I’ve been using our sunroom as my LuLaRoe room for the past few months…
…but, thankfully, there’s a lot more room to move around in there now.
When we had the baby grand piano and all my inventory in there (picture 4 garment racks full of clothes, and 8 plastic storage bins full of leggings and packaging/shipping supplies), the room was totally jam-packed! It was so nuts. There was literally just a narrow path to the back door, and a narrow path to the bathroom, and that was it.
I felt so bad we had to have it that way right when Steevenson came home (especially now that I know how much he appreciates tidy environments) but the flooring hadn’t been installed in the Bungalow Barn yet, and I wasn’t about to put my all my inventory out there while it was so dusty and before everything was painted.
Eventually (after the stairs are built), my LuLaRoe stuff will all move up into the loft in Jim and Katie’s side of the house. It was Katie’s idea, and I’m so thankful she’s so sweet! 🙂 It’s a part-time thing (but with full-time pay, yay!), so we won’t be up there too often. And speaking of sweet Katie- I’d love to see if she wants to share a recipe here every now and then if y’all would enjoy those kinds of posts. She’s got such a friendly and social spirit, and the dishes she whips up are always deeeeelicious! Have you tried her Taco Soup, Key Lime Cake, Spaghetti, Lemon Icebox Meringue Pie, or Cranberry Salad? Click here if you haven’t: Katie’s Kitchen.
Okay- back to the sunroom. Uh, I mean, playroom. Here’s another photo of it so you can see what it currently looks like:
Kit-Cat’s food, water and litter box are all on the other side of that hole in the wall, and there’s also a small half bath over by that closet door, too.
So here’s what I’m thinking for the playroom…over the next several months, as time and budget allow. I love the idea of using two Billy bookcases from IKEA along the only wall without windows or doors. Kind of like this:
…and maybe something fun like this in the center, to conceal the TV so that we can hang something else on the wall above it?
(photo: @Nikki_Grandy)
So it would kind of look like this…
And since we’ll use every square inch of those bookcases for games and toys, I also kind of love the idea of having tall doors that completely cover the shelves inside. Like this:
I’ve also been toying with the idea of enclosing the room a little more to hide the toys on the floor and so that it’s easier to place furniture and storage pieces around the room.
I don’t know though…one day the room probably won’t function as a toy room anymore, so it might be easier (and cheaper!) to just use drapes or something.
Either way, it’s just fun to dream…especially with Photoshop. 🙂
Layla
PS- This is for my fellow post-adoption peeps. Have you ever read a blog post that resonates with you so deeply have to check the signature at the bottom to make sure you didn’t type it yourself? Kidding, of course, but you know what I mean. 😉 I stumbled across one of those the other day. It’s titled, “Faking It” and it was written six years ago, but man was it what I needed to read last week. My hope in sharing a link to it here today is that it will also wrap it’s arms around someone else out there that is struggling with the exhaustion and emotions that come along with loving a kiddo who expresses grief and anxiety in the form of rage and lengthy episodes of physical aggression. Because, let’s face it, (untypical) rage and aggression that stems from fear and a lifelong lack of permanence are intense no matter which side of the trauma your on. XO
Prayer for all the Palmer’s have a good day today.
Love your ideas! Do you have a source for the gray piece of furniture for the TV with the barn doors?? Hope you have a good day today…..
Love your sunroom-to-playroom plans Layla! We converted our “den” to a playroom when my children were small. It has now evolved into a game room/study type room now that they are 11 and 14. It seems to be our favorite room in the house. Our computer is there, we play board games and puzzles on the table, there are cozy chairs for reading. You are right….it won’t be strewn with toys forever! Blessings to you and your sweet family.
So coincidentally we were planning out a similar wall for our sons bedroom this weekend! I found some similar ideas on Pinterest but thanks for the IKEA suggested bookshelves. I love the idea of the half wall and could see a desk going right behind it so you can help him w homework while you cook dinner in the future. We have desks in kids rooms but they always want to do hw in the kitchen! That would be a great set up for you.
The linked story made my heart heavy for you all and I will be praying for you all. So glad you are able to see that there are so many others that have walked in your shoes.
I adore the playroom plans and I really like the architectural detail a half wall will provide. I say go for it! Also, I didn’t realize you were struggling with these issues because you’re always so positive. Sending a very tight hug today because I think you’re awesome!! xoxoxo
I have not adopted any children and do not pretend to know what you three are going through. I do know when I read that post I remember what some days felt like when I locked myself in the bathroom to cry while my four little ones were at the door asking what I was doing. Trying to do your best as a parent sucks sometimes, it can be really hard to love yourself and love your kids. But we do our best, hide and cry when we need to and as the years go by I can tell you the work will pay off. Kids get easier, I promise. Maybe they teach us how to recognize what is real and what we can let go. You will still have times when you cry for them and times when they make you cry but they are less. You are doing your best and in the heat of this stage there are times I know you think it is impossible but the older you would smile and give you a big hug knowing it’s going to be ok. I know your challenges are bigger than mine were but I promise you it will be ok.
Love to you and your family. Layla, my close friend adopted a beautiful boy from Romania who behaved like your sweet Steveenson. She showed up at my house one day in tears, sobbing to be honest, broken and feeling as if she failed him. He had one of his episodes, as she called them, and couldn’t calm him down so she put him in his room alone until he calmed down. She called her doctor and they went in the next day. The doctor sent her to a child specialist who focused on cognitive behavior, not medication. You can not coddle his behavior in fact you have to do the opposite. Please Layla, talk to a doctor and get help with this. Feeling the need to control every aspect for the first few months is ok but its continuing and the rage and physical aggression is still present. He was too young to be this deeply affected by childhood trauma. His brain develops and forgets most experiences prior to age 4. Please Layla, no more being in denial. I say this with love in my heart but needed to be straight with you.
My friend today…..has a successful, calm, and patient child.
That cabinet plan looks beautiful, but I don’t know how functional it really is to have a TV that low to the floor. Seems like it would be better to mount a small TV above it and make it part of a gallery display or something.
Oh, I was thinking if it were that low, it would be in Steevenson’s direct line of sight, since he sits in a child-sized armchair. 🙂
What a lovely room your sun/playroom is! It will be perfect! If you don’t want a permanent half wall , why not place a short bookcase or two along that wall? Gives you the visual separation, and additional storage. You could attach beadboard or something appealing to the back side so when seen from other room it’s still pleasing.
That’s lovely half bath, love the front detail on dresser you made into vanity!
I think posts from Katie’s kitchen would be fun to read, I’m already picturing Steevenson in there helping her!
Love the ideas for the playroom! you have such an inspiring vision for things, and YES I’d love to see hear more from katie and try her delicious recipes! I loved her spaghetti!
Our family just began the home study portion of our adoption adventure with Lifeline. We’re currently reading the book “The Connected Child” by Karen Purvis. It breaks my heart to read about all of the possible things our future kids may have gone through and it’s almost overwhelming to the point of making it seem impossible for us to parent them. But I know that through the grace and mercy of the Lord He will get us through and it will be so worth it in the end!
Thank you, Alison- and I will tell Katie you’d like to see her more around here! 🙂
And, congratulations on taking that HUGE first step by choosing an adoption agency! We also read The Connected Child (as a part of the curriculum for our home study with Lifeline) and Dr. Purvis’ wisdom has come in very handy over the past several months. Every kiddo is different (as we’ve seen firsthand with all the other kiddos that have come home from Three Angels Children’s Relief), so you really can’t set any kind of expectations…you just have to be completely open, and you’re right, God will help get you and your kiddo through whatever journey He has planned for you! XO
Praying for you and your family Layla, that God gives you whatever blessings you need to get through this day. You are truly an inspiration to so many of us.
I love all of those ideas. The half wall is a great plan. While one day it sadly won’t be filled with toys it will evolve into a cool teen hang out zone. So great the relationship you have with you mil. Looking forward to the recipes! Love reading your posts.
your heart is beautiful. sending love to you.
p.s. this room is going to be fantastic! looking forward to the finished product.
I wouldn’t enclose it more, because the room serves as a way to get to other area of your house…the half bath, the inlaw suite, etc.
I love ikea!! I live in Memphis and our ikea just opened. If you don’t have one in your area and happen to be in the Memphis area you must stop by the one here!! It is conveniently off of I-40.
As mothers we all put on a brave face for the world, and our kids, even when things seem to be falling apart. I understand this may be a hard place for you to share your struggles but I hope you know we are here because we came on this journey with you, we love your story, not just the happy parts, and will support you in whatever you’re going through. I’m sure you are getting the help you need and are already seeing improvements. It will take time, and tears, and sleepless nights. And it will never be perfect. Motherhood is more of a reverse “pick my presto” everything is in order and THEN it’s thrown into chaos! But in the chaos you will find the joy, the sorrow, the wonder, the love, the pain and the strength you’ve never experienced before. And you already know, it is so worth it.
Motherhood is like Christmas Morning. The things we thought would be favorites are replaced by the empty box, the hours we spend preparing are over in minutes, but the love and joy surrounds us all. Your little guys tantrums and outbursts are showing you that he trusts you enough to show you that you will love him…no matter what.
No one can truly understand what Steevenson is really feeling..including Steevenson!
Time and support are on your side.
I look for your posts everyday. We too added a big addition to our home for my dad. Katie’s recipies will be wonderful addition to your loving sight.
I am looking forward to your new journey.
I think God whispers to very special people, like you and Kevin, leading them to adopt children who have been through such trama. If He brought you this far, He will not abandon you. Just walk through this valley and know there will be blessings awaiting you on the other side.
Sweet friend, you don’t have to fake it with us…..we (well, some of us anyway) have been there. And we’re there with you today, in prayer for strength and vision and patience and humor and understanding and calm and the faith to know that hard days are part of this journey. Really hard days, sometimes. Sending you all love and prayers fro Texas. And I’m trying to dig up a couple of Ikea gift cards I never used to send to you. Long Live the Billy Bookcase!!!!!
You know what, Layla? God picks special people for special assignments, and that’s why Steevenson is with you and Kevin. Your hearts are the hearts big enough, your patience is the patience strong enough, your love is the love deep enough to bring this little boy to the bright side of a dark journey. You are His angels right now, and thank heavens that, just like Mary did long ago, you said yes. You are in the prayers of your many friends, and you know the Lord walks with those who He asks to serve in a special way. Every day remember that you are saving this very special boy you love so very much. And please remember that all of us love you, too. May today be a day of joy!
The half wall is a brilliant idea! It will provide more wall space for the toys to be hidden as you said or perhaps a little desk/drawing table where he could build Legos, etc. And string a wire/hanging system for wall art that would be at his height on that side. Then you see it every time you enter from the in-laws! I don’t think that would cause an issue later–it kind of makes it a nice transition from your home to your in-laws as well with the half wall.
Maybe you could bring the wall out on both sides of that large opening. Put arched double doors that swing open and closed. And a cute little round window in one or both so you can peek in to see what Steevenson and his friends are doing? You could make the doors out of barnwood or something similar.
I realize I don’t know one thing about adopting a child. Nothing at all. But I do know, even biological children can give you a run for your money. It may seem different but when I read your struggles and that of others, it sounds very familiar to me. Maybe my kids haven’t been through all that Steevenson has but I still get some bad reactions to injustices they think have been done to them. They are people in little bodies, training to be adults most of their young lives. We, the parents, are their mentors. The children are apprentices. For the next 13 years or so, your life is that of professor of childcare and development. It’s the most noble profession of all. Steevenson is one blessed little boy.
Ooh! I love those design ideas, Rebecca! Thank you so much for sharing them. It was fun to visualize!
As far as the adoption behaviors, I’m basing my experience on what I’ve heard from many, many mamas who have both adopted *and* biological kids. They confirmed that it is an entirely different degree of rage/aggression with the kiddos that experienced early childhood trauma, and it really helped me to hear it from them. I wasn’t sure if it was just because I had never parented before, but they assured me it’s a totally different intensity level, and requires a different level of patience for them as well. (Insert sweaty/smiley face emoji here!)
Just a reminder, don’t forget to put some felt on the bottom of any baskets he might pull out. It will keep things from getting scratched up, especially if he or a friend decide to scoot the basket across the floor.
Oh Layla! Your honesty is refreshing. We will be praying for your family. Even though I haven’t been in your shoes as a mama this has been my greatest source of encouragement:
Galatians 6:9
“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary”
You will have a beautiful harvest one day with your little man. You are in our prayers!
First of all – LOVE your ideas for the playroom! Thank you for the Photoshop visuals that really help me “see” your vision, and also provide so much inspiration for my own home. Every time you create or re-create an area, the little voice inside me that usually says “That would be impossible” shuts up and the braver little voice says “See, stuff like that is DO-able!” 🙂 Thank you also for the “Faking It” link. I do not have an adopted child with a traumatic life-start, but because reading those honest words reminds me when I’m praying for the Palmers to ask the Healer to calm sweet Steevenson’s heart (and yours and Kevin’s) and to grow in him an increasing feeling of security in the safe and loving home he now has. Would be interesting to know the author’s perspective today, six years after that original post – bet it would be a much more encouraging one – Hang in there, you are held especially tight during the storm!
Thanks for the link to Rage Against the Minivan! I read the piece you mentioned in your ps and then wanted to see how they were doing (since it’s been 6 years) and fell in love with the site. I hope your stress levels can ease a bit. Parenting is hard sometimes. But also really awesome. Thanks for blogging!
Hey Layla! I love our playroom ideas! Just know the toys won’t stay in there, lol! We’ve just moved to a new home with a dedicated playroom and I’m amazed at where I find toys all over the house. I think kids just want to play close to wherever mama is at the time!
I also wanted to let you know the best thing i did at our old house for toys! We had a small home and the living room was the only play area besides my children’s rooms upstairs. I divided all the toys/books into different storage bins with a variety in each bin. We would only have one bin out at a time and the others were stored in the garage (anywhere out of sight). The toy bin would keep their interest for about a week or two and then we would rotate to another. I had 5 total so by the time the first one came back out, my kids hadn’t seen those toys or books for over a month. It kept them interested for longer periods of time AND made clean up so much easier! Just thought I ‘share since it worked so well for me and kept the house much tidier! LOVE your blog and hearing about Steevenson!
Thank you for the Faking it link. I needed this today. My son is not adopted but there are so many things that resonate with the faking it. Unfortunately I know my son will never outgrow this behavior as he is bipolar with high anxiety. He is s young adult and will not take medication or seek treatment. I am exhausted and his only parent.
Would absolutely love to have recipe post from your sweet mother- in- law. Love Katie’s kitchen.
So, you’re turning your sunroom into your sonroom? ?
Every time I see photos of that half bath I am reminded how much I love it!
My heart hurts for you 🙁 I pray that you are able to get the help you need to make this transition easier on everybody.
Also, I love the ideas you have for your sunroom! I just have one question………..do you think your door will be too close to the bookshelves?
Just a reminder to attach any bookcases to the wall. Kids will climb!
I love the ship lap in the bathroom and the flying birds. Are they stenciled or wallpaper or??
You are heard and seen Layla. I have been there where it hurt so much I couldn’t see past it. Today, a few years later, I look at my son and realize so much of that early struggle, aside from the effects of trauma, was that I was still getting to know him. We were still learning each other and although I feel sad now that I couldn’t be more patient with myself through that, I know this was a big part of it. Growing pains for sure. I love him with my whole self. He is amazing, but there was a battle of the wills for a while, and I seemed to feel it all so differently than my husband. You cry out, you reach out, you share your heart and God will meet you there.
Dear Layla, I worked with children who had trauma. It is intense and can be frightening for all involved. Your adrenaline gets going, even as you know you need to be calm and objective. It is exhausting. I am not going to offer any advice other than be proactive and keep getting support from professionals. You can pray over it, but you can’t pray the problem away…I think this is where the “God helps those who help themselves” phrase comes in. God bless and keep you all. Steevenson is so lucky to have your love and all the well wishes of your readers!
All of a sudden, I can not see any of your photos…..only little pale blue boxes show up where there should be a pic. This is happening on you old posts as well—ones that I have actually seen the photos on earlier visits to your blog.
How do I get the photos to “show up”????
Clicking on the little boxes does no good….nothing happens.
HELP please!
Your pictures won’t load for me, but it sounds like you are keeping the cat’s food and water bowls together with the litter box(?). If so, eeek, such a bad thing to do. First, because cats have a natural instinct to eliminate far away from their food & water (nest). They don’t like to “**** where they eat” -I don’t blame them, who would?!, lol. And second, because (obviously) it’s very unhealthy as litter particles and bacteria can transfer to their food & water. Please read on this.
Thanks for the heads up, Caroline! We actually keep his water outside that closet, but we have kept his food in there, on the opposite side of the closet as his litter box, for the past 4 years. Thanks to your comment, I think I’ll move it out of there today! 🙂
Oh sweet Layla. First off- I can’t wait to see how the sun room/play room takes shape. Secondly, I read the link you shared-and my prayers are with you dear heart. I first started blogging after the birth of my second son- as a way to share some of my mothering journey, and to connect with a part of myself that had gone quiet since motherhood. It is always a vulnerable thing to share the “truth” of where we are at after facing trauma, transition and change that while beautiful, is also really, really, hard- both in a public forum, or with those close to us. Sometimes it is so easy to articulate where I am at, and other days it is nearly impossible. I can just stand in the shower and leave my tears, fears, frustrations and questions at the feet of my saviour. Life is a journey- and I have to remind myself to take it one day at a time. Praying for God’s grace and mercy to face the day- and thanking God that where we are inadequate when it comes to filling the needs of our kiddos- HE is there to meet them. He will meet Stevenson in his brokenness. Jesus knows it all to well, and has walked the roads that you have not. Praying, praying, praying. Hugs.
I thought Kit Kat ran away???? glad she is back!
Oh, turns out he was just roaming around our house for a few days. He’s back inside with us full-time now. 🙂
Hey layla- instead of building a half wall, maybe you could just place a console or entry table in its place facing the dining room. That way it defines the furniture placement but isn’t permanent.
I like the half wall ! I had one in our last house and it allowed me to see the kids but gave us a visual break from the playroom from the kitchen/living area. We also had a reading chaise snugged against the half wall so I agree it makes it easier to place furniture.
Im also glad you gave us a glimpse into what you’ve been going through lately. It doesn’t feel hard because you are doing it wrong, It feels hard because it IS hard. I know you have a tremendous capacity for learning, I know you surround yourself with wise counsel, I know you ground yourself in the word and the truth and I know you love big. eshet chayil, woman of valor! We are with you and for you and pray strength for you through these challenging times.
Layla, I think about you guys so much. I’m so happy little Steevenson has parents who understand the intensity of emotions he’s working through. I remember reading Jen Hatmaker’s post years ago about their first year with Ben and Remy and how terrible it was. My heart broke for all of them and swelled with pride and wonder, too, at the bravery of the people who open their hearts to a little person and ride that storm with them to become a family. Just know you are loved and prayed for.
Also, I agree the sunroom is best left open for the day it returns to a sunroom. Babies grow up so ridiculously fast! 🙂
We adopted a 7 yr old boy 8 months ago. All I can say is this is the hardest thing I have ever done AND I have never been so thankful that Jesus died on the cross for me. I am praying for us both! It does get better day by day.
Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child saved my sanity and helped me immeasurably with my hurting little boy. It might be worth a look – his website gives you a Cliff’s notes version of his approach: http://www.livesinthebalance.org/. Hugs – little ones are hard and delightful all at the same time.
Layla, it will get better—I say this from the experience —one day at a time. Hang in there and remember its best for these emotions to come out and for your son to see you calmly and lovingly just being present and there for him. Related so much to the link you shared. Thank you XO Jen
Layla, thanks for sharing the article. I am reading this many days after you posted because I too feel much of the same exhaustion. I have 5 children, three are adopted and two came home very recently from Haiti. I can relate to the challenges and the absolute exhaustion. Having experienced the challenges of raising both adopted and non adopted children….I completely agree that the parenting challenges with raising a child adopted from trauma are no way similar to those experienced when raising any other child. I actually can become quite frustrated when people try to say that the challenges are the same or even similar. What you are doing is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting work. It is HARD. I recently joined an adoptive parents support group. I hope and pray you can find one in your area. It has been a real blessing to me.