“Progress through something traumatic, it’s not linear. It’s not like we go from unhealthy to healthy, failure to success. I think it’s all circular. You just come back around to the same pain, and the same loneliness. But each time you come around, you’re stronger from the climb.”
– Glennon Doyle Melton
Such a powerful perspective and visual, huh? For those of you whom it speaks to (including my Sonny), here’s to rounding the bend, again and again.
Jaxty
I pray that things are improving and Sonny is adapting to his new life in your family. I pray that your struggles are lessening and there is more peace and joy than difficulties. I love seeing his photos and catching glimpses of the stories about him. Keep them coming!
Heather
Hello Layla and Kevin,
I have followed your blog for several years now. I adopted my son from Russia 5 years ago so I get it. I waited with baited breath for the issues to come forward and over time they did, and still do. Something that I try to remember in the midst of “big behaviours” is that at least he trusts me enough to reveal his pain instead of locking it away to erode him from the inside. We are their parents, their champions, their therapists, their advocates, their punching bags and their soft place to land. It’s a tough role. I have no doubt you all are rocking it even when it’s rough. xo
Pam
My husband and I are foster parents and brought home two toddlers right around the same time you brought home your Sonny. Such deep pain in such littles is so hard to watch, but I love this reminder that bad days will happen, but so will more good days. It’s OK that’s it’s not a straight path, this is where the healing begins.
Cindy in Oklahoma
Oh, this one is a good one, Layla….. My mother passed away 4 years ago in February and our relationship was close but tumultuous…. Because she was so ill prior to her passing I was not filled with great sorrow on that day or the days after as I’d had so much time to mourn the slow loss of her… but every now and then the wave of something I cannot describe knocks me off my feet. I weep. I pull away and rehash… but each time I come out feeling stronger because there are really only two choices in life… to be strong or to sink.
Don’t let your life lead you to places you never intended. Be intentional.
Layla
I’m writing this down somewhere, Cindy, so that I can read it again and again. Thank you for sharing your heart and wisdom.
Linda
I just want to let each of you Mom’s that have adopted children that there are real daily problem with children that Mom’s have given birth to. Some children are born from day one with health, mental problems that a parent or parent’s have to deal with. Only prayer can get you through these ruff times! I know because We have been their! Try not to dwell n the bad times because you will miss the good times! Merry Christmas to all!
Layla
Oh, I was thinking this quote would actually speak to a lot of different people and trauma-based situations, Linda. Not just mothers or mothers who have adopted. Anyone who has experienced trauma and is on the path towards healing. (I just re-titled it so that would be more clear) I love your advice about not dwelling on the bad times though…it’s so easy to get caught up in that…but I will admit, no matter how “bad” things can be, there is *always* sunshine behind the clouds! 🙂 (Or as I call it, Sonny-shine!)
Linda
Sorry I should have reread my post before hitting post. The sentence should have read, I know because we have been there.
Gloria
Read your post. You are a lovely person. Merry Christmas to you too.
gv xxoo
Karen L.
Good advice (even though I differ tremendously in faith’s application and life choices from the quote’s source). It is always good to see things from that perspective of failing and keeping going through life’s difficulties. Sonny will be stronger because of it even if he doesn’t remember these times when he grows up. My early life’s difficulties made a big impact on me in very good ways now. 🙂
Monica
So much truth in that. Thanks for sharing Layla. Through the last 12 years I have seen that so much growth and perspective can come about from the biggest hardships. In the midst of it, it can be impossible to see, but looking back it can become clear. And these things that have been learned through tough experiences could not have been learned any other way. In the end the insight gained is so valuable.
I pray you have a good day today! 🙂
Annette
This is a similar sentiment and I love it. http://www.doorway-to-self-esteem.com/autobiography-in-five-short-chapters.html
Good wishes to all of you.
Sandy
I believe that we heal in layers like an onion. Each time we come back to the same issue it goes a little deeper until eventually we are healed to the core. Sometimes it feels like, “I thought I already dealt with this?!” But it’s just that deeper layer of the same issue being peeled away. I don’t feel frustrated with myself anymore when dealing, again, with the same thing over and over. I just become thankful that God loves me enough to be patient and gentle, yet persistent enough to not leave me in my injured state but to go deep with me and heal to the core.
Casie
Thank you, Layla! I needed this today!! I have been thinking of trauma lot this week (I battle a very difficult mental illness) and what it would be like if one of my kiddos inherited my mental illness. The thought of a child handling trauma seems so daunting, as from their perspective it would be difficult for a child (who does not yet have a lifetime of maturing under their belt) to know how to process what they are going through. Wht a GIFT you guys are to Sonny!! Thankful for a God who can give us each strength when we (or those close to us) go through deeply hard experiences. Today, God gave me strength from this quote you posted ?.
Beth Moore
I can’t even tell you how timely and encouraging this is, Layla! Thanks for sharing ❤
ROsie
Thanks Layla for your wisdom.
I read that grief is really love which has no place to go and just hangs there choking you up in the back of your throat and stinging your eyes.
I hope u don’t mind me sharing bc I never say this to anyone really. It is 11 years since my son had his first Christmas at 3 mths old, and then at 4 months in Jan he was diagnosed with a brain malformation. He is 11 now and has never known the joy of Christmas as we had dreamt he would has never recognised us as parents and never even smiled due to the severity of his epilepsy and profound disabilities. Most of the time though we are happy and know love more than we imagined we could but each Dec and Jan the air in my heart gets sucked back like a tsunami and I wait for the waves of grief to hit me. Sometimes they are huge and threaten to drown me and at other times they gently wash over me and my tears preparing me for a fresh year of loving and caring for him and hope for better days for him.