“If you could write a note to the you from a year ago, to prepare for the year ahead, what would you say?”
―Ali Nelson
(art: Ali Makes Things)
Boy would that be a long note for me! #TransitionTrauma #FiguringOutFamily
One (less life-changing, just-wish-I-would’ve-prepared-more-for-that) part of it might read something like…
Dear January 2017 Layla,
You will bring your Sonny home in exactly 8 months and life is going to get reeeeeally…different. DEEP CLEAN THE HOUSE NOW. You will not have the energy to do it after August 19th, and by the time January 19th rolls around, you will have stains in your toilets that will likely never come off. And that stack of stuff on the kitchen island? It will multiply, and by January 19th, you won’t be able to see or use the countertop next to your sink anymore. Oh, and your messy bedroom? Yeah, that’s just going to get worse…way worse…so you should definitely do something about that right now too. Don’t even get me started on your baseboards. You know they’re not supposed to be fuzzy, right?
Signed,
January 2016 Layla
How about you? Anything you wish you had been more prepared for?
Off to think about cleaning. Just kidding, it’s way past my bedtime again. 😉
Layla
Karlene
In looking back at the past year in your life, along with bringing Sonny home and creating a family that let him feel safe and oh so loved ( and what a huge responsibility that proved to be, ) you also added some rather large tasks to your plate. Building a home for your in laws and seeing to every detail and starting your Luluroe business! With all you had on your to do list if the house work lacked some attention, so be it! You had just had more important work to do! The worst part about housework is that once it’s done, wait a few days and it needs it again!!!? So what amazing things will you tell yourself in January of 2018?
Layla
Ain’t that the truth, Karlene! It *does* always just need to be done again! 😀 I guess I just wish I had done it one good time before Sonny got home. He seems to appreciate and feel more inspired in tidier environments too. :-/
Stephanie
Mine would read….Cancer is coming but it’s going to be ok 🙂
Karlene
Stephanie, so sorry to hear what life threw at you, but WOW, your attitude amazes me.
Cathy Hitt
Attitude is everything Stephanie and it sounds like you are already on the right track! I will be praying for you.
Jeremiah 29:11
Cathy
Julie
Prayers and strength to you, Stephanie.
Gail
Be praying for you Stephanie. Try to stay positive.
kristin
Wow. Praying for you Stephanie!
Nanette
Sounds like you are kicking cancer’s ass Stephanie…sending you thoughts of strength to continue doing so until it is no more. Wishing you an amazing 2017!
Layla
Joining with the rest of the commenters who have said they will be lifting you up in prayer, Stephanie! XO
Pam
“Settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”
This sweet saying was on the wall at my ob/gyn’s office.
I consider it some of the very best “Mom” advice I ever received (Twenty-six years ago!)
Sonny won’t remember fuzzy baseboards, but he will remember the happy times spent with you!
Nanette
Love that, and it’s so true.
Layla
That was so sweet, Pam! 😀 Sonny does seem to respond more positively to cleaner/tidier spaces, but maybe he won’t notice the fuzzy baseboards for a while. 😉
Amy
Mine would read: You really don’t have to take a full graduate course load two months after having a baby. Try just one class. Slow down. For the sake of your family.
Carrie
Ha! This is SO true. I’m going back to work after nine years of being home and I’m trying to get EVERYTHING done before the crazy starts.
Donna Doble Brown
Layla,
You have mastered the important stuff like a trooper! There will ALWAYS be dust bunnies, and I do mean ALWAYS soooo just send them some love too!
?
Layla
Thank you, Donna. I’m just concerned about how BIG the dust bunnies are getting. Not *too* concerned though. 😉
Julie
Mine would say; the love of your life will leave you and move into the new house that you’ve picked out together. He is seeing someone else, you just don’t know it yet. He is cheating and telling you so many lies. You won’t believe it at first. And then you’ll think it’s some kind of crises that he’ll get over. And then you’ll slowly come to realize that the person you’ve loved and trusted more than anyone on earth, is capable of treating you worse than you’d ever thought imaginable or that he would ever be capable of. That your life that you’d envisioned together, is no longer. But you’ll also become closer to God. And He will never fail you. You will make new friends through Him. Your grown kids will be there for you in any way possible. You will learn new things about yourself and you will grow in directions that you haven’t imagined. You will continue to hurt for a long time. And you will be forever changed. You will fear the unknown, but you will learn to embrace it. And time will heal. You’re not there yet, but just maybe you can begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel. You will start to believe in yourself again. And not blame yourself. And you will eventually know in your heart, that you are indeed enough.
Lisa
Hugs.
kristin
I am so sorry to hear Julie that you had to go through that. However, it sounds like you are triumphing in this situation. Your letter is beautifully written and it sounds like you have so much to be grateful for in the wake of the storm.
Nanette
I’m sorry for the loss and pain you’ve experienced Julie…but your path was meant to turn away from him, and now you’re facing forward with adventures, love, friendship and contentment laying ahead, just waiting to cross paths with you. Keep moving forward…and keep your chin up high…don’t give him the power of being able to lower it. From a total stranger…sending you empathy, kindness and hutzpah to kick some ass in 2017…like Stephanie above is doing. 🙂
Erin
I’m sorry to hear this but can relate. My husband also left and was cheating. It was devastating. I never thought I would be a single mom with 3 little kids but I’m here. I will own my truth. I’ve seen so many miracles this year though and understand what it means to know God. We women are strong. My motto is “Life is tough but I’m tougher.” Praying for you Julie. You have a spot on my prayer wall.
Layla
Thank you for sharing your heart and personal struggle with us, Julie and Erin. I love the line, “Life is tough, but I’m tougher”. I’m going to post that somewhere in our house, and I’ll be lifting y’all up in prayer tonight too. XO
Sherry
Mine would also read cancer is coming but it will be OK. You will be amazed at the love and support you receive from family and friends. You will find out that you do not have to be super woman or super Christian when you get connected with other women that have been through the same thing. You will find out it’s OK to have a down day now and then and it’s OK to cry when your hair is falling out from chemo. It doesn’t mean that you are not strong. You will also find out that having what’s left of your hair shaved off is not nearly as difficult as having it fall out and that it’s OK and even kind of fun to do the unexpected and skip the wigs and wear all kinds of hats. And finally, you will learn from this experience and find ways to help other women who go through it the same way you have been helped.
kristin
Prayers for you Sherry!
Sherry
Thank you!
Nanette
I think you sound like a pretty amazing woman Sherry….conquering cancer and it’s effects one day at a time. Wishing you the best in year ahead.
Sherry
Thank you!
Layla
So inspired by your attitude, Sherry! And this really resonated with me, “You will find out that you do not have to be super woman or super Christian when you get connected with other women that have been through the same thing”. SO true! Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us, and thank you for being such a LIGHT in the world! XO
LouAnn
I’m in the next stage of life and my youngest will be off to college next fall.
Savor the time with your Sonny and be “All-In” for him!
Do you want his memories to be of a clean house or a fun mom?
I will tell you that from experience I regret not being much fun.
God Bless!
Layla
Well, of course I want his memories to be of a fun mom, but I have noticed that he seems happier/more inspired by a tidier environment. There’s just not enough hours in the day, ya know? 🙂
Alayne
Layla, you should consider hiring someone to clean once a week or once a month. It will be well worth it (and probably not as expensive as you imagine)!
jennibell
Layla, I “get” what you are saying. . .a clean, organized environment is better for everyone! I think you are just looking for balance and systems. . .those will come with time. And change. And change again 🙂 I know that I cannot cook in a dirty kitchen. I just can’t. I have been known to call ahead before I come home and say, “if you all want dinner tonight the kitchen better be clean when I get there”. . .but, for whatever reason, laundry can pile up and never bother me. Do what is best for your family, I think what everyone here is saying is not to let it be #1 — Jesus and that sweet family He gave you should be!! Time, like money, needs to be budgeted 😉
Kris
As another mom who came to parenthood later in life, I found it difficult to take a step back and “let it go” with the ongoing clutter/messiness that parenthood inevitably brings … I feel your pain! I was used to a tidy, orderly household. Parenting rocks your world, no doubt!
Debbie
Layla, one day Steevenson will grow up and be gone. Your everyday chores will remain.
Cherish this time you have with him and don’t worry so much about what isn’t getting done. My Life Lesson.
Layla
Oh, I know. I just feel like the mess is getting a little out of control at this point, and Steevenson seems so much more content in/inspired by a tidier environment. One day he jumped out of bed and started to pick up all the clothes in our bedroom so he could shove them in the washing machine. After that he cleaned off our nightstands! 🙂 I need to find just a little time each day to pick up in at least one room. I think that would help.
sarita
i wouldnt write myself a letter because i might chance something. in changing anything my life would be different. i would miss out on everything thats made me who i am..no life is perfect. mine has included death of both parents,death of my husband,now having heart failure. my lifealso includes having two great sons, 2 wonderful DILs ,5 (!) grands. wonderful friends in real life and on social media,hospice job…so..no letter to myself..my life is mine. ?
Layla
Oh, no, I think that quote was asking what you would’ve written to *prepare yourself* for 2016. Not if there was anything you would’ve *changed* about 2016. The answer may still be no for you, but I just wanted to clarify. XO
Sunni
Mine would say ” yes, the rebuilding of your home after the Christmas fire WILL finally be finished and you will love it! Your daughter will graduate from high school with Highest Honors and get into the college of her choice with scholarships enough to cover her first year – yay!! BUT – you will leave the school where you have taught your entire career to take a dream job, only to see that job disappear after only 3 months due to budget constraints. You will go on unemployment and try to support you and your daughter as you search, as a 58-year old woman, for a job. As your unemployment begins to run out, you will still be searching, but God will keep whispering, I’m here and will provide. Hold tight.”
Layla
Adding you to my prayer list, Sunni. And you’re right, He will *always* be there whispering if we just take the time to listen! XO
jennibell
What a letter! I wonder what the one looking back on 2017 will look like?
rose l.
At my age and with the health problems I have endured since last May, I find it impossible to plan a week let alone a whole year. I just do day to day and pray. I would think that even when young, planning a month would be far easier than a whole year. I give you props!
Layla
Hi Rose 🙂 That quote was actually about what you might have written (in January 2016) to prepare yourself for something that ended up happening later in 2016, but I’m with you on the planning stuff. It’s impossible for me to plan very far ahead. I have to take it day to day. I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow, ya know?
Sabrina
Mine would say “Go easy on yourself.”
I think I should write that to present me too 🙂
Jan
Life does not always go the way you think it should, but remind myself, life goes the right way. God knows best!
Tanya at EverAfterCottage
Mine would say, “You’re going to be a grandma again. Put money aside so you can go hold that baby. It’s going to be a really hard year financially. Be smart and know that it will all turn out okay. Take your kids to the lake early in the summer, because late summer is going to be all kinds of crazy. It’s okay to find time to create – the housework will be there later when you don’t have creative energy left. It’s okay to say no. Practice now because you’re going to need to do this a lot this year. Breathe.”
Diane
Oh my…Hugs and prayers to all the amazing ladies struggling here, tears are flowing as I read your stories. And Layla, wait……baseboards aren’t supposed to be fuzzy?!!
Jane D
For Layla:
Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there.
Ours boasts of it quite openly, the signs are everywhere!
For smears are on the windows and little smudges are on the door.
I should apologize, I guess, for the toys shrewn on the floor.
But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read;
and if the doorbell doesn’t shine, their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I’m forced to choose the one job or the other . . .
I want to be a housewife – but first I’ll be a mother!
My days of having a wee one in the house are past. Unless grandchildren come along but I remember this poem from when my first was a baby.
Message to me a year ago? Keep your focus on God first, marriage second, family then others. Lean on God to rein in your tongue. Start eating healthier today! Smile more.
Ria
My note to me would be looked at with a cocked eyebrow, and a whispered, “who the heck does the writer think they are?” Mine would have said, “Your youngest son will be in the news due to a drug induced psychotic break in the town where you live, but you won;t know any of this, because your exhusband will fail to be bothered to let you know, plus you will be overseas again. Whilst over there you will be severely ill, have doubts about your abilities in the relationship and come home to your son in the psychiatric unit begging to come live with you. Didn’t see that coming did you? Oh, and by the way, the relationship you always wanted to go somewhere finally looks like it is, but you are going to be so full of doubt and concerns you will think it is a dream. Oh, and the doozy of this time next year in 2017 your cancer is playing games again. Nah, the REAL doozy is that Donald Trump will be inaugurated today January 20th 2017. Now, do you really think life is so bad at the moment in January 2016? I bet you think this note to yourself is just a glass too many of wine writing this night, hey? Get ready, girl, you are going to need every ounce of will power, faith, strength and hope. Your son will test you, but you will pull through. Your man will love you and you will learn from that. As for Donald Trump, let’s just hope your country Australia doesn’t get too much flack and the dollar stays high. God knows our economy is failing badly. Have a good year and have lots of tissue boxes on hand; you’re going to need them.”
…sigh…….
Layla
Oh, no- I don’t think “life is so bad at this moment in January 2017”. I’m sorry if that’s the way the wording in my post came across. Like the artwork up there suggested, I was just thinking about things I would’ve liked to have been more prepared for. I didn’t mention the “heavier” issues (just had fun with the cleaning one), but I can totally relate to one of the struggles you mentioned. I’m thankful for the reminder to pray for that person tonight, and I will include you and your son in that prayer as well. XO
Katy Galloway
January 19th, 2016 Katy,
That baby you’re expecting at the end of March, he’s coming in about a week. Don’t panic! You will learn so much through this experience! You will learn what an amazing community you have- they will feed you, pay for your gas to travel to him in the NICU in another state, they will cloth him and even clean your house! You will learn how strong you are as a mother, your heart will grow, you will help others through this experience and you will be amazed by this part of your story!
Love
January 19th, 2017 Katy
PS- the joke about Donald Trump running for president won’t turn out so funny.
julianna
Layla, it’s great that you’ve noticed your son functions better in a tidier environment and that you’re wanting to make some changes for his sake. I would suggest coming up with some simple routines that he can actually help you with — could be daily tasks (like after dinner we spend 15 minutes picking up clutter) or it could be a different task each day (for example, Monday we vacuum). Kids that age usually love to feel helpful, and even though a lot of things take longer with them helping, it’s a lot more fun. I don’t know if it would be appropriate in your situation, but he might even get a kick out of a chore chart with all three of your names on it.
Angie
I don’t get a lot of time to read blogs these days but I did stop to read this post and all the comments. Just want to say what a wonderful community you have created here, Layla. So many supportive and caring words to you and to the other commenters. What a beautiful thing.
My house is an absolute wreck. Not like the kind of wreck when people say, “Oh my gosh my house is such a mess!” and you look around and it’s like magazine-ready. Mine is an ACTUAL mess. Kids toys strewn “from hell to breakfast” (as my mom used to say), papers everywhere, garage stuffed to the gills with stuff waiting to be Craigslist-ed. I feel your pain. About 18 months ago I hired housekeepers to come ~1/month and it is a lifesaver. (I could use them every week, but hubs is not going for that). No one ever wants to talk money but just for reference, I pay $115 for 3 ladies to come and they do it all. My house is about 2600 sq ft. I feel like that’s a screamin deal and I usually tip them. I know prices vary a lot from town to town, but thought it might be useful for people wondering how much it might cost. When my kids are older and can help out a bit more I will try to wean myself off the service (although I admit I might be addicted now).
Rebecca
I don’t think I have ever commented on your blog, even though I have followed it for years! But I had to hop on and join with a couple of other ladies to say..they have people who are fuzzy baseboard masters! They come in and whiz through your house and will shine whatever you tell them! When I did this, my life got infinitely better! Okay…infinitely is maybe too strong a word, but still! It really helped me a lot. Because the fuzzies have a hard time gathering if someone comes and cleans them once a month. It’s only $100 and my cleaning superwoman only cleans my main floor and a bathroom in the basement…but wow! What a difference it makes! I feel like having a party when she leaves (except I don’t because I don’t want to mess it up!)
I have 4 kidlets, so I get it! It’s hard to feel peaceful when the house isn’t sparkling. At least a little. Even if you just hired someone one time and not again until the fuzzies had accumulated. Worth every dime! ❤️
jennibell
I am loving this post and all the comments! What a great idea Layla. Sometimes, I think, it’s good not to know what is coming — you can go ahead and enjoy your time until the diagnosis, arrest, desertion, etc. I think we all think we’d like to see it coming but probably not really. I like the looking back, though, because I am learning from some of these letters — that we really only have this moment and not to take tomorrow for granted. As for you wanting to have done that deep clean — you would have sacrificed something else in that time. . .and whatever you did made a difference in another way. So, if the deep clean is important you’ll figure out a way to do it!
My letter would say. . .”You’ll do it again, Jenni. You are swearing off school in this winter of 2016 but when you start another job search in the spring you will still dabble in looking at schools. . .and God will give you another opportunity in another classroom and you will take it. This is what you will give up: (list it all here!) so think long and hard before you tell this new school “yes”. I know you will listen to your family and your heart — I’m just also asking you to look at what you sacrifice every time you go back into the full-time classroom. And let me warn you, this is the *perfect* job, in every way. . .except, of course, you are giving up. . .”
Cami
Hey girl,
Prepare to have life upended. Pray. Trust. God is in control, even when circumstances make you feel otherwise.
‘Nuff said,
Future self
Cami
And to the point about tidiness, makes perfect sense that S would prefer a “quieted”, tidied house as it might be visually overstimulating for him (whether it’s a personality preference or due to his past); so good for you for recognizing what he needs to feel calm. You go momma!
Terri G
Ever thought about hiring a regular professional housecleaner? My husband and I have had a crew clean our house every other week for many years. We pay $83 per cleaning session, which usually lasts 2-3 hours. For us, it’s money well spent. We don’t have any kids, but we both work full-time and prefer to spend our downtime/weekends having fun, not dusting shelves or mopping floors!