“Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double-edged sword. It lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains.”
-Layla Palmer
I read about “double introverts” and “double extroverts” today. I didn’t know they were a thing, did you? The post I read said a double introvert is someone who needs to be alone to recharge AND thinks before they speak. A double extrovert, on the other hand, gets their energy from being around others AND processes things verbally.
I feel like I’m somewhere in the middle. An intro/extro, if you will. I think out loud, I crave connection and I genuinely look forward to social gatherings, but I struggle with feeling overwhelmed during them, and at the end of them (whether it’s with one person or one hundred) I need solitude. Not because I prefer to be alone, but because, for whatever reason, it feels crucial to my happiness and health at that point.
Then there’s my husband, Kevin. I’d say he’s a double introvert. When I first met him, I remember hearing people (that didn’t really know him) saying they thought he was “stuck up”. Obviously, I quickly learned that wasn’t the case and that he is just quiet. (His nickname was actually “Quiet Kevin” when he was a little boy.) And here’s something neat: turns out, information travels a longer pathway through an introvert’s brain, which causes an introvert to process information more deeply, and is likely why they take longer to feel comfortable verbalizing their thoughts.
Anywho- all this doesn’t really have a lot to do with today’s Thought-Full Thursday quote…except that it made me think about how truly complex we all are.
What about you? Double intro? Double extro? Intro/extro, like me?
Layla
Cindy in Oklahoma
I’m just like Kevin.. … but isn’t today Wednesday?? 🙂
… I think you just helped me understand why my husband is so frustrated with me lately. I’m talking to him about things that matter deeply to me because I’ve been processing them deeply while he’s more of a take the info in and move to the next thing kind of guy…. which is probably why he does so well in social situations… he likes being the center of attention and loves a crowd. I’m over in the corner discussing some spiritual or political subject with one person or sitting back observing all the other interactions. Fascinating. What causes us to be these people we are???
Marianne in Mo.
I think I must be a double intro. Don’t mind in the least being alone ( sometimes I CRAVE it!) and am always over-thinking, or deep thinking. I can imagine a whole dinner party in my head, and decide what the outcome will be. This deep thinking makes me want to just stay home, because “in my mind,” I’ve already been there!
Kris
Layla, do you have a link for this information? It’s very interesting. My husband is definitely a “double introvert” and I have had similar comments about him (someone once asked me how I could “stand it” that he was quiet and took so long to draw out in conversation). I’m probably an intro/extro, but I would need to read the information on this and process it on my long neural pathway … 😉
B. Folk
Just goes to show how wonderful and great god is, to have made every.single.person unique in so many different ways! The longer I live, the less I allow myself to put people in a “box”. I like my alone time, and I like my friend time (with one friend or a crowd of them). I am uneasy in a group of strangers, or a large crowd where there are many people I don’t know. I enjoy walking around a new-to-me city, taking in the sights and sounds, and I enjoy working on projects at home by myself for days. I enjoy reading books more than magazines and research papers more than brief articles. Surface conversations bore me; when I ask others “How are you?” I really want to know, and hope they really want to know when they ask me (although, that’s usually not the case). I take the time to proofread, spell people’s names correctly, and get my thoughts straight before speaking, and I do my best speaking in written form. But, I sometimes rush and make typos, forget people’s names, and blurt out half-thoughts that don’t really mean what I wanted to say. I have been a performer (figuratively and as a hobby) all my life, as well as a professional performer for about thirty years. I have been called both “stuck-up” because I sometimes don’t talk much; and “a social butterfly”, because I do the “center of attention” thing, too. I can be both shy and outgoing, quiet and loud. I am uniquely me, as God designed me, and so are we all:-)
Thanks for this discussion-starter, Layla!
B. Folk
And, of course, I hit “Post Comment” without seeing that “God” wasn’t capitalized!
cindy barganier
Holy Cow! I have been with my hubby for 41 years (married for 38) and you just finally helped me understand him. We are total, TOTAL opposites and it makes me absolutely crazy that he in always inside his head. It takes him forever to process a thought that I get before the person speaking has finished their sentence. I am also an auditory learner. He, a visual. I do everything FAST managing a million detail simultaneously because you have to in the design world. He plods through but catches mistakes that I might never see. I run to friends to talk through situations before arriving at a decision. He doesn’t want to share any info with anyone. Period. After looking at the question from every conceivable angle he easily arrives at a conclusion.
He feels everything at a deeper level than I do and thinks about it forever. WOW! who knew…. a double introvert married to a double extrovert. Heaven help us all. LOL
Robin
This is so thought provoking Layla. Wow. Just wow. I am def an intro/extro. I hadn’t realized I am both until I had read your description. It’s so powerful and it literally stopped me in my tracks. I too have a design job and at the end of a long day I crave peace and time to just be. My hubby on the other hand always has something planned for us and we run from “thing to thing to thing.” I need a chance to come up for air then move on. He likes to be the center of attention and is the life of the party so to speak lol. We bring the best of both worlds together I guess but this just helps me to understand myself and him and a whole lot of others so much better. We are indeed unique individuals with a a common thread. I really enjoyed this. I just kept reading everyone’s comments while nodding my head in agreement and wonder lol. Your quote is a keeper. Thanks so much for this!
Jen
I am like you. I am really extroverted and crave social connections but usually feel exhausted and over-stimulated afterward. It took me a long time to realize that despite my extroversion, alone time in my own home while my husband takes the kids out is crucial to my being able to reset and get my bearings. It is tough being both an intro/extro because I think it’s common to assume people are one or the other; so our type of personality can easily be misunderstood by others who are sometimes confused by our seemingly contradictory behaviors. Your thoughts were particularly meaningful to me today!
Jill
Yup!!! Intro/Extro, or on the MB INFJ and ENFJ. I’m both. I work for a Church and need to “on” or extroverted a lot! Recharge very much needed alone and in quiet. I never mind being alone, but I do love to be around people. I could stand before 1,000 people and speak or sing, but put me in a room with strangers where one-on-one is necessary and I panic. I love how complex the Lord has made each one of us! Think of how incredibly boring life would be without the beautiful dynamics of so many souls! Have a happy day Layla!
Nancy
Oh wow! You and I are just alike! I always fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t fit totally on one side, Intro or Extro! I am both INFJ and ENFJ too! Everything has to balance for me! Too much solitude, then I need to be around people and when in a crowd for so long, I crave solitude! Happy in both places! God is so good!
Celeste
All my life people have assumed I’m stuck-up. That’s often the result of being an introvert who is dealing with social situations. On the surface, I appear to be an extrovert. I can perform or speak in front of people and can step up and direct a group if need be, but it is a persona that I use to cope. A mask that I slip on when needed. Inside I am an introvert who is exhausted by interacting with people and processing it all. Sometimes people have to look a little longer to realize that an introvert isn’t stuck up, they are just not comfortable interacting with strangers. Frequently, once you get to know them, and they are comfortable around you, you wish they would be quiet. Not that that describes me or anything 😉