“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I’d say our afternoon just got booked solid!”
-Bill Watterson
We ventured over to Dreamfield Farms for our very first play date on Thursday.
It’s a big deal to venture places these days. We need to start talking about the places we’re going to venture to at least 24 hours in advance so that little man has time to process what’s coming up. Of course he didn’t have a clue what a “pumpkin patch” was, but when described as a place he could “run, jump and have fun at”, he was all smiles and super intrigued.
I had called earlier in the week to find out when there wouldn’t be many people there, and we were so tickled to discover that we almost had the place completely to ourselves.
We didn’t tell Steevenson we were meeting a new friend of ours and her little boy there, because one thing that *really* seems to make him uncomfortable is a “build-up” when it comes to meeting people. He’s also not a fan of formal introductions, so we just let the kids meet each other organically (is that the right word?) while us parents exchanged hugs and struck up a conversation.
It didn’t take long for the kiddos to gravitate towards the same activity (bean bag toss), and you would’ve thought they were long lost friends by the time they made their way over to the corn pits, no more than fifteen minutes later.
That’s one thing I love about little kids. They make such fast friends. Like, there doesn’t necessarily even need to be any exchanging of names. Sometimes it’s just, “Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I don’t know who you are, but I’d say our afternoon just got booked solid!“.
I don’t know what age that goes away…that openness…but gosh is it ever refreshing/inspiring to see it happen time and time again with Steevenson these days.
We were worried it might be hard for him to break away from the farm, and the other boy and his mama (leaving families with kiddos has been one of our biggest attachment-related struggles since before we left Haiti), but y’all, would you believe he simply hugged his friend goodbye and said, “see ya later!” when it was time to go?! 😀
Kevin and I breathed a GIGANTIC sigh of relief and showered our babe with hugs, kisses and praise as we made our way back to the car. I really can’t express how proud we were of him that day. I mean, to go to a new place, meet new people, have TONS of fun, exert a LOT of energy, and then just say goodbye and hop in the car??? It was such a massive step for him, and so encouraging to Kevin and I.
Prayers appreciated for his first-ever wellness exam this morning. I’m sure there will be blood draws and I’m really *hoping* there aren’t a million people in costumes. (Can you say, overwhelming?) I never thought about how strange it would be for him to come home around Halloween. I will be so glad when all the life-sized Grim Reapers, skeletons and witches are removed from people’s porches. Poor kid doesn’t understand why there are “scary men” and “scary ladies” everywhere. Thankfully, after riding by them so many times over the past few weeks, he is getting a little more used to them, but I know he’ll feel a lot more comfortable when they’re gone. I will too! :-O
Something we do is before leaving we say “okay. Time to do your one last thing.” It seems better than “you have X minutes” because it takes so long to develop a sense of time. It probably won’t help much now because I’m guessing his transition difficulty isn’t quite the same but maybe it will help in the future. So glad you all had an awesome play date!! Keep up the amazing work mama!!
I love reading Layla’s posts about her wonderful new angel! I also love reading the responses from other awesome moms! Love this “Time to do your one-last-thing”! You have to hope the child will look forward to what will happen when he/she returns home! Stephan obviously knew whatever was to come was just as nice as the playground (loves book time)! Happy children are a wonder to observe!
I also LOVE this idea! I’m a mom of 2 kids – 13 and almost 7 – and now I’m saying “Why didn’t I think of this?!” Makes so much more sense than “5 more minutes”. Yet we as adults are so engrained with time. Even my 13 year old will make those 5 minutes last 15 if allowed, so from now on I’m using the “one last thing” idea – thanks so much!!
Thanks! I got the idea from a friend. Just passing on the favor. Sometimes our one last thing ends up taking awhile but it still works well as a transition. Hope it works for you too!
What a wonderful day you had! Steevensons progress is amazing! Those photos are precious and making a friend and having such a joy filled day are such good experiences for him!
Oh I never thought about how strange Halloweeen must seem to him, I hope he likes Christmas decor much better!
Thank you for sharing! One can’t help but smile whenever you see his smile!!
I remember when my kiddos were little and there were things that were not age appropriate, scary, etc., I would not make a big deal out of it, but just say, “Oh, they’re being silly,” or “Isn’t that silly?” It was a little thing, but I kept the emotion out of the comment and quickly moved on, barely giving time for a reaction. Don’t know if that is anything you can tuck away for future use, but it seems like the less attention I gave to the unsavory things, the easier it was for my children to move on.
You and your husband and doing an amazing job. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
I’m so happy you commented on the whole “introduction” thing! We are fostering a 2.5 year old who has been through serious abuse and trauma….she HATES intros! She is so much better off if we just ignore the whole introduction and allow her to approach people in her own time….you know….dip her toe in the water before jumping in! It never really occurred to me until we had her how much we expect of children in introductions….we get in their face and hold their hands and touch and pull in close and for traumatized kids this can be incredibly scary and threatening. Now we just warn people in advance….it’s like a covert operation….”everyone ACT NORMAL….there is nothing new to see here”…haha! Thanks for sharing your journey! I’m loving it!
hey!adult introductions are not all that comfortable a lot of the time !!! the goodbyes at the end of a good time must be traumatic until any child learns that there will be some more good times and visits. He sounds like he is doing pretty good at this social business. God bless you all.
This is so true of any child, really. We make such a big deal out of hellos and goodbyes when we need to just relax over it all. I never liked it when my mother-in-law insisted my children give her and her husband hugs when saying goodbye. I feel kids should not be forced to give hugs. It was a struggle to get her to understand that.
WOW! Love the way he was so good about saying goodbye. That is a big deal.
As for Halloween, I’m with Stevenson and the scary things. I really don’t care for them at all.
Hope your well visit goes as smoothly as possible. 🙂
I’ll be glad when all the scary things are gone as well!!! Thankful your outing was a great day and one with good memories.
Look up the Post Institite on Facebook. This man is a genius when dealing with adoption. Your son will have many obstacles to deal with as he grows. Many things will develop from his trauma from birth. We have adopted 7 children. Two from Colombia and five from foster care. Just read his books and listen to his YouTube videos. Blessings and prayers for you all
What a sweet time at the farm! My born-and-raised-in-Canada seven-year-old hates all the scary Halloween stuff. He couldn’t sleep last night “because of Halloween”. He just gets started thinking about something scary and can’t stop. But it’s almost over! And then Christmas! (Or Thanksgiving for you Americans).
I love hearing about your sonny’s progress. It sounds like he’s doing great and is becoming more secure all the time. You are both doing a wonderful job jumping into this sudden parents of a 4 year old thing. And 4 year olds really are so much fun. I bet next Halloween he will be ready to join in the festivities. Blessings to you all. Keep up the good work!
I will never forget my friend’s mom’s reaction to Halloween (from another country): so you put out things to frighten people, dress your children up as animals and scary creatures and send them out to beg the neighbors for candy? Um. yes? Hopefully he will enjoy visiting a house or two to “trick or treat” (even just to gram’s?). and … visited a friend with 4 yo this weekend, and hers jumped out at the playground and said “can i make friends here?” “sure.” and off she went. 3 hours of playing with whoever came by. Love this age!
Yay!! for happy days and visits that go unexpectedly well! He is so darn cute!
Our 2.5 year old isn’t adopted but is still freaked out by all the scary costumes at our CHURCH party last night!! You’d have thought there wouldn’t be a 10 foot tall (stilts) Grim Reaper at a church party, but there he was. I agree with the other mom about saying “silly” more than scary. We’ve just started letting our son watch movies- Cars, and Zootopia have been our first couple, and we just say “oh he’s silly!” during a “scary” part. It helps if we laugh at it first, instead of waiting for our son’s reaction. Prayers for continued wonderful bonding for your family of three- I know God’s in the midst of it, bringing you three closer and closer.
Love this post! I can almost hear the boys laughing and giggling as they play. Prayers for you at the wellness exam!
I so look forward to your posts. How blessed is your sweet boy to have you two as parents. God Bless You Both!
Make sure he drinks a little extra before the blood draw; really helps if they are well-hydrated when drawing pediatric blood. Good luck!!!
Agreed, Ellen, you are so right! Plus, SHOW him a TREAT he especially loves, beforehand, and say that you need to SAVE IT, FOR WHEN HE IS DONE, and he needs to eat it AFTER giving blood, in order to boost him up (which IS true! You know how they give US cookies and stuff when we grown-ups donate blood, right??!!) 😉 –gv
Layla–I love hearing about all of Sweet P’s progress! Continued prayers and good thoughts are being sent your way!
Hi Layla,
Your sweet boy sound so much like our youngest daughter. When she was younger we had some of the same issues:
-if someone stopped by our home and she did not know they were coming she was very upset
-if I said we are going to the store and then the post office — and I went to post office first, it would upset her
-If we went to crowded areas with a lot of people she was visibly overloaded
-she had a hard time at pre-school- she always wanted to stay with us
-she did not like sleeping in her room
There were other issues and we were so confused because her older sister did not have those issues. The good news is she grew out of this early elementary school into an amazing young lady. She still does not like crowds but she is attending college on a full ride academic scholarship and is a well-adjusted, smart and kind young woman. Sounds like you are doing everything you can to help him adjust to his new world. I just wanted to tell you I think you guys are great and with all the love in your family your sweet pea will be okay – and so will you and Kevin ♥️
This post makes me so happy for all of you….so great to see your sweet baby having such a fun afternoon.
I’ve always enjoyed Halloween whether it was taking my kids trick or treating or handing out candy or decorating, etc. But this year… this year something just feels a little bit off. Trying to rationalize it just makes it feel even more off… so… I’ve been sorting out candy (yeah, that’s not a compulsive disorder or anything) and trying to talk myself into being happy about answering the front door a hundred times or so before it’s all gone. Tomorrow is November!!!!
Wonderful day ?
So sweet!! I think you will see many breakthroughs as time progresses as Steevenson gets more comfortable. You and Kevin are so wise not to force him into situations and allowing him to find his own way. I so look forward to your updates.
You are doing such a lovely job. Each of these successes is so important to both kiddo and parent. I’m so glad you had a good experience to keep you trying and trying again. What a wonderful fall day! Good luck getting through your dr appointment today!
Layla, what a precious post!! Your photos just made me smile! I am so thankful that you are willing to share your amazing journey with us, your readers! 🙂
I was just wondering if Max had been able to come home yet and how things were going between Steevenson, Max, and Kit Kat.
Thanks for letting us get a glimpse into your lives. We love the pictures and especially the videos. 🙂
Much love and many blessings to all of the Palmers.
Layla: No one addressed this, so I will. 😉 I think you should definitely arrange a totally UNOFFICIAL play date between Steevenson and that little boy… Steevenson was probably GOOD with saying goodbye because he said, “Well, like the other people I left, I won’t see YOU again! But I enjoyed our time together! Bye!” BUT: let me say, to not do an arranged play date, just the Mom telling HER son they are going for a drive, and then her coming over JUST to your front yard (not saying anything to HER son) and YOU coming out of the house, to say hi to them and THEN asking BOTH boys, the friend’s son in the car seat, AND you asking Steevenson if he’d like to step outside, to say hello to their playground friend from the other day… OK, Dr. Gloria is DONE. I swear that this will be the last time I write a comment! You have enough people to give you kudos and nice comments… It’s just that I am a MOM (my son is 26 now), and I think I am a know-it-all, because sometimes my advice that I give people does work. 😉 –gv
Best,
Glori
Yay!!!!
Just adorable snapshots of both boys. So happy this worked out, Layla. Continued prayers for the adjustments to keep getting better and better. I know this made you happy beyond words.
We don’t do scary at our house,either.
I’m with Steevenson, Halloween doesn’t make any sense to me, either. I don’t observe it and am so glad every year when it is over and all the ugliness/scariness gets taken down!
The boys look like they are having so much fun in those pics. What a big step for Sweet P! There will still be steps backward, but, less and less as the time passes. Continuing prayers for you all.
I love reading your posts! You’re such an inspiration, and I know you’re doing an amazing job! 🙂
Hi Layla,
I was reading through the comments from your Week 8 post – you and Kevin are doing the exactly right thing to get yourselves a therapist. A therapist for your little guy is also a good thing. Your therapist can help you and Kevin better understand what you’re needing/feeling/experiencing and your child’s therapist (who should be an expert in adoptions) can help you and Kevin better understand and get insights as to what he may be needing/feeling/experiencing as he adjusts to his new forever home. I hope you have good post-adoption support and lots of resources and a loving adoptive parent community to help guide you through this time of wonder and also adjustment (we did an international adoption from Guatemala 8 years ago).
I wish your family all the best!