“You gotta nourish to flourish.”
-Unknown
(*Scroll to the bottom of this post if you’d rather hear me read it instead!)
I’ve been thinking (and writing) a lot about practical ways to combat the catastrophic thoughts and feelings that can eat up so much of an anxiety sufferer’s day. If you’ve struggled with anxiety or panic you know it takes work, real hard work, to make sure that things like imagination, wonder, curiosity, enthusiasm, spontaneity, and passion don’t always take a back seat to the overwhelming (and sometimes unexpected) fear that can creep up inside of us and keep us stuck in a scary and debilitating trauma loop.
My therapist says one practical way is to be intentional about self-care. Not the kind that looks like going out to dinner, or curling up with a good book, or getting a mani/pedi. The kind that involves getting to know yourself better. The self-care that involves learning more about your temperament so that you can identify triggers, plan accordingly, and help lessen stress. It’s about finding a way to decompress throughout your day, not just when you’re out at dinner, or curled up on the couch, or when you’re getting your hands or feet rubbed. It’s about refreshing your mind and body, not just your nails. It’s about filling more than your belly with good food. It’s about re-filling your brain with good things that it may be starving for, too.
Self-care is about being intentional about combating the things that drain us by identifying and implementing things that will refuel us.
(source)
Here’s a short list of self-care suggestions that have been helpful for me, personally. Maybe they’ll be helpful for someone else out there too?
1. Slow down. I’m a busy body. Not because I’m Type A, or task-oriented, or an overachiever…no, mostly because I have a short attention span and I have found that I’m most creative (and have the most energy) between 8am and 6pm. I’m worthless outside those hours (not really, but you know what I mean), so I do a little bit of a lot of different things during those 10 hours. And although I wouldn’t trade my work for the world, unfortunately, in my case, that usually means producing a whole lot of content, content, content, but not always producing a whole lot of content, content, content. I’m not saying I don’t love my job, I’m just saying one way for me to practice self-care is to slow down enough to really feel the fun in it. It’s part of the reason I gave myself permission to share stories about people and places and my passions (not my projects!) this year. I still work passionately to create content that (hopefully) inspires, informs and/or entertains, but I’m also intentional about sharing in a way that feels like a refueling for me, too.
2. Let go of ‘no’.
I know a lot of folks have a hard time saying ‘no’ but saying it isn’t the problem for me. I’m an introvert. Meaning, I love to hang out with people but, unlike an extrovert who is energized by spending time with others, I require an equal amount of alone time to recharge. Another reason I don’t have a hard time saying ‘no’ is because my social anxiety has gradually intensified because my fear of having a panic attack has also steadily grown. Why? Because my panic-related symptoms have multiplied over the years. My attacks used to just feel like heightened anxiety but, nowadays, symptoms include, but aren’t limited to: dizziness, equilibrium issues, vision and hearing issues, sky-high blood pressure, rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, hyperventilation, paralysis of my extremities, etc.) and simply knowing those symptoms could spiral out of control in inopportune times has made it more and more difficult to be a part of and/or stay regulated in social situations.
That said, feeling bad about having to say ‘no’ is what troubles me. I believe we are better together (after all, it is why we’re here!) so not always being able to love and serve in person (like I used to) can stir up frustrating and belittling feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
To combat them, I practice self-care which looks like:
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- Giving myself grace on days that I feel like I need to say ‘no’.
- Being enthusiastically grateful for days that I feel empowered to say ‘yes’.
I make a conscious and genuine effort, sometimes out loud, to let myself off the hook if I feel like I need to say ‘no’ to something or someone. In other words, I reassure myself that it’s okay to put my oxygen mask on first in order to help my struggling inner child find fresh air. I also keep a journal-style calendar on my desk so that I can keep track of my good and bad days. I like finding patterns and seeing that, regardless of what the negative voices in my head would like for me to believe, anxiety doesn’t win every day. Some days, lots of days actually, I am still able to release fear by tapping into the power of the Spirit inside me. The enemy would love for me to not remember how often I am able to do that, so I feel like it’s super important to be openly, outwardly, enthusiastically grateful for that gift. And besides, some ‘no’ responses might just need to be a ‘no for now’. God knows your heart. He sees you caring for the self He created.
3. Recall my “moment mercy mantra”. I don’t really call it that, but I had to come up with a way to tell you about it. 😉 Recently, my therapist and I talked about the truth that is revealed in Lamentations 3:22-23.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.
Did you catch that? Every morning we all awake to new mercies. New possibilities, new opportunities, a fresh chance to connect with and love ourselves and others. But here’s what is REALLY helpful for us anxious folks: there’s not only mercy on the other side of each day, there’s also mercy on the other side of each and every moment. So, sometimes, self-care is repeating this phrase:
There are mercies on the other side of this moment.
If I’m feeling anxious, I’ll say or think about it, several times, and as you can probably imagine, there are always new mercies on the other side of every anxious moment. Always! Think about that the next time you are struggling. Lean into the truth of it. Peace will always come. It may be temporary, but so is panic.
***
Well, that’s all for now, my friend. My eyeballs ache from an hour of EMDR. You can Google that if you’re interested in learning what those letters stand for and how the therapy works. I’ve got a sleep mask calling my name…we’ll pick up here again soon!
Layla
PS- I polled my Instagram followers and 93% of the viewers over there voted “yes” to the idea of me including an audio player here, so click the play button below if you’d like to listen to today’s post instead/too!
Dear Layla,
Thank you for the information. If you havent done this, please get a complete work up of your physical body, meaning blood, stool, etc. My daughter went to Functional Medicine clinic. This means part of medicine and holistic with modern medicine. Just fabulous. We live in Ohio. She found her body was low in magnesium,potasium, and no healthy probiotics in her gut. We have discovered these additions to her diet under doctor care have changed her life. Her anxiety has really calmed down. Please consider this if you havent. Nutrition is medicine. Vitamins and mineral change your brain, but the common medical doctor havent been trained in this. Praying for you! cheri
Hi, Cheri!
I have done that and so, so much more. Thank you for double checking with me though! And you’re right about diet changes too. I completely changed mine at the end of December and I think it has helped as well!
Very true and good advice. Try to find a doctor who
Treats the whole patient and dares to “think outside the box”
Many years ago a wonderful ob/gyn prescribed thyroid supplement for me even though my test results put me in the ‘low normal’ range. He said my body had symptoms of low thyroid and he wanted to see how I would feel in the ‘high normal’ range. He was right, My body needed more thyroid even though my test results didn’t call for it. Can’t just go by test results which are created for an ‘average’ person.
I am 65 years old and I did not get a handle on my anxiety until 8 years ago. I now know that I had problems since I was a child. I am doing so much better now and wish a doctor could have recognized in me what I did not know was going on. I was brushed aside by doctors for years. You are doing some good work for yourself and I have been inspired by your journey.
Was your anxiety causing physical symptoms and endangering your health?
You’re on a great track! Thank you for sharing. I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and my word of the year is “Calm.” Just thinking “calm” can change any given moment. Keep joy in your heart!
Thank you for this! I have struggled with generalized anxiety disorder for almost 10 years since the birth of my third child when I began getting panic attacks. Looking back at my life, however, I realize that anxiety has always been there. I am wired exactly like you! I’m an introvert and even my panic attacks sound similar to yours.
My panic attacks are practically gone now, but not the anxiety. It comes in cycles and takes A LOT of work to manage. It’s like a bad friend who won’t go away. I, too, have spent a lot of time researching what makes me tick. The first time I read a book about introversion, I almost cried! I had always thought there was something wrong with me but I have learned to accept and embrace my God-given personality.
My favourite books have been:
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron
Quiet by Susan Cain
Dare: the Way to Stop Panic and Anxiety Attacks by Barry McDonagh
This last book has been AMAZING at helping me virtually eradicate my panic attacks.
Hope it helps. Thank you again for this post. Your blog is the first one I started reading years ago and still one of my favourites.
Gillian
I am soon to be 71, Layla…Yikes! I was told by strangers yesterday in Disney World I don’t “look” like it😊! But boy, oh boy…I sure feel like it! Mostly because since turning 70, I’ve reflected on my life and realize I have NEVER dealt with my REASONS for dibilating anxiety and panic attacks. HBP and meds since I was 26 yrs old! Was put in the hospital then at “stroke” stage! Tall, slim, career, 2 beautiful children and emotionally (& physically) abusive husband, I just took meds and more meds and swept it all under a rug for 20 yrs!! Got away from that and continued on with my “successful” life never dealing with terrible panic/anxiety thru remarriage, moves, job loss, deaths of loved ones, breast cancer, and the recent realization that schizophrenia was my 1st husband’s problem causing me great confusion, craziness, emotional pain and I NEVER SOUGHT HELP! Now I struggle with keeping up appearances never sharing…just praying, seeking solace from God, reflecting and still pushing it all away. ALL this to say, I love your blog, your story, your sweet son
(& hubby), and the fact you, my dear, are inspiring in that you are dealing with “IT!” May God continue to bless you with the ability to look for HIS help thru your therapist. Your sharing these kinds of heart messages gives me help and encouragement. Thank you for sharing your struggles. You have no idea how touchingly hopeful you are to others….planting seeds, planting seeds❤️
Deborah
Thank you Layla for this information. I have not been to a therapist, but my anxiety is when I am in a car driving or a passenger. It just started about 2 years ago so I believe it is age related (I am 67). I will try your methods. I also do deep breathing like they teach us in yoga and that can get me through sometimes. You are so smart to seek all the information regarding this issue and I wish you God’s Blessings in dealing with it daily.
My anxiety started with driving as well. I got to the point where I couldn’t drive at all without having a panic attack, and it crept into many other areas of my life as well. I was 22 when it started. When I finally went to therapy for it, I wished I had gone sooner. I felt like the many tools I learned would have helped me to manage the anxiety before it became so crippling. Please go see a therapist if you can. Scheduling an appointment is probably the hardest part, but you can do it! ♡
I’d also recommend seeing a doctor and getting blood work done (a holistic doctor if possible.) After suffering from panic and anxiety for several years, I went to a new chiropractor and he diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s. I’ve since learned that thyroid disease commonly causes anxiety and depression. By changing my diet I have greatly reduced the amount of anxiety I suffer from. I know that won’t work for everyone, but it’s certainly worth looking into.
Question, how could a chiropractor diagnose you with a thyroid disease, I have it too? Also, how have you changed your diet. I’m suffering g to this day but not nearly as bad as in previous years. Drs. Took 8 years to pull the right thyroid test, thyroid antibodies, so my panic and anxiety just grew over not knowing. Trying hard to find a light at the end, better days, and just plain hope that I may return to myself again. And why can’t I drive on the highway without sweating and shaking. Ugh.
Carol,
That was my question, too. I have a chiropractor in my family and he does NOT diagnose diseases since that’s not what he’s trained to do.
Thank you Candice for sharing regarding your driving anxiety. I really appreciate your input and will really think about seeking a therapist.
Yes, yes, and a thousand times yes! I wholeheartedly agree, and this served as a reminder to me to be intentional about all three.
This entire post spoke so beautifully to me, but if I had to pick one point that made my heart to sing today, it was this:
“Being enthusiastically grateful for days that I feel empowered to say ‘yes’.”
Thank you for sharing your words with us! 💕
Thank you so much for the information. My daughter has anxiety but does not discuss it. This gives me more information to help her. It makes me feel helpless sometimes because I don’t know what to do to help her. I appreciate your truthfulness . Thank you again.
I was diagnosed with GAD about 7 yrs ago. I know I probably always had it to a degree but that year it bothered me and I had to find out what was going on.
In a large family, it is hard to turn others down so that you can do self-care. There have a been a lot of events in my family that really do not give me a chance to do so. But I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue in addition. I push on as if I did not have until I meet a brick wall and collapse.
I recently obtained a book about Self-Care and I am in the first few pages and what is being said seems so right but putting them into action is not easy.
I have found the blessings that yoga helps with in anxiety. Also acupuncture is helpful. It is not just one thing that will tip off the anxiety but many things. It changes too. It can come on without anything pushing the button either.
Thank you for putting this out there.
Good for you for working to find ways to lesson your symptoms and help your body return to calm and healthful status
Thank you so much for sharing. Even as I type, I am having an anxious moment. God knew what I needed when I read this. Love your blog!
Thanks for sharing openly Layla! Not saying much ( introvert) but it helps knowing I’m not alone in this struggle. Am doing EMDR as well. Tough but worth it. Hugs😚
I appreciate everything you’ve shared Layla as always and I sympathize with everyone on this journey dealing with Anxiety and panic attacks. I hope it’s ok to share my bit in hopes it might add to the arsenal of ways to combat. I had to step away from blogging because of all different physical problems including all different issues with my brain that progressed. It’s sort of weird but mine isn’t totally anxiety, worry, fear and panic attacks but an actual decline in function- It’s as if I became dyslexic in my 40’s and 50’s..once an A+ student (in my college creative writing class) to gradually some days struggling to barely form sentences and thoughts including issues with spelling. I feel like I ‘ve lost my sense of humor, and even personality. I lost motivation and ability to create….I can barely top down manage anything and many things overwhelm my brain. I’m sure I unknowingly chased away friendships and other blog designers and people I associated with these past years. But honestly through prayer and new discoveries I do feel like there is hope. I’ve talked to others who got their brain back. And a Dr. who said that 90% of his patients anxiety, panic attacks and depression left them after their Lyme treatment. After realizing that I was misdiagnosed years ago and actually had Lyme that turned into RA…I started listening to seminars from different Lyme doctor specialists such as Dr. Sponaugle in Tampa Florida and Dr. Klinghardt out in Seattle. They are retraining me to think differently than I have in the past about brain health. It’s the gut brain thing and more. I’m learning about the brain as a real organ that actually battles bacteria, viruses, metal overload which causes symptoms… I would encourage others to listen to them and find out ways to detox the brain. Dr. Sponaugle has a youtube video about Lyme and the brain that is fascinating- he talks all about brain chemistry/ symptoms and other interesting things I’ve never known relating to depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Dr. Klinghardt deals with chronically ill patients and Autism with success. He shares herbs, remedies like broccoli sprouts and is a very brilliant man. I’m working toward brain improvement- and talked to an associate at Dr. Klinghardts Sofia Health Institute who had a similar story and got her brain back. Praying for recovery for everyone struggling …may God lead, guide and direct us all on this path of wellness and continued health to our brains. Love and hugs to Layla and her family xo ps. thankful I was able to get these thoughts down- today is a good day!
Sweet Layla one simple thing I have done (among many others)….. is to “fast” from the news. I was addicted to it. I feel so much more at peace not hearing of everything that is happening in the world. I can not change most of it anyway. So why am I overloading my sensitive heart with it???
Great tip! I haven’t watched the news for at least a decade either! 😀
I had terrible anxiety as a child. Mostly caused from living with parents and much older siblings who had unrealistic expectations and goals for me. And when I couldn’t meet them, anxiety and self-doubt kicked in. I bit the skin around my nails so badly they would swell and bleed and be sore for weeks which brought on more ridicule from my parents at my self harming behavior. Then in my 20’s – when I was no longer living at home – and into my 30’s and 40’s the anxiety lessened to some extent. I was super busy with kids, work, Girl Scouts, and activities. I guess the more I filled my hours, the less time there was to stress. In my late 40’s my husband finally hit rock bottom and went into psychiatric care and eventually rehab. My ex husband stopped paying his child support. So, overnight I lost 2 forms of income. I had to take a 2nd job or lose everything we’d worked for. People said, “your pushing yourself too hard, Karen.” They were well meaning but they didn’t know ME. I have to be busy or idle hands (I change it for me) are the anxiety’s works. LOL When my husband was finally able to come back home and get back to work things calmed down. But now at 56 the anxiety is back. I have a boss who is miserable in his job and is making the rest of us miserable. He’ll be stepping away from that position this fall and someone brand new will be coming in. While I’m excited for the change I am also worried. I’ve been at this job 33 years and have no plans of leaving but the unknowns of ‘will the new boss like me?’ ‘Will I like him?’ ‘Will he make me do things that aren’t in my job description?’ well, you get the picture … it goes on an on. I don’t want to be put on medication for this condition I have. Maybe I need to change my diet? I am at a loss at how to calm my anxiety about situations that I have no control over whatsoever. My dreams have been horrible. One repetitive one I have nearly every night is with me in a vehicle and I need to stop it and it won’t stop no matter how hard I stomp on the brakes. Sometimes I even run over someone in my dream. It’s horrible. I know this is super long. I’m sorry. But just know you are not alone in this struggle. Your post was much needed and made ME feel like I wasn’t alone either. Thank you for that.
Thank you, Layla for the post. I too suffer from panic attacks. At one period of time I had several a day, most at night, so I got to where I would not sleep for fear of having them when I woke up. Even to the point of being taken to the emergency room for extremely high blood pressure. Having heart tests, scans, etc. I was sent home with “nothing wrong with you!” One day I had one an attack when my firefighter/EMT son was visiting. He said, “Mom, you are suffering from panic attacks.” I sought help through a therapist, who said I was suffering from accumulated stress over time. From being that introvert and keeping everything inside, my body had just had enough and couldn’t handle it anymore. That was two years ago. I am a lot better now and one thing that has helped me has been exercise along with therapy, slowing down and making time for myself. Panic crippled me to the point of not wanting to be alone for the fear of having an attack, to not driving and missing work- to which I truly love. I hope some of my experience can help you too in some way. I love your blog and have followed not long after you first began.
Thank you so much Layla for sharing your experience in this way. I believe this is a ministry for you. I am 55 years old and have had anxiety and panic attacks since I was 11 years old. There were times I was told “it’s just your nerves” or “it’s mind over matter” which naturally, increased my anxiety. I didn’t know anyone else who was experiencing what I was going through. It could be very isolating. As the pianist for my church, Sunday’s could be terrifying because I didn’t feel I had the freedom to escape. (fear of symptoms) Thankfully we now live in an age where there is so much knowledge, understanding and support. When others who are suffering panic attacks come to me for advise; supporting, helping and sharing resources with them always ends up helping me as well. Having gone through dark seasons of dealing with panic and all the side dishes that come with it, I am so thankful that there are individuals like you who want to help even as they are receiving help. Christian counseling helped me to declutter the negative and stress in my life which feeds the anxiety. Having a very supportive and understanding family that prays for me when those occasional seasons try to creep back in is a gift from God. Thankfully, God is taking every step of life’s journey with us. We are never alone, You are in my prayers. Thank you again , Layla!
Thank you so much for this post that affects so many of us. There is great joy and encouragement in not feeling alone.
May I ask you what vision issues you experience during an attack?
My son has lost his sight temporarily (plus other symptoms) during some kind of strange incidents, and I’m wondering if they could be panic attacks. (Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with him.)
Thank you!
Amy – You didn’t say how old your son is, but I wanted to share our experiences with you in the event that it could help you understand the symptoms. Our son was diagnosed with panic disorder at the age of 7. He is 29 now and is GREAT, so don’t despair. His symptoms vary with a panic attack depending how quickly he catches it. If he is awake and feels it coming on, breathing techniques, self-talk, etc. can help. If it begins while sleeping (and it can), he will wake up with the attack too far along for any learned techniques to help much. His symptoms can include: dizziness, hyperventilation, nausea, rapid heart beat, pounding heart, tingling in extremities and around mouth and face, muscle weakness in legs, sweating, fainting (not often, but has happened), vomiting (also not often, but has happened) ocular migraine (again, not often). You specifically mentioned vision issues. The problems with vision he has had during a panic attack have been a gradual “blacking out” when he feels he is going to pass out and also very temporary blindness in one eye only, associated with ocular migraine. I hope this is helpful and that your son’s symptoms improve!
Thank you Layla for this. My anxiety started when I went through my divorce. Some days I thought I was losing my mind and I’m so thankful you talked about the physical symptoms. I have and continue to experience each one of them, but luckily not at the same time. I hope you will continue to share more about this. Like someone above said “it’s your ministry”
I love listening to your blog! What a great idea. Thank you so much for taking the extra time to add that special feature.
I tried listening to it on my IPhone and it isn’t playing Layla.
Thank you. 🙏
Thank you for the tips and ideas, I have been suffering from anxiety for some time now, is hard when you feel something and your spouse is always saying you are exagerating everything. So my primary doctor gave me buspifone 5mg small dose but I has help me some. On the other hand on your first tip I’m on the other side I can’t slow down because I basically feel that I don’t want to do anything, so sometimes I just don’t .
Please share more ideas .
Thanks
Thank you for sharing your stories. 🙂 You are such a day brightener. (((hugs)))
Thank you so much for sharing your path. It helps to know I’m not alone. Would love to hear the diet changes you made, only if you feel like sharing.
Greetings Layla,
My wife Suzy has followed your blog for years and often tells me what you wrote. Today she mentioned anxiety and I can help. Years ago I would have severe panic attacks and went through extensive training as a clinical hypnotist to learn how to relax. I recommend a thin little book called The Anti-Anxiety Toolkit, written by Melissa Tiers. You can read it in a day. Those are the same techniques that I teach clients in my office. Email if you would like more information. I would be glad to help.
Great Story … thanks
Your audio was great as I read along with it. Blessed I am as I continued to hear and read as you revealed your faith in Him. Scripture is powerful & has been my ‘help in time of need’. I will be forwarding this to my 2 beautiful daughters & pray this will encourage them even more. Thank you and keep up the great work for it is blessing many people!
Layla, thank you so much for linking this to your stories today. I can’t tell you how much I needed this!! I love listening to your recordings, your voice alone just brings calmness. Today has been a horrible day for anxiety for me and it was just what I needed to help calm me. God truly uses you, HE has gifted you to help other’s in your own struggles. Thank you for the scripture and allowing God to use you. Can’t tell you how much this means. I need to thank the Lord for this also as I don’t believe it’s coincidence I came upon your stories and followed this link.
Love, Debbie
Debbie, I am so glad you found a little comfort here. I, too, have felt extra anxious lately- so I’m sending you a big, virtual hug in hopes it helps to know you’re not alone and that we are both going to be okay. God promised! 🙂
Sharing begets sharing..and so the stories come…
Mine will not be long..just a thank you for sharing, and to God as well for using your sharing and His Holy Spirit to shine a light on my thoughts in this season of Life I’m in.
Two takeaways for me…There are mercies for the moments when I am filled with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, because really, feelings come and go. They are not Truth..
And ..He sees us taking care of the self He created..that touched my Spirit.
He is Faithful and True,
His Peace be with you!
Sunny
I always love seeing your name pop up here, Sunny. Not just because it’s such a happy name, but because you always bless me with your comments too! 🙂
Layla,
Just wanted to say that I adore you and so appreciate you sharing your struggle with anxiety. It helps to know others are struggling, too. You are awesome expressing your vulnerability. I sometimes hate social media for promoting unattainable standards and only smiles. Thanks for keeping it real and sharing your sweet family with the world. Cheering so loudly for you from the sidelines! <3
Thank you, Tina! I sure do appreciate your kind and encouraging words! 🙂