sorry for what you both went through and for your loss. I’ve been there and know it isn’t easy. The only consolation is that he isn’t suffering anymore. Love, light and prayers are sent your way.
tinajo
Oh, I´m so sorry – I always tear up when reading about things like this. Been through it twice and it was awful both times, but your vet is right; you do all you can and then you have to let go. 🙁
Linda
Layla, I’m very sorry for your loss of Mr Bean sincerely, Linda
Sara
Layla, I am so sorry about Mr. Bean. I know it is hard losing a pet. I’m sure you gave him the best life he could’ve had!
Yay for Kevin coming home! I know you’re tired of the Disney channel 😉
Chrissy
I’m so sorry about your loss. He was a beautiful kitty too. If anything, at least he isn’t suffering anymore. =(
At least your hubby will be home soon! Totally know how that feels… I usually leave the tv on hgtv or food channel and all the lights on too when I’m home alone.
Beth
Oh, you’re sweet, sweet kitty. I’m so sorry. I’m all choked up right now. Losing a pet is the worst.
And I am just like you. I HATE to sleep alone. Lights on. I check the doors several times to make sure they’re locked. And if something goes “bump” in the night, I freak! Glad your hubby is coming home and you can snuggle in his warm, safe arms tonight.
Amanda
I’m so sorry about your sweet Mr. Bean, and that you had to go through that alone. We have a 14.5 yr old lab mix and a 14 yr old cat, and I know our time will come for this, too, sooner rather than later.
It will be so good to have your guy home again!
Laura
I’m glad Kevin is on his way home soon but sorry about Bean…chin up.
Deborah
I’m so sad for your loss of Mr. Bean. I glad that you have so many pictures of him. They can be a gentle reminder of your friend when your heart remembers him (and aches a little, too). I’m really glad Kevin is coming home so you can both grieve together for the loss of your friend.
It’s funny, we’ve never met but I feel like I should know you. You inspire me, sweetie. Be sure to give Maximus extra love and attention. I’m sure he will feel the loss of Bean.
Peace be yours…
Leslie
I am so sorry about Mr. Bean. I haven’t had to make the decision to relieve a pet’s suffering yet (my parents have made those decisions until I got out on my own), and I tear up when I think that I may have to with one of my two kitties one day. I pray that the wonderful memories of him will continue to overcome the sadness of his absence.
Delta Whiskey
Oh, Layla. I’m so sorry to hear about Mr. Bean. We adopted our Gomer Pyle a few days before my husband’s first deployment and he was my partner for many years, we lost him 2 years ago and the pain still hits me like a ton of bricks.
I’m praying for you…
Deb-IL
Oh, (((Layla))) I’m so sorry for your loss. Our furbabies become as much our family as humans do. You and Kevin provided Mr Bean with love and a wonderful life for 13 years and at some point the memories will give comfort and the ache will soften.
Teresa
Thinking of you with much sympathy and compassion for your loss – and so happy your love will be home to bring some joy back into your life!!
warm hugs from lower alabama
xoxox
Fairfield House
Layla,
I am sorry to hear this sad news. Unfortunately, I know from experience, how hard it is to ‘do the right thing’ for your animal. If I could, I’d reach out from this MacBook and give you a big hug. I’ve never been without a cat or two. A favorite quote explains why:
I love cats because I love my home and after a while they become its visible soul. ~Jean Cocteth
Your Friend,
Deborah